She trailed off when he swiped something across the inside of her thigh, and frowned as she looked down. What the heck was he doing? He’d gotten rid of the condom and was very efficiently cleaning her up, too. She watched in silence, too startled to say anything, and held her breath until he kissed her cheek before moving away again. Lauren hadn’t ever had a boyfriend, even a long-term one who claimed they’d get married and he’d take her away from the trailer park, take care of her like that.
Finn returned, tossing a few sticks onto the fire and sliding into the nest next to her so he was close against her back as they spooned. He reached over her to put a water bottle filled with half-melted snow close enough to the fire so it would melt, and rummaged around for protein bars and a can of chili from her stores. His arm draped over her side and he made rumbly noises that sounded like a bear as he kissed her shoulder again. “You should eat something. Stay hydrated. The snow is still falling so there’s no telling how long we’ll be here.”
She didn’t know what to think or where to look or what to do. It was like something out of a reality TV show where a bunch of handsome guys fought each other to impress some lucky woman who did her hair every morning and knew how to do makeup and wore high heels. It didn’t happen to someone like Lauren. She hadn’t had a proper bath for literally weeks, and there Finn was, ready to snuggle up again. She already felt his interest half hard and pressing against her ass, even as he told her to eat and drink and inhaled a few protein bars himself.
Lauren picked at one of the protein bars, making a face at the gross chalkiness and weird texture. “You eat these by choice?”
“They’re light and easy to transport,” he said, sounding amused. “Easier to eat these on the go instead of dealing with making a fire and heating something up.”
She grumbled, wishing he’d brought pasta or dehydrated eggs or something even slightly edible. Not that she should have complained, since it was arguably a good change of pace from the cans of beans and chili she’d been eating. No doubt he didn’t want to share a sleeping bag with a girl after a couple cans of beans. Nothing like a night filled with farts to really kill the mood.
“What would you rather eat?” he asked, chin once more on her shoulder as they both faced the fire. “If you could make anything in the world.”
“Anything?” Lauren frowned as she chewed through another hunk of protein grossness. “I don’t know. I haven’t been able to try much, to be honest. Bar food and fast food and some casseroles that Grandma made before she died. That’s about it. And whatever comes out of a box or a can from the grocery store.”
He grumbled, rubbing his beard against her skin until the tickle sent a shiver all the way down to her toes. She hadn’t thought he’d be so tactile, so touchy-feely, especially after sex.Didn’t guys just roll over and start snoring? Or hand her her clothes and say something about how they had to get up early the next morning. That seemed about right. Not cuddling and bringing her food and cleaning the mess up off her legs.
Finn didn’t say anything and Lauren felt like an idiot. He’d been trying to make conversation, and she’d shut him down with her stupid unthinking brain. Why would she blurt out something like that? A guy like him had probably eaten all the fancy food in the world and knew what fork to use and how to order in other languages. He could probably say all the words on the taco drive thru menu the right way, too, without saying the double-Ls as actual Ls.
She concentrated on the protein bar piece in her hand. “What about you? What would you eat, if you could make anything in the world?”
He exhaled in a gust, blowing her hair over her shoulder, and she swiped at it without thinking as it made her squirm. He did it again and she gave him a dirty look. Finn smiled and finished his protein bar. “Grandma’s casserole sounds pretty good to me.”
Lauren rolled her eyes and refused to indulge in the few memories she had of her grandmother. Gee-ma had been the one spot of light in her childhood, and losing her had just cemented that the world was an awful place and it didn’t get any better. “Seriously.”
“Seriously?” He made a thoughtful sound and played with her hair. “I don’t know. I remember eating fresh grilled fish on the beach in Somalia that tasted pretty damn good. There’s this stew thing in Yemen that’ll knock your socks off and I could probably eat every week for the rest of my life. And Simon’s mate, Zoe, makes this spaghetti sauce that you can eat by itself with a spoon it’s so good. I don’t know how she does it.”
