Page 36 of Broken
I take a few steps back and then shoulder charge at the large, thick door with a bit of a run. I threw all my weight into my shoulder and onto the door. Cracks of wood can be heard but the door itself doesn’t move. I ignore the shooting pain that is crackling down my arm and the painful ache that is sitting over my shoulder. It doesn’t matter if I have to dislocate both of my shoulders and bruise every part of my body, I’m getting that door open.
Next, I try a strong kick to the lower part of the door using the sole of my trainer covered foot. Not as effective as if I was wearing my biker boots, but I still throw my full weight behind it and a satisfactory crack and creak can be heard, but it’s not enough.
I alternate between shoulder barges and kicks a few times, the entire time I scream to let Ava know that I am here and that I will save her, no matter what I have to do.
I finally break the door open on a shoulder charge that sends a roaring pain across my whole left arm and I know that it is dislocated. My left shoulder is burning and shifted at an odd angle causing a blinding pain, but that pales in comparison to the pain I feel when I finally understand what is happening in front of me. My beautiful Ava lays pinned over the desk, limp, almost lifeless, while Grant impales her from behind with his cock.
A red mist descends across my vision and I can feel the blood in my veins beginning to boil. A fury like I have never felt before hums all across my skin and I launch myself at Grant. Ignoring the pain I feel in my body, I pull Grant away from Ava and catch him unaware, I hit him as hard as I can with my right fist. I pour every emotion that has built up in me for the last couple of weeks, every time I have wanted to fight back for Ava, I pull all of that to the surface and I let it soar free. I pounce onto him, raining blow after blow onto any part of his body that I can find. When it becomes impossible to move my left arm because I have worsened the dislocation, resulting in loss of feeling, I ignore it and continue with just my right. We are on the floor, Grant attempting to cover his face as I kneel on his chest as hard as I can. Blood spurts from all angles and covers both of our bodies. The cast off spray that flies off my fist covers the walls and furniture around us and I get a sick pleasure at knowing I am painting the walls with Grant’s blood, just for Ava. When he goes limp, I’m frantically panting for breath and the knuckles on my right hand are cracked to pieces. I press down harder with my knee against his ribs and he doesn’t cry out in pain because he has passed out. But that is not good enough for me. I want him to suffer, so I slap him until he wakes back up. His frenzied blue eyes are staring up at me and I know he won't be able to see my usual green orbs, they will be replaced by the fire I feel when I look at him. My lip sneers up in disgust and as he tries to talk to me, I place my hand on his neck and press down hard on his neck. He gasps frantically for breath as his arms and legs try to flail around, desperately trying to get free. Never in my life have I ever wanted to take a life. I have only ever done it if it has been a life and death situation and I have had no other choice but this is different. This is a rage that is consuming me and taking over me in a way I have never felt before. I don’t even feel like myself. My head is pounding, my blood is pumping furiously and my breath is panting desperately as my ears ring and try to block out the world. I don’t want to hear Grant’s futile cries for help or his worthless sobs.
That’s when I hear it, one small sound that breaks through the wall of noise and chaos. A soft, scared voice saying my name. “Ryder.” It’s like a plea for me to hear her and, of course, I do. I let go of Grant’s throat and turn toward the voice. Curled up on the floor with her knees against her chest and tears cascading down her face, there’s a light shining on her small frame that makes her glow like an angel. Then when you look in her eyes, you see the emptiness and a pain that was never there before. She looks at me like she has never seen me before and I know she is scared of the Ryder she just saw, so I put away the rage I feel, the desperate need for vengeance, as that can wait. Right now, I need to take care of the beautiful girl in front of me.
I walk towards Ava at a very slow pace, careful not to spook the scared girl in front of me. As she sees me striding closer, her eyes widen and her whole body starts to shake. I stop further away from her than I would like to be, but recognising it has to be her decision to close the gap. My heart is breaking as I watch the most amazing woman I have ever met fall apart in front of me. She is crippled by fear and there's a blankness to her eyes that I have never seen before. I have a sinking feeling that the old Ava that I now know I am hopelessly in love with, may never be the same again. But I don’t care. I know this is all my fault and I will burn in Hell for this and never forgive myself. I could have, no I should have saved her a long time ago but I didn’t. I rationalised it in my head that I needed to be here, to do my job, but all of that seems so small now. I know I don’t deserve her, but I do know that she is stuck with me from now on. I failed to protect her, but that will not happen again. I am going to spend every day for the rest of my life showing her how much I love her and how sorry I am, even if she never returns the feelings. Even if in her eyes, it’s too late. I gave up on us once and that was the biggest mistake of my life, one that I won't make again.
