Page 17 of Thrust into the Light
Farlen
Iwake up in the soft bed again, with the soft pillows. I don’t remember how I got here. I just remember Connor picking me up and talking to me. I remember how his heart sounded with my ear pressed against him. That’s it. It is again dark in this room, and I don’t know if it is dark outside or not.
Deciding it doesn’t really matter, I get up from the bed. The clothes I am wearing are getting itchy. I don’t want to keep them on anymore. I head to the restroom and use the toilet. I would like to take another shower, feeling the warm water all over my body was nice. Almost as nice as it was to feel Connor pressed up against me. He is so much warmer and bigger than me. I don’t know how to use the big bowl, and Agnes made sure I knew the water in the toilet was only to be used for getting rid of our waste when we use it, nothing else. I wonder if Connor can tell me where I can take a shower.
I head out of the restroom and through the room I woke up in. I open the door to the big room with the big chairs slowly. No light blinds me as the door opens, so it must be dark outside. The last time I came out of the room, Connor was in here at the big table. I go that way looking for him. I don’t see him anywhere. My heart rate picks up. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? I see more doors around the big room and a door on the other side of the big table. I go through the door behind the table first.
There is a sink kind of like the one in the restroom, but this has two bowls on it, and they are much bigger. There is a bigmetal-looking rectangle. Next to it is a smaller but still large square that has four circles on the top of it. There is no Connor in this strange restroom. I go back to the room with the big table and keep searching for him.
I didn’t find Connor, but I found a room near the one I woke up in with some clothes in it. They remind me of Connor. Is this where he sleeps? I look in his restroom, but he’s not in there either. His restroom has a shower in it. He isn’t in here either, or any of the other sleeping rooms I found. I look at his shower. It looks a lot like the one from the hospital. There are bottles in there. They kind of remind me of the ones I used at the hospital. I really want to take a shower and get out of these itchy clothes. He said he would never hurt me and he hasn’t done anything bad to me.
I don’t know why, but something inside of me is telling me to trust him. I turn on the water and get it, so the water is hot like Agnes showed me. I quickly get out of the itchy clothes. It feels nice to have the air on my skin again. I don’t like how the clothes feel on me, the way they rub on my scars makes me itchy. I haven’t seen anyone without clothes on, so I think I am going to have to get used to wearing them. I jump under the water, and the warmth surrounds me. I close my eyes and just enjoy the warm water.
I wash my hair and scrub my body with the bottles he has. I turn off the water and get out of the shower. I see a towel hanging up on a metal pole and dry myself off, next drying my hair like Agnes showed me how to do. I put the towel on the floor with my other clothes. I see a toothbrush near the sink and grab it to brush my teeth.
Feeling much better, especially because I am not in itchy clothes, I decide I should go back to my sleep room and put on some clothes Connor got me. I walk out of Connor’s room and turn to head to my sleep room. As I take a step towards my door, I hear something break behind me. I turned around really fast to see what the noise was. Usually, that noise was because he threw a glass at me and it broke on the wall behind me. Sometimes theglass would end up in my skin.
My heart beating fast. I look around and all I see is Connor. He is standing there with his mouth open, just looking at me. There’s a pile of glass at his feet, his hand open like he had something in it. I don’t know what to do. Is he mad at me? Did he throw the glass that was in his hand at his feet?
He rushes over to me and touches me on the face.
“Sweet girl, I am not mad at you, but I am very distracted right now. Why don’t you put on some clothes in your room? I came home and heard you in my shower, so I figured I would heat up some food for when you came out. I wasn’t expecting you to walk out of my room naked, and I dropped the plate I was holding. Why were you in my shower, by the way? Do you not like the bathtub in your room?”
“W-whats bathtub?” That was easier to say than anything I have said before. It only took my mouth two tries to form the words.
“I am sorry sweetheart, why don’t you go get some clothes on and come out when you have clothes on and I will show you what the bathtub is, and where your toothbrush and things are? I should have done that sooner.”
“I used the one in your restroom.”
“Used what one?”
“Toofbrush?”
He chuckles. “You used my toothbrush? That is fine, but I will show you where your own is. Please, sweet girl, go get dressed. You are killing me right now.”
I don’t want him to die, so I hurry into my room to put on the itchy clothes. He wasn’t mad at me. Connor laughed. He didn’t yell at all. I find the bags on the floor with the clothes still in them and find the clothes that the Hollie girl said were for nighttime activities. I don’t know what that means, but it’s dark, so it’s nighttime. I put them on and walk back outside my room. Connor groans and then puts his head on the wall.
“While those are indeed clothes, Farlen, that is not helping. Why don’t you see if you have any shorts in there, they are likeshort pants, which is what you were wearing earlier? And maybe a shirt that isn’t see-through. Oh, while we are home and not expecting company, you don’t have to wear bras. I understand they are very uncomfortable for you. Please, sweetheart, go get something else on, and just knock on your door when you’re dressed. I will come in and show you the bathtub and help you put away your clothes.”
I look down at what I am wearing. I don’t understand why he is saying what he is saying. He still hasn’t gotten mad at me, so I go back in and put on different clothes. I found a pair of short pants and a soft shirt that wasn’t too itchy. I don’t know what knocking is, so I open the door to my room and look at him.
He walks over to me and makes a fist. I flinch back as his arm raises in the air. I did something wrong. He’s going to hurt me now.
“FUCK! Farlen, I’m sorry, I was going to show you what knocking was. Open your eyes please, I am not going to hurt you. I want you to watch.”
I look up at him. He doesn’t sound angry; he sounds sad. I look at him and he smiles. He slowly raises his hand in the air and makes a fist again. My entire body starts to shake. He moves his hand past my head and punches the door softly with it.
“This is knocking. You do it when you want to go somewhere that isn’t in the house. I will do it anytime I want to come into your room, okay?”
He didn’t hurt me! I tried what he did and punched the door with my fist. It makes a funny noise and I do it again.
“Good girl, you’ve got the hang of knocking. Now let me show you how to use your bathtub and I will explain it to you, okay?”
Every time he says good girl, it makes the muscles in my stomach tight. I don’t understand what the feeling is. I move back from the door and he walks into my sleep room. He reaches over, grabs my hand and gives it a hand hug. I like it when he does that so I hug his hand back. We walk to the restroom and he walks over to the big bowl.
“This is a bathtub. You fill it up with water and then lie downin it. It allows you to be surrounded by the hot water all the way and not just have it run over you like a shower. You can even put things in there that make bubbles. It has hot and cold water just like the shower, but it comes out of the faucet right here to fill up the tub. You want to stop the water before it gets too close to the top or else it will spill over and there will be a big mess to clean up.”
“Ookay.”