Lauren’s mouth went dry with regret as she watched the fire slowly consume the sticks he’d thrown in. Somalia? Yemen?He’d traveled more of the world than she could find on a map, even though she’d enjoyed geography in school. And who was Simon and what was a mate? Was that just a fancy bear way of saying wife? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy?
Finn went on, musing about other meals he’d eaten, as Lauren felt worse and worse. How could she ever offer to cook dinner for him when the best she could do was the value pack ramen noodles with a little extra spice on top? He’d been so many places and seen so many things. How could he possibly want anything to do with a stupid bumpkin like her?
After a while, he trailed off and the only sound was the slow crackle and hiss of the fire. Finn kissed the back of her shoulder. “Did you fall asleep on me? Am I that boring?”
He teased her, she knew it. But she knew the danger was thathewould get bored withher. She moved a little uneasily, wondering how long it would take for him to realize what a hopeless moron she was. How could she even get through the next day without outing herself? He insisted he didn’t think she was dumb or annoying, but it was just a matter of time. “No, just thinking.”
“About what?”
She watched the flames, uncertain. What the hell did she say to that? Why did Finn want to talk? Him talking and asking question and sharing things about his past was sweeter than anything else that happened after sex, but for once she just wanted him to sleep so she could get some quiet and figure out what the heck to do next. “Not much.”
He made a grumbly noise but didn’t push her for more. Something else that made her want to cry. She definitely didn’t deserve him. Lauren didn’t dare look at him. Finn got settled and made sure they lay close together under the sleeping bags, then breathed soft and evenly as the night got quiet and slow. She wanted to pretend she’d gone to sleep but her mind racedtoo much for her to stay still. Her feet moved and she fidgeted with the corner of the blanket they lay on.
“Do you need to get up?” The husky murmur sounded half asleep, and Finn squeezed her hip before he moved his feet to interrupt the way hers moved together.
Lauren flushed and turned rigid so she wouldn’t squirm around and flail. It always drove people nuts that she couldn’t stop moving, that she twitched and fidgeted even in her sleep. No doubt Finn would flee as soon as he realized. She tried to tamp down the immediate urge to apologize and ignore the anxiety that gripped her. What if she said the wrong thing? “I just…can’t sleep.”
He made a rough, grumbly sound that made her shiver. Finn wrapped his arms around her and exhaled, kissing the back of her neck again, then worked his feet between hers. “I might be able to help with that.”
She laughed, because it was pretty damn obvious how he wanted to help. Lauren held on to his arms where they linked around her middle, and wondered at how muscular his forearms were even while he was relaxed and half asleep. It was like he was made of steel. “I’m tired, I just can’t turn my brain off.”
He made a thoughtful noise but didn’t push for more physically. He just held her close and listened to her. “What’s keeping you up?”
She didn’t know what to tell him. The truth probably wouldn’t go over well, since he didn’t like hearing the truth about how hopeless and ridiculous she was. How was she going to talk about the deep uneasiness in her gut if he didn’t believe her about how messy and fucked up her life was? Finn didn’t know what he was getting into, shacking up with her even for a night. Even if he’d dealt with those mean guys on the trail, he didn’t reallyknowwhat kind of trouble Lauren would bring into his life. “I don’t know, I just… I’m wondering what we do next.”
Finn made that rumbly noise that reminded her of the bear in a sudden flash of reality. He rested his chin on her shoulder, peering over her side at her face like he could see her expression in the firelight. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. It was easier than admitting it at full volume, even if he heard it all the same. “I’ve been stuck for weeks, because I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, since I’m running out of food and it’s just a matter of time until the sheriff finds me or bounty hunters show up at the door, and it’s winter so I definitely won’t be able to keep chopping wood because the ax is getting dull and it takes forever and I don’t know how to sharpen an ax and…”
“Breathe,” he murmured, kissing her cheek and behind her ear. “One problem at a time, darlin’. That’s what I was taught. Work the problem in front of you, then worry about the next one. So the first problem is easy.”
