Page 11 of Trust In Me
I sit there on his lap, frozen, loving the feel of his hardness beneath my body. My hands rest on his shoulders, but that’s only because I’ve yet to decide what to do with them. Do I want to do anything?
Images of the way he kissed me that day at the warehouse flood back into my mind, and I can’t help but squirm. Only that was completely the wrong thing to do. His cock just grinds harder against my denim-covered clit, dragging guttural moans from both of us.
“Wow, you don’t waste any time at all on your dates, do you?” I joke, trying to cover up the chemistry that is practically sizzling in the air around us.
“Only when they are as beautiful as you.” His gaze roams over my face, then my chest, making me feel naked. I watch as he takes in the swells of my breasts, and he licks his tongue over his lower lip, like I’m a delicacy he can’t wait to taste.
Fuck, now I’m squirming again, and his cock grinds against my clit in that beautiful way. As I moan, my back arches and my chest is thrust into Kellan’s hungry gaze. Shit, things are going to move very quickly if I don’t stop it.
Wait, do I want to stop things?
“If you want to stop, Flower, you are going to have to climb off my cock because if you grind against it one more time, I’m going to lose the little control I have left.” Kellan sounds as though he’s talking through gritted teeth, like it’s actually painful for him to say the words. I should be mortified that I spoke the words from my head aloud again, but I’m too busy melting in this gorgeous man’s arms.
He is giving me the choice, and I couldn’t be more grateful. There’s no denying I want this man. Fuck, I really, really want him. But, I know I’m not ready. I’m not the kind of girl who has random sex. I didn’t even know I was capable of enjoying sex, and whilst I’m enjoying this with Kellan, right now, that might change when things get hotter and more hands on. I know I’m broken. I know I might never be capable of having a normal sexual experience, but these little interactions with Kellan give me hope. It’s a hope I’m not ready to lose just yet.
“I’m going to climb off, not because I want to, but because I’m not ready to take things further. I like these moments we keep having. I know we shouldn’t have them. Yet, it still doesn’t change how much I like them. For now, can we settle on just watching a movie?” I ask, hoping like hell Kellan won’t see this as a rejection. It isn’t a rejection. I really wish I was the type of girl who could have sex with the hot guy and not have to worry about him seeing how much of a freak I really am.
I should have known Kellan wouldn’t take it badly. His genuine smile warms my heart, and does nothing to help me actually get up off his lap. I know I said I wanted to, and he said I should get off his cock, but we both seem to be frozen. The only parts of our body that are moving are our heads as we slowly drift closer together. He’s so close now, all I have to do is lean forward slightly and my lips will press against his. It’s so tempting. I’m intoxicated by his scent, a mix of coffee, peppermint, and the coconut shampoo he uses. It would be so easy. Just one little kiss, but we both know it wouldn’t just be one kiss. Not while I’m straddling his cock.
“You have no idea how much I want you to kiss me right now. But, I can’t go any further than that, and it isn’t fair on you. So, when I get the strength to pull away, please remember it’s not a rejection. This is all on me, and my issues. Okay?” I whisper against his lips, making sure to hold eye contact—even though it goes against every natural instinct I have—to let Kellan know how serious I am.
Tilting his head slightly, he closes the gap so that our cheeks are touching and he’s able to speak into my ear. Even though our cheeks are barely connected, it’s like there's an electric current running over that spot, heating me up from the inside. I want to squirm, but I hold still, waiting to hear what he’s about to say. “Who says I won’t be happy with just a kiss? Don’t make decisions on my behalf, Flower. If it’s your choice then absolutely you can do that and I will respect your wishes. But, you can’t say what’s best for me.”
His warm breath hitting my sensitive neck sends shivers down my spine, heating my core further. Whilst that feeling is intoxicating, it’s his words that cause my body to tremble. I want to believe that it will be enough, but for guys like Kellan, sex is important. I know I shouldn’t pre-judge him. But, I’ve heard Liam talking. Before Hallie came along, Kellan was a giant manwhore, sleeping with anyone he pleased. I’m not even going to pretend that knowledge didn’t make me jealous because it did. That’s how I know a guy like Kellan won’t be satisfied with just a kiss.
Just as I’m about to tell him that, I feel him lightly press his lips against my neck, just below my ear. It's a light, chaste kiss that is over before it’s even begun. The spot that just a second before was burning hot, now feels cold and lonely, but I don’t have a chance to focus on that, as his lips hit another spot on my neck, just a little higher than the last. He continues this process, kissing his way around my neck, across my collarbone and up the other side of my neck. He uses one hand, fisted gently into my hair to guide my head into whatever position he requires, and the other hand holds my hip in place to make sure I don’t grind on his cock. Believe me, I want to. If I wasn’t so caught up in the overwhelming sensations, I would feel embarrassed by the moans he’s pulling from my body. Instead, I fist my hands into his hair, and just hold on. Letting him take whatever he wants.
