Page 67 of Death of the Author
“Then why would they now?”
Zelu shrugged, unable to explain. Wasn’t that just how her life went? And if something bad happened, she’d have only herself to blame.
“Those exos got you all the way up here,” Wind said gently. “They’ve carried you all over the world for about a year now, and you still don’t trust your robotics. Interesting. You’re an interesting person, Zelu.”
Zelu looked down at her exos, coated with dust from the long walk. Her legs, socks, and shoes were dusty, too. She gave more trust and respect to that which could not support her than that which could.
She hardened her jaw, squared her shoulders, and stepped onto the edge beside Wind. It was a stunning vista, golden light spilling from gaps in the clouds like rays from the heavens. Patches of sun and shadow moved across the vast desert floor like the shimmering scales of some mythical creature. Zelu took a deep breath, the now hot air crisp in her nostrils. They absorbed the view together in silence for a few minutes.
Then it was as if something switched off in her brain. All the events of yesterday flooded through her again, and fury coiled in her stomach, made her skin hot. “Ihatethat journalist!” she suddenly shouted. Her voice echoed across the landscape. Wind flinched, surprised by the sudden disruption of the peace, but Zelu didn’t care. “I hate all those people on social media! I don’t care if they bought my book! They don’t know what it is tobeme!” She hesitated and then looked out at the land below the cliff, and screamed, “That fucking movie had my name on it!”
Tears stung in her eyes. Her lip was trembling. The muscles in her back ached from the physical activity.
Wind whooped. “Scream it louder, Zelu!”
Zelu didn’t know if she had the strength. But she took a deep breath and shrieked with everything left inside her, for the entire desert to hear, “THAT FUCKING MOVIE HAD MY NAME ON IT!”
Her voice rolled across the land. Her words echoed back at her over and over, softer each time.
She stared at Wind, this woman she didn’t particularly like. “Who the fuck am I, Wind?”
“Whomeveryouchoose to be,” Wind said sagely. “Write what you want, woman. Walkhowyou want. Love who you love. Speak your truth. Be good and roll with life. You can’t have or control everything or everyone.”
Pretty words, but Zelu hated that Wind made it sound easy. “You don’t even know me,” she grunted.
Wind threw her hands up like she couldn’t believe she had to explain this. “Msizi and Marlo are best friends, and I’m Marlo’s partner. Your man talks. And be glad he does. The fact is, I know you plenty.”
“Well, I don’t knowyou!”
Wind put a hand on her hip. “So?”
Zelu opened her mouth to say something. She closed it because she didn’t have anything to say. The moisture in her eyes grew thicker, threatening to spill over again.
“No, don’t do that,” Wind said firmly.
Zelu sighed, wishing she could just let her body drop and curl up in the dust. “I don’t think I’m strong enough to be who I am.”
“Stop thinking about it. Just do it.”
Zelu wanted to laugh at this strange, wise desert woman. “Whoareyou?”
“A black physicist from Florida who loves the dry heat.”
Zelu huffed, turning back toward the view. “Is it hard to be you?”
“Not anymore,” she said. “But getting here was. I’m fifty-six years old.”
“What? Really?” Zelu had been sure that Wind was a year or two older than her, if she was older at all. Suddenly she understood why she didn’t like Wind. The woman saw right through her in a way that most did not. Some of that definitely had to do with her age.
Wind chuckled again. “Wow.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
A breeze swept up from below, washing over them and cooling Zelu’sskin. Wind stretched her neck out and smiled into it. “It took me twenty-five years to get to this point. I used to work for NASA. Still do sometimes, but I let things go, put things into place, made the hard decisions, and moved. I did it. It was scary, difficult, my family thought I was crazy, even Marlo needed to be convinced. There was so much to do to get where I wanted to be. But eventually, I got here. One thing at a time. Perspective.” She nodded to herself. “Don’t get lost in the woods, Zelu. I think that’s why Msizi brought you here, to the desert. So you wouldn’t get lost in yourself.”
Zelu watched the dappled light glint against the silhouette of the distant mountain. From here, it looked like a deep purple mound curling into the sky. This place was anything but the woods. It was so bare you could see for miles and miles.
“Perspective,” Zelu said.
