“You think I’m bored of Eth? That one of us is going to leave and break the other one’s heart?”
“Probably.”
“You’re right. In fact, I’ll be filing for divorce in a week or two. No one can stay with someone for this long and still find them attractive, funny or interesting. It just isn’t done.”
“Right.”
“All those marriages that last fifty, sixty, even seventy-five years… all a hoax. They’re pretending.”
She’s being sarcastic, but there’s a large part of me that sees this as reality.
Olivia sighs heavily. “Rex. Go on a date with whoever this girl is. It’s a date. Nothing more unless you want it to be more. There’s no reason to panic or freak out.”
“I’m doing no such thing.”
“Oh trust me. You’re doing exactly that thing. Are you sweating? Knees weak?”
“No. And my arms aren’t heavy either.”
“Ahh. Good. You picked up on my Eminem reference. You might not be so far gone after all.”
Why did I call Olivia, again? Better yet, why didn’t I follow my instincts andnotcall her?
I keep up a good front, and until right this moment, I’ve never, not once, had the desire to explain to anyone why I am a strictly no-relationship guy. But it’s not Olivia I want to explain any of this to. Or Ethan, or even Penny. It would probably save me from a lot of grief handed to me if I would just explain my hesitations and past experiences to my friends. They have no idea that the woman I thought I’d one day call my wife had very different plans.
At twenty-four, I was sure I’d finally found the person I’d spend my life with and had planned to propose to her. Little did I know, Amber was simply using me to get to my brother Troy. Something I was very well-versed in. He’s only ten months older than me, and I spent my entire life living in his shadow. He was larger than life. Everyone knew Troy Matthews, because my parents made sure of it. I was always Troy’s little brother. Never Rex.
When I was a sophomore in high school, he managed to steal my girlfriend, Molly, from me and took her to his junior prom. At school, I was made fun of for weeks when it came out that Molly had only been dating me to get closer to my brother. My parents yelled at me for being upset with my brother and ‘throwing him off his game’ when he didn’t do well in one of his track meets.
During my senior year, I was dating someone I’d known most of my life, grew up with her. Leah and I had been friends for years, she knew my family and even what happened a few years prior to being with her. Troy came home from college one weekend and in the blink of an eye, the past six months we spent together suddenly meant nothing to her. Or the fact that we lost our virginity to each other. She forgot the hurt and embarrassment that I experienced when everyone in the school knew what happened and definitely wouldn’t let me forget it or move on. Thankfully, graduation came less than a month later and I didn’t have to endure the same level of grief I did once before.
The saying fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me is something I should have learned. The night I was going to propose to Amber, Troy slept with her, even knowing what I was planning. That was the turning point for me. I decided he was no longer worth my time. The worst part of it all, though, was my family knew each time he’d pursued one of my girlfriends. Long before I did, for sure. Troy was always the golden boy — I knew it, he knew it. My parents have never once tried to deny it. I was the chump kept in the dark while my brother swooped in and stole my girls right out of my arms.
I was duped, lied to, and deceived. To my family, I was the black sheep. Because I wasn’t interested in sports, leaning more toward computers and my studies, meant that they ‘didn’t have anything in common with me’. It didn’t matter that I got straight A’s and received scholarships because of my grades, allowing me to go to college for next to nothing. The fact that I wasn’t busting heads on the football field or running up and down a basketball court was enough for them to all but disown me. Troy might not have been a great athlete, but he participated and that’s all that mattered to them. He also took advantage of it and used it to get by with being a complete shithead not only to me, but to most everyone he encountered. My parents were the classic, ‘that couldn’t be my kid’ parents when it came to him.
When I finally got the nerve to bring it up before I left for college, my dad called me a pussy and Mom said that if I really cared, I’d learn to love the things they do. Far be it for them to learn to support their son’s interests. To say I’ve all but written off my family is an understatement.
“Have I lost you?” Olivia asks, bringing me back to the present.
“No. No, I’m here. Just… thinking.”
“About?” her voice is quiet, timid almost.
“Nothing important.”
“Why’d you call me, Rex?”
“Because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” I admit.
“Oh please. You know —”
I interrupt her. “No, I don’t. I know how to have sex with a woman after we’ve flirted for a few hours and not develop feelings or manage to get myself into a relationship. If there’s eating involved, it’s not at a restaurant,” I tell her, just to be a shithead.
“Oh gross! Rex! Nope. I donotneed to know this!”
I chuckle, lean back in my chair, pleased with myself for shocking her when I hear her gag. I probably should feel bad because for a while I know she was feeling pretty nauseous from the pregnancy, but I also know she’s just being dramatic. At least, I hope.
“What’s wrong, Liv?” I tease.