Actually, that’s not at all correct. He isn’t taking what he wants from me, I’m giving him it. I know what it feels like to have people take things from you, to steal what you never wanted to give in the first place, and it’s nothing like this. This may be Kellan taking what he needs, but I am giving it to him willingly, and I know if I ask him to stop, he will.
After it feels as though he’s kissed every part of my neck, he pulls my head back slightly so I can look into his eyes. His normally crystal blue eyes are almost black, the pupils so dilated with lust. His beautiful red lips look plump and swollen, and so fucking inviting. His eyes rake over my lips, and I can see he’s asking for permission with his eyes. Leaning forward, I close the gap, and press my lips against his. I only meant for it to be a sweet kiss, but as soon as I feel his lips against mine, it’s like I’m brought to life. I can’t control myself. I push my mouth against his, swiping my tongue across his lower lip, demanding access. At first he seems frozen, unsure of what he should be doing, but I don’t give him a choice. He deepens the kiss as our tongues mingle together, and I crash my body against his. His cock grinds against my denim-covered pussy, and I groan appreciatively.
Suddenly, it all stops. Kellan lifts me up and sits me down on the sofa next to him, as we both pant, desperate to catch our breaths. “You can’t make noises like that. It makes me want to do dirty, dirty things to you,” Kellan groans, running his hands through his hair, sounding as though he’s in pain.
“Sorry,” I mumble, although I’m not really sure what I’m apologising for. I barely even realised I was moaning like a porn star. It’s just the way he makes me feel.
His slight laugh sounds a little more sarcastic than anything. “You really don’t have to be sorry, Flower. That was so fucking hot. But if I don’t stop now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to. Maybe we really should just watch a movie?”
I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding, grateful he hasn’t taken any of this the wrong way. Even though he hasn’t known me for a long time, it’s like he gets me. He knows my limitations, and when I’ve reached them. It’s something I never thought I would have with another person, even Bree can’t do it. She pushes me too far sometimes, even though she doesn’t mean to.
“We definitely should.”
“I’m not saying this because I want to get you in my bed, although after that I really fucking would like to. But, Hallie is likely to wake up for a feed anytime around now, and then I like to get her into her cot. She settles better in there, and I will be able to get a bit more sleep. She’s a grumpy bear if you wake her up. So, would it be okay if we watch the film in my room?” Kellan almost looks embarrassed to ask, and since he has done a great job of making me feel less of a freak, I reassure him.
“Of course, anything for Hallie. This isn’t me judging, just asking. Is there a reason you can’t put her in her cot and then come downstairs with the baby monitor?” I ask tentatively, not wanting him to think I’m judging his parenting at all.
“It’s a long story. I know you know a little about Shayla, Hallie’s birth mother—and I call her that simply because there's no other name for someone who simply pushed my baby out of her vagina. She is by no means a mother. She left Hallie, lying in a hospital cot, all alone at just five hours old. She abandoned her, and even though when I found Hallie she was still asleep, I don’t ever want her to feel abandoned.”
“I’m so sorry, Kellan.” I don’t really know what else to say. There’s an element of sadness in his voice that makes my rage for Shayla grow. She left Kellan too. They made a baby together, so feelings must have been involved, and the way Kellan explains it, she didn’t just abandon Hallie, she abandoned him too. I love that he wants to protect his daughter from that pain, but who is protecting him? I can’t even imagine how painful it must have been to go into the hospital as a couple, and come home as a single dad.
“Don’t apologise. We are better off without her. I just don’t ever want Hallie to feel like she is anything less than loved with my whole heart.”
“Kellan, you are without a doubt one of the nicest guys I have ever met, with the biggest heart. Anyone loved by you should be honoured and cherish it. Hallie will know that, and Shayla should regret losing that. Nobody will ever question how much you love your daughter. Do you want to take her upstairs and get her ready for bed while I tidy up down here and make her bottle?” I mean every word I say. I want to touch him. To let this beautiful man know how amazing he is. But I don’t, hoping my words are good enough.
“Why don’t you take her? I can do the cleaning,” he says with a genuine smile on his face.
Fuck, I think we really have made progress today. He normally doesn’t let me look after, or even change Hallie by myself. Now he is offering for me to carry her up the stairs, and get her ready for bed, all while he will be downstairs. This really is progress, one I’m not going to scoff at. “Thank you.”
With a giant smile on his face, Kellan jumps to his feet and pulls me up from the sofa. He has that cheeky, cocky grin back on his face, and I just know he is going to say something inappropriate, but I’ve come to enjoy this playful side to him. “I will meet you in my bed then,” he says with a wink, and I hear him chuckle as he walks away to the kitchen.