“Ava, baby, are you injured anywhere?” I ask gently. No point asking if she is ok because it’s obvious that she is not. She shakes her head and I breathe out a sigh of relief.
“It’s all over now, ok. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get in sooner. Fuck, I tried. Please believe me, Ava. I tried to save you and I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks as my heartfelt apology floods out of me. The tears I was fiercely trying to hold back whilst I looked at Ava are now streaming down my cheeks. I cry for all the pain that she has endured and all the ways I could have saved her and didn’t. I cry for the life we could have had.
She looks up at me and I see her tears are flowing a little more now too. Her chocolate eyes bore into mine and we both share the pain together, but I have no right to feel anything. Feeling sorry for myself is not an option and disgust ripples through me that I even thought about myself as Ava sits there broken. Ever in tune with my emotions, she sees the change on my face and she thinks the disgust that is etched on my face is aimed at her. I quickly shake it away and give her a small smile.
“Ava, please don’t think that this makes me feel any less about you. He’s the fucking monster and he will pay. You will always be my little vixen and yes, you are a little battered, bruised, and lost right now, but I am here. I will help you get through this. You are strong, and you will be ok. Do you hear me?” As soon as I finish the words, she launches herself into my lap, knocking us both over so I am sitting on my arse instead of kneeling. She wraps her arms and legs around my back and clings on. I can feel her fingers clawing at the t-shirt on my back, making sure she has a good enough grip and that I’m real. She snuggles her head up against the crook of my neck, laying her head on my mangled shoulder, but of course, I don’t complain. As her jet black hair wafts around my nose, filling me with the delicious lavender scent that is all Ava, I feel a sense of calm take over.
She continues to sob against my neck and I know she is listening to my breathing and trying to make hers match. It doesn’t take long for us to become in sync and I try to slow my breathing down to help Ava, but the pain that is radiating around my body will not be quietened. I push it down, I can deal with all of that later, right now it’s all Ava.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grant’s foot begin to twitch and I know it won't be long before Grant wakes up and I need to have a plan in place for when that happens, but before that I need to get Ava as far away as I can. I stand up, lifting her with me as she continues to cling to my body like a spider monkey clings to a tree. I don’t mind, my body feels a sense of belonging when it is wrapped up with hers.
“I need to get you out of here, ok?” I whisper in her ear and she nods, letting me know that she is on board. I walk her up to her room and I curse the fact that it is not as far away as I would like it to be. When I sit down on the bed, Ava feels the dip and opens her eyes frantically. She pushes away from me and crawls back up onto the bed, hugging herself into the protective ball again. The look of regret and sorrow in Ava’s eyes kills me.
“You… you said… you said we are getting out of here?” she asks in between her shaky breaths. The pain in her eyes is something I wish I never had to witness.
“Ava, I’m sorry…” I try to apologise, to explain I need to take care of Grant before I can get her away safely, but she interrupts me. She holds her hand out and, of course, I listen.
“Don’t apologise. You don’t need to. Ryder, I know you made your choice a long time ago and it’s my own stupid fault that I didn’t accept that. I allowed my feelings for you to grow, built them up from fantasies and dreams, but that doesn’t make how I feel any less real. I fell in love with you the night we had sex. You changed me irrevocably and for that, I will always be grateful. I can say I did know real love in my life, even if just for a short time. But this life is something I can’t carry on living. The pain, the uncertainty, and the anxiety of living with Grant has been slowly chipping away at me, and each punishment took more chunks. But after tonight, there is nothing left of me. I know after every punishment, I normally beg for you to save me and you say you can’t, but tonight I’m not going to say that. Instead, Ryder, I’m going to ask you something else and I need you to promise me that you will do it. Do you?” Her words shatter me and I feel about one centimeter tall. I feel like a complete piece of shit, because after every punishment when I came into her room to check on her, she did ask me to save her and everytime I said I couldn’t. I promised myself that I would make sure it never happened again, but it did, and it carried on happening. I will never let her down again.
“Ava, I love you too, and I will do anything for you.” I shove as much passion and honesty into my words and bare my soul to her. I want her to know how I really feel, but the expression on her face doesn’t change. That vacant, determined stare remains the same.
“I know I will never be saved now. So, I need you to kill me.” Ava says the words that shatter my heart as though she is asking me to go to the shop for her. The words have no emotion, no pain, it’s like she is nothing and that scares me more than anything. Like a cloud of hopelessness and depression has taken her over and she cannot see any way out. So much so that she doesn’t realise this is me saving her. I look at her with fire in my eyes and ignore the distance I have been trying to respectfully maintain. I crawl across the bed towards her as fast as I can and take her face gently between my arms. I don’t miss the fear that flashes across her face followed by the repulsion she clearly feels at being touched, but I have to make her see how I feel. She has to be able to see the passion in my eyes, and the love in my touch.
