Page 60 of Without Pride and Prejudice
MONROE
THANKFULLY, I DIDN’T HAVE TO worry about Mr. Wickham just yet. Or maybe at all. After he caught sight of Mr. Darcy yesterday, he’d done his best to avoid us. But just to be safe, I had adamantly warned the entire Bennet household that if we wished to keep Mr. Darcy’s company, we were all to stay away from Mr. Wickham. With that warning, Mrs. Bennet was totally on board. She would do nothing to interfere with a daughter marrying a man with ten thousand a year. I didn’t even know what that equated to in my day, not that I really cared. I’d never been that interested in money, seeing as I had never had much.
Lydia and Kitty had pressed me for details as to why they needed to stay away from Mr. Wickham, whom they of course found handsome, but I refused to say, other than that Mr. Darcy didn’t care for him. And Jane had heard from Mr. Bingley that there had been a falling-out, so that cemented it for Mama. It just went to prove that without pride and prejudice, it was easier to avert a huge crisis. Maybe I was rocking this gig after all. Although, no one would ever know how much I’d saved the family.
Today’s biggest worry centered around preparations for the arrival of Mr. Collins and our dinner guests. Mrs. Bennet hadinstructed us to wear our finest dresses, and she’d been barking orders at poor Mrs. Hill all day. One thing I’d always admired about Fitz was how he’d treated his staff as his equals. Never did he bark orders—in fact, I think most of them would donate a kidney if he needed one. I’d actually tried to help the Longbourn staff tidy up the house today, but Mrs. Bennet wouldn’t hear of it. She hadn’t liked it at all when I’d taken Mary into the kitchen to help her make a potato soufflé for Mr. Collins. I thought it might make an impression in the event he really does like potatoes. There’s no actual text evidence of his affinity for spuds, because the line, “It is many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable,” was from one of the movies, not the book. But I was trying to cover my bases in helping Mary get her man, assuming she wanted him after meeting him.
It disturbed Mrs. Bennet that I knew how to cook, and she made me swear I wouldn’t mention it. Apparently she felt it would bring shame to the family, but what would truly bring shame was the way she boasted about Jane and me making good matches. I’d tried to talk to her about toning this kind of talk down, but not surprisingly, it didn’t go well. She basically responded that it’s what she lives for.
Since cooking potatoes was a no go, I encouraged Mary to brush up on some quotes from Fordyce’s sermons and practice some hymns on the pianoforte. You know, just in case.
Yes, yes, I was totally leaning into fixing the story. Jane Austen probably hated me. But I hadn’t asked to get dropped into a field in the middle ofPride and Prejudice. And it wasn’t my fault Mr. Darcy had asked me to dance at the Meryton assembly. I was doing the best I could. And honestly, it wasn’t half bad.
After helping Mary get ready, I returned to my room to see Jane sitting in front of the vanity. Our lady’s maid, Hannah,was putting curls in her hair with the scary-looking curling iron. Both women smiled at me as I entered.
“A gift arrived for you.” Jane grinned ever wider while pointing at a basket resting on our bed, a blue silk ribbon tied around the handles.
“Who is it from?”
“Oh, Lizzy, who do you think?” Jane said with a teasing air.
I zipped over to the bed, expecting to see a basket full of books. Instead, I was utterly delighted to find the sweetest kitten curled into a ball, resting in the basket. With tears in my eyes, I picked up the gray short-haired kitten that looked very much like my Mr. Darcy. I cuddled the kitten against my chest, feeling both elated that Mr. Darcy was so thoughtful, and homesick for the life I was missing in another time and place.
“Mr. Darcy must be falling very much in love with you,” Jane concluded.
Could it be? “We barely know each other.” I kissed the kitten’s head. Was I this good?
“I think I am falling in love with Mr. Bingley,” Jane admitted. “Is that foolish?”
“No, Jane. It is not. Love has no time limits.” If I was honest with myself, I’d probably fallen in love with Fitz the moment we’d met—you know, after I’d gotten up from my epic face-plant. Now was not the time to think about it, though. I was so proud of Jane and ridiculously happy for her. My version of the story seemed to be working out okay.
Feeling good about the state of things, Jane and I went down to greet Mr. Collins, along with the rest of the household. I hoped Mr. Collins looked like the one at Pride and Prejudice Park, for Mary’s sake.
As we stepped into the entryway, Mrs. Bennet zeroed in on the kitten, curled up and purring against my chest. “Where did you get that thing?” she said in disgust.
“Mr. Darcy.”
Her tone and facial expression softened immediately. “Oh, well. Of course, you must keep the thing. Just make sure it stays out of my rooms.”
“Yes, Mama.”
“A kitten!” Lydia exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted a kitten.” She unceremoniously took the cat from me. “What is his name?”
I hadn’t thought of one yet. I definitely couldn’t go with Mr. Darcy, my first love. But what about my true love? The thought pierced my heart so much I winced. “What about Duke?”
“Yes! The Duke of Longbourn!” Lydia squealed, twirling around with my kitten. I let her keep ahold of him, given it was the first time she had behaved as a fifteen-year-old girl should. She and Kitty found some string and played with Duke while we waited. It was such a wholesome scene, I couldn’t help but smile.
It didn’t take long for the carriage bearing Mr. Collins to arrive. The entire family seemed to wait with bated breath for him to exit. As we walked outside to greet him, I noticed that the trees had all turned colors now, and some had even lost their leaves. How could that be? I hadn’t been there that long. It was weird that time did not seem consistent. Not any weirder than me being there, but still, it was odd and disconcerting.
Mr. Collins exited with all the pageantry I expected. He stepped out of the carriage, drawn by four white horses, like he was a prince about to greet his subjects. It shocked me he didn’t do a beauty-queen wave. But I was pleased to see he was indeed the hottie from the park with his dark curly mussed hair and deep-brown eyes with long lashes.
Mary’s eyes lit up when she got a good look at him. Oh, she so wanted to boil potatoes for him.
Mr. Collins first took in the house that would one day be his, then proceeded to check us all out before he said a word. By the twinkle in his greedy eyes, it seemed he was not disappointed inour appearance. I could see him calculating which one of us he would choose, as if we were pieces of meat at the market.
“Mr. Collins,” Mr. Bennet greeted him with a dignified air ofKeep your eyes off my daughters.
Mr. Collins wrenched his gaze away from my sisters and me and focused on our parents. “Mr. Bennet,” he bellowed. “What a pleasure it is to finally know you.”
