Page 30 of Playing with Desire
She’d asked him the same question when he’d first met her at The Players Club, and he gave her the same vague reply now. “I already told you. I capture bad guys.”
Appearing a bit miffed, she placed her spoon in the dish. “You’re giving me the pat answer that doesn’t fully explain your position in the army,” she said, calling him out. “I’m not some fragile little flower that can’t handle the truth, and considering you pretty much know everything about me, I think it’s only fair that you share, too.”
He wanted to protect her from the grim truth but realized that she needed to know the reality of his situation since a good part of it tied into his reasons for not making any woman a permanent fixture in his life. “I’m a sniper in the Army Special Forces. Which means I’m part of a special team of trained soldiers who is deployed to various countries to handle unconventional warfare, foreign internal defense, special reconnaissance, and terrorist activities.”
With each thing he listed, the shock on her face grew more apparent. “That sounds so dangerous.”
“It is,” he said honestly, and set his spoon down, too. “When we’re sent out on an assignment, there’s always an organized agenda to achieve whatever our goal or objective is, and on a good day, things will happen smoothly and by the book. Our team usually has the advantage, but there are times...” He let the remark trail off, because what happened when things went awry was difficult to put into words and not something he wanted to expose Summer to.
“There are times that what?” she prompted gently.
He exhaled a deep breath and scrubbed a hand along his jaw. He’d just told himself that it was important she knew what his life was like, and that included telling her how treacherous things could get out in the field on a mission. “There have been times that my unit has been ambushed by some unforeseen situation. Of course, we’re trained to react to those unexpected attacks, but a lot of times in that moment it’s a reign of terror and pure chaos that leaves behind a lot of casualties on both sides.”
He didn’t give her specific stories or tell her about all the good, skilled soldiers who’d been killed in combat and the innocent civilians who’d gotten caught in the cross fire. It was difficult enough for him to sleep at night and function during the day without those terrifying flashbacks replaying in his mind, no matter how good he’d gotten at compartmentalizing his emotions. Summer didn’t need all that shit in her head, too.
He met her gaze, making sure he had her full attention, because there was one last thing she needed to hear, which was the most important. “Every time we go out on a mission, every one of us knows that there is always a chance that we’re not coming back. That’s how we live our lives every single day when we’re out in the field.”
She quietly absorbed everything he’d just told her, her expression troubled. “Why did you join the military?”
He rested his arms on the table and thought back to what had propelled his decision. “Growing up and through my early teenage years, I never intended to enlist. My father was in the army and fought in Desert Storm. He was killed in the line of duty, and I saw what his death did to my mother.”
She inhaled a soft, startled breath and placed a gentle, compassionate hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
He nodded, accepting her sympathetic gesture. “It devastated my mom to the point that she spiraled into depression and had a mental breakdown. So, I always had that image in my head, and I knew it would have destroyed my mother had I followed in my father’s footsteps. But once she died in such a senseless accident, I was so bitter and resentful over what had happened, because she was finally so happy again with Rick’s dad. I was twenty at the time, and joining the military was a reckless, spontaneous decision made out of anger over the loss of my mother. It was only supposed to be a two-year term.” He smiled ruefully at her.
She tipped her head in confusion. “So then why did youstayin the army?”
They’d already come this far in the conversation, and Declan figured Summer needed to hear this truth, as well. “When I enlisted, I had a steady, serious girlfriend, and I honestly thought we were heading toward getting married. I figured a few years in the military and I’d save up some money and come out of it with some experience for a decent civilian job, but Julianne couldn’t handle me being gone for months on end and traded me in for my best friend at the time. I found out about their affair when I came home on leave. After that, I figured I had nothing else to lose and nothing to stay home for, so I just kept reenlisting each time my contract came up.”
Her delicate brows furrowed as she picked up her spoon and ate another bite of the brownie sundae, seemingly mulling over what he’d just shared with her and the underlying message beneath his words. As difficult as it might be for her to hear everything, it was more important to him that she understood why he wouldn’t and couldn’t promise her anything beyond this short time together.
Not only were there too many reasons why a long-term relationship with him was a bad idea while he was in the military, but it was stupid forhimto envision a future with her that couldn’t happen, even if a part of him was starting to wish otherwise.