“Ava, I never want to hear you say that again. This is me saving you. This is me taking you far away from this place, but before I do, I have to go and take care of Grant. If I don’t, we'll always have a target on our backs and I don’t want that for you. I know you can’t ever forgive me and that it is probably too late for us, but I will make sure that you are safe.” For the first time since I barged down the door to the study and saw the worst thing I have ever seen, I looked into Ava's eyes and I can see she believes me. She breathes a quick breath but her darkness remains. That is not going to disappear with kind words alone, but at least she believes me, that is a start. I explain I am going to leave her here, but that I will be back as soon as Grant is sorted. She nods her head I’m still holding between my hands. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself. I lean forward and gently touch my lips to hers. It’s quick and chaste but it tells her everything she needs to know. I try to ignore the way her body becomes stiff and the way she shudders as our lips touch. I know after what she has been through, doing anything remotely sexual is the wrong move but that was not how I intended it. I wanted her lips to feel my warmth, to feel the tingle under her skin that I know floods her the second our flesh connects. I want to remind her that she can still feel and that closing off everything might sound like the best thing, letting the darkness consume her will definitely take away the pain, but it will also take away the good and I don’t want that for her.
I stand up and go to leave, every part of me is pulling me back to the girl in the bed, but I have to make things safe for her. I have to do my job. But before I can reach the door, her words ring out around the room and cause my heart to race with excitement.
“Please, come back, Ryder. You promised,” she says softly and my heart swells. The darkness hasn't completely consumed her yet.
When Grant wakesup a short while later, I have placed him on his chair and I’m perched on the end of the desk. His hands are in handcuffs and his flesh is covered in cuts and the purplish colours that will inevitably result in bruises. It takes him a while to fully come around and he blinks his eyes several times trying to focus them. No doubt his vision, and brain in general, is a little messed up, I hit him quite a lot of times. I see the moment that Grant take’s everything in and not only remembers, but fully recognises the situation. At first, there's a look of confusion because he can’t understand what is happening, then his face locks on mine and it is full of rage.
“Ryder, what did you do?” he screams at me, but I just hold my arms up because the longer I spend dealing with his bullshit, the longer I am away from Ava.
“Grant, you have crossed a line this time and I had no choice. You went too fucking far,” I explain to him, but he is shaking with rage and doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, but I know he will soon.
“What I do is none of your business. You work for me! You do as I tell you! Now get these fucking cuffs off me and we can forget that this happened.” He still acts like he is in control and I keep my face neutral and emotionless, like I have been trained to do. The more emotion I show, the less likely he will be to listen to what I have to say.
“No can do, I’m afraid. You are under arrest, so the cuffs have to stay on,” I explain and his face contorts into a murderous rage.
“You called the fucking police on me? All for some girl?” he screams and I grip my hands into fists, closing my eyes to take deep breaths. I need to remain calm and professional.
“No, Grant. I am the police and I have placed you under arrest. I have been working undercover for the last two years. My assignment was to work my way up to the top of the Blakeman crime family and learn how it operates. The Met and Scotland Yard have numerous task forces whose only job is to try and work out how your father brings in the guns, drugs, and girls. But they got nowhere and so I was ordered to go undercover. Up until recently, I thought that my job was to bring both you and your father down and that you would help me to do that without even realising, but then you started to piss about. You went off script and brought in Ava. You followed your own path of revenge and vengeance and instead of punishing the people who really deserved it, you aimed it at a young girl who is now curled up in bed, a fragile, broken version of her former self. I can’t let you continue to destroy her, I won't.
“I have spent the last few weeks watching you hurt that beautiful girl and wishing I could stop it, wishing I could take her away from you. But not only would I put a target on my back from you, I would also be failing the mission I came here to do, flushing two years worth of undercover work down the shitter. Believe me, though, it was not an easy decision to make. Every time you hurt her, I came closer to ending it all and just arresting you, but tonight, you left me with no choice. I want to see your arse rot in prison, but apparently, you must have a guardian angel because my superior officer seems to think you have a use. You do, after all, want to bring down your father, don't you? So, we are offering you a once in a lifetime olive branch. If you work with us to expose the inner workings of every single aspect of the Blakeman organisation, and ensure your father spends the rest of his life behind bars, along with every other head of his operation, then we will give you a free pass. You will be on our radar for the rest of your life, obviously, and one slip up will see the offer revoked. But if you do everything that we ask and keep your nose clean, then you will be free. What do you say, Grant, will you help me bring down the entire Blakeman organisation or am I arresting you?”
