Quinn groans in an overtly sexual way. “Oh God, what I wouldn’t do for a man to beg for me. Did he get on his knees? That would be so fucking hot.”
“Focus,” Stella scolds Quinn. “This is about Maeve and her remembering what sex is and us convincing her to do it again, not a list of Quinn’s kinks.”
The talk of kinks makes me think back to the elevator…and how I shouldn’t have liked that as much as I did.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I turned down the job. As far as I’m concerned, I’m never going to see Logan Matthews again.”
That’s the first time I’ve said those words out loud. I should feel relieved about my declaration. Except I’m not.
No. I’ll get over it. I have to. I don’t sleep with clients, and I don’t work with men I’ve slept with. It’s my two rules.
I just added that last one today.
“Hear me out,” Quinn says. “You don’t have to sleep with him again. You’re a grown woman. Who you choose to—or not to—sleep with, is your decision. But I’m now going to appeal to Maeve the businesswoman. Does she think it’s a good idea to turn down a life-changing commission?”
Damn my sister for knowing how to get to me. “She doesn’t.”
“And think of it like this,” Stella says. “You’ve been saying for months now that you want to transition out of bachelor pads, but you didn’t know if you could. Isn’t that why you went to that conference? So what if you take this job and use that commission to take time off and rebrand? You’d be able to.”
Oh, now that’s a thought…
“Oh good one, Stella!” Quinn says, putting down her pizza so she can use her hands to fully get her point across. “Charge him an insane fee. You said he has the money to do it, and I’m guessing if he begged for forgiveness, he won’t say no. Use the money as your seed money to start Banks Interiors 2.0. This could be your final bachelor pad before shifting to designing spaces the way you’ve wanted to for years.”
The more they talk about this, the better of an idea it sounds. Ihavebeen unhappy. I’ve wanted to change direction, but the pragmatic me couldn’t see a good time to do it. How could I turn down commissions just because I was bored? But if I had some padding to get me through a few months, and it was also enough to put together a new portfolio, well, then I’d be willing to see Logan again.
Even if it meant reliving that one night every day.
guide to love rule #60
Sometimes you have to listen to your head and ignore your vagina in decision-making. Being responsible sucks.
12
maeve
“You okay, Mommy?”
Jayce’s voice snaps me out of my daze as I sit on the couch, staring off into nowhere. “Yeah, buddy. I’m fine.”
He scrunches his nose, clearly not believing me. “Well then, can I?”
Shit, what did he ask for? How out of it was I? How long have I been staring into the abyss as I wrestle with the decision to call Logan and tell him that I’ll take the job, even after adamantly telling him no?
“Sure. Go ahead.”
I really hope that today is not the day my six-year-old is asking me to do something stupid, or try something he never has before, or wants to show me something his dad taught him because now he wants to be father of the year. Luckily for me, he puts down his video game controller—of course he’s playing SpaceCraft—and toddles off to the kitchen. He comes back a minute later with a heaping bowl of Goldfish crackers and an apple juice.
I let out a sigh of relief that I didn’t give my kid accidental permission to play with knives as he goes back to his video game.
Nights like this are normal for us. Since my son is in first grade, it’s not like he has piles of homework to do, so he’s enjoying his hour of video game time that usually turns into two hours. I’m sitting with my sketch book on my lap, trying to come up with concepts for a job I’m starting next week for a recently divorced bank executive. Usually I can come up with ideas at the drop of a hat, but tonight I’m drawing a blank. I can’t make myself design another gray-walled, black sofa, all silver and metallic fixture space again. Every time I’ve closed my eyes to think about the space and envision it, my traitorous mind keeps going back to Logan’s mansion and all its possibilities.
“This house can be what you want, Maeve. That is, if you’ll forgive me?”
Did he mean that? Did he really mean that I could have creative freedom for his mansion? While I technically have creative freedom with all my designs, I know what the clients are leaning toward, so I always make sure it fits them.
But with Logan? I have a feeling he wouldn’t be opposed to the rustic look I thought of the first day I was there. Exposed beams. So much natural light it would be nearly blinding.
Oh my God, I could use shiplap! I miss shiplap so fucking much.