Chapter Ten
Two weeks later...
Summer entered thelavish lobby of the opulent hotel that Mac and Stephanie had chosen for their wedding venue flanked by two gorgeous men wearing fitted suits for the formal event. Her arm was looped through Declan’s, who’d come as her plus-one, while Rick walked next to her other side, without a date, as they followed the signs through the establishment to an outdoor area set up for the small, intimate ceremony of about forty people.
White chairs were assembled in rows that bisected the aisle that Stephanie would eventually walk down to meet her groom, where they’d take their vows beneath a beautiful archway covered in white and pale pink roses and textured greenery. Pre-wedding music played, indicating that the ceremony would be starting soon. Close family and friends began taking their seats, and Paige waved the three of them over to where she and Sawyer were already settled, along with Kendall and her husband, Jase.
Summer, Declan, and Rick took the chairs right behind the other two couples, and they all conversed for a few minutes until Mac walked out and took his position beneath the floral archway, with Dean standing next to him as his best man, followed by a minister. Mac, wearing a tailored black suit, appeared more excited than nervous to marry his bride, and Summer had to admit that Stephanie was one lucky woman to have found a man who adored her so much.
God, Summer wanted that kind of unconditional devotion. Hoped for that. She’d been waiting years to find that one man who complemented her. Completed her. Filled that missing space inside of her soul that had felt empty for too long. She might have found that incredible man in an unlikely place, except Declan’s commitment to any woman was unattainable, and Summer was trying to brace herself for the devastating pain and heartbreak that was coming very soon.
As joyous as this day would be for Summer’s two friends, it was also a bittersweet one for her, because it was her last evening with Declan. After they’d spent three short weeks together, tomorrow afternoon he was heading out to the army’s National Training Center in Fort Irwin, where he’d spend a twenty-one-day rotation being briefed on his next assignment before being deployed overseas.
Every time she thought about him leaving and their time together ending, a huge lump of dread and sadness formed in her throat because she had no idea when she’d see or hear from him again. According to Declan, he would most likely be gone for up to a year, and he’d made it clear that she needed to “move on” after he left. She knew his insistence that she live her life and date and find someone who could give her everything he couldn’t hadn’t been issued with callous disregard on his part, not when she’d seen and felt his caring and affection. He truly believed that looking forward to the future with someone else was what was best for her, despite Declan’s own feelings for her.
She couldn’t disagree more. Their affair might have started out casual, but in a very short amount of time, they’d shared so much and had grown so close, enough for her to know that even Declan’s emotions had gotten more involved than he’d intended or would ever admit.
Earlier, as they’d both gotten dressed and ready for the wedding, he’d been unusually quiet and subdued, as if he felt their silent deadline looming over them, too. But God, Summer knew the devastating hurt and irreparable heartbreak was coming, and there was only one thing left in her arsenal that might potentially give him reason to believe in her. In them. Even if it meant figuring out a way to make a long-distance relationship work. Declan was worth that to her, and so much more.
The ceremony started with Jillian—as Stephanie’s matron of honor—walking down the aisle, followed by Stephanie’s two young, adorable nieces as flower girls. The guests all stood up as the traditional wedding march began, and a minute later, the bride appeared in her gorgeous, beaded, blush-colored, formfitting wedding gown, arm in arm with her father as he proudly escorted his daughter toward the man she was about to marry.
Stephanie looked radiant and so deeply in love with Mac that Summer’s heart tightened with envy. The sentiment was clearly reciprocated by her groom, and during the course of reciting their vows, Mac’s voice cracked as his emotions got the best of him. He managed to clear his throat and compose himself, and when the minister finally pronounced them husband and wife, Mac didn’t hesitate to swoop in and kiss his new bride with a deep, passionate embrace that had the guests cheering and clapping.
While Mac and Stephanie took their wedding pictures, friends and family moved inside to the elegantly decorated ballroom reserved for the reception and dinner. Waitstaff walked around offering cocktails and premium bourbon for the men, along with trays of hors d’oeuvres that included items with lobster and beluga caviar. Clearly Mac and Stephanie had spared no expense on their celebratory party.
