Something in Edgar’s face made me suspect he knew why I deferred the invitation. His compassionate smile just made me feel worse for being a jackass when they’d been so generous with their time and making me feel welcome. I stammered something about seeing how the next week went, but they both knew it would probably be a while, if ever, before I showed up. I didn’t want company. I wanted to be alone to wallow in my misery and uncertainty and the awful memories.
It had been almost seven weeks since I woke up in the hospital when someone else knocked on the door. I vaguely recognized the man: Rafe O’Shea, with black hair and dark eyes and a hint of beard on his jaw. The woman next to him, introduced as Meadow, was beautiful in a shy, unassuming way. Her dark curly hair made me instantly envious. I could occasionally get the same kind of curls with several hours with a curling iron and a hell of a lot of hairspray, but hers looked perfect and natural. After my failed hospitality with Edgar and Isobel, I invited Rafe and Meadow in and even managed to offer them coffee and tea.
Rafe looked perfectly comfortable on the couch, studying the inside of the apartment with avid interest. “Even though the lions own this building, it’s on my territory, so I wanted to check in and make sure you’re doing okay.”
“Thanks,” I said. It still took me a little longer to parse their words when they threw out things like ‘lions’ and ‘territory’ so casually, as if everyone would understand the language the same way they did.
Meadow smiled and sipped the tea I’d managed to make. “It took me a while to learn how they describe things. Don’t feel bad. I had no idea any of this existed until about a year ago, so I know how you feel.”
Some of the tension in my chest eased. “Really? So you’re... you’re human too?”
It felt so damn weird to ask that question, and weirder still to expect a negative answer.
She smiled quickly and shook her head. “No. I’m related to Smith. We’re fae. Fairies. Not witches or shifters, but something different.”
I massaged my temples and tried to laugh. “I feel like I need to start taking notes and drawing wiring diagrams to figure out how this all fits together.”
“We can put you through a bootcamp,” Rafe said, his smile easy and surprisingly charming. If his girlfriend or wife or mate hadn’t been sitting right next to him, it might have even been flirtatious. “We don’t often have new humans to introduce to our world, but it’s been happening more frequently in recent months. Logan Chases’s wife is human. Even the bear’s mate is human. Well, theywerehuman before their mates turned them.”
My head tilted and I tried to sort through the information he offered so casually. I’d almost forgotten about that conversation in the Korean restaurant, about how shifters were different in the mind depending on whether they were born or turned. “Wait. How does that…work? Exactly?”
Rafe’s expression grew a little guarded, as if he’d just realized he said something he shouldn’t have. He hemmed and hawed a little before he offered any more information. “Well, in extreme circumstances, a shifter could change a human. It’s usually to save the life of a loved one. It’s rare and there are consequences for turning a human without their consent, but it does happen. It’s usually by blood transfusion. Enough shifter blood overwhelms the human blood and replaces it, turns the recipient into a shifter. Same animal as the donor.”
To save the life of a loved one... It struck a chord with me and my thoughts drifted to when Dodge told me about his parents, how there hadn’t been time for his mother to save his father. Maybe that’s what she would have done: turned him into a shifter to save his life.
When I said nothing, Meadow picked up a cookie and nibbled on it. “You should come over for dinner, or we can bring something here. It might be good for you to get out, though. It seems like you’ve spent all your time cooped up inside.”
I wondered how they knew, whether the concierge was reporting on my movements – or lack thereof – to all the shifters who thought they had some kind of responsibility for me. I made a note to ask Deirdre or Mercy, just so I could be sure. There wasn’t any reason to live in a free apartment if it meant I’d be monitored like a naughty teenager. But I attempted a smile. “Thank you, that’s a kind offer. I haven’t left much because I still look a little like I got beat with a baseball bat.” I gestured self-consciously at my face to make sure they knew what I meant.
Rafe’s gaze drifted away, apparently unwilling to comment on my appearance, but Meadow’s attention never wavered. If anything, it got more intense. “You can’t even see anything anymore, Percy. And even if you could... It wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone gave you shit over it, then that’stheirproblem, not yours.”
I managed a half-hearted smile. “Doesn’t make it any easier to face the world, though.”
“It gets better,” she said quietly. She even reached across the coffee table to squeeze my hand. “I promise. I was in... a similar situation. Not exactly the same as yours, but close. Rafe saved me. But it took a long time to feel like myself again.”
“Let me clarify,” Rafe said, before I could ask anything or Meadow could go on. He played with a few of her curls and his entire demeanor softened. “Meadow rescued herself. She just let me carry her home.”
She laughed and smiled, and when they gazed at each other, I saw the same love and connection that Edgar and his wife shared. It turned my stomach even more, and I struggled to keep my guts in one place. I hadn’t eaten much all day, so it wasn’t like I would have produced anything but bile, but still.
Meadow flushed and pushed him away after Rafe said something soft and no doubt endearing in her ear. Then she looked back at me, her cheeks pink. “Anyway. I just wanted you to know that it gets better, even if it takes a while. Just be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need.”
“Thanks,” I said, and rubbed my shoulder as my muscles ached. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
“It’ll sneak up on you,” she said. Meadow offered a few more thoughts on how eventually everything would be fine, then twined her fingers together a little nervously and pressed her lips together. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about this. Deirdre said you just wanted to go back to normal life, so I’m sure us being here kind of disrupts that.”
My eyebrows rose, and I started to frown as I considered. Ihadwanted to go back to normal. I’d told them all that multiple times: walking away, going back to the way things were, finding normal again. But somehow... somehow between that incredible night with Dodge and everything that came after, ‘normal’ lost some of its appeal. ‘Normal’ looked lonely, and alone, and limited. Woefully uninformed and completely lacking in magic, in possibilities.
I swallowed a knot in my throat. Somewhere along the way, I started to want what they offered, what a pack meant. I wanted the supernatural in my life. I wanted Dodge in my life, and that meant his pack, and his friends, and everything about him that was so beyond normal it was extraordinary.
I exhaled and my eyes prickled with threatening tears as the feeling of loneliness rose up again. I wanted the pack and yet didn’t have it. Maybe I’d never have it. I managed to clear my throat and say, “I used to think I wanted normal, but... but I think my opinion is starting to change. After the last few weeks, having a pack has been a huge help. I don’t think I would have survived without Mercy and Deirdre and everyone else. Including Edgar and his family.”
“That’s good to hear,” Rafe said. He squeezed Meadow’s hand. “There is a lot that packs bring to the table that we don’t often pay attention to. It’s very useful to have a built-in family. No matter what the rest of the world is doing or thinking, there’s always support.”
I nodded, though my throat closed and made it difficult to breathe or speak. “Sure.”
Although it felt like I’d waited too long and maybe Deirdre’s family didn’t want me anymore. Maybe Dodge didn’t want me near his pack, since they’d belonged to him first. I forced a smile and tried to say lightly, “Maybe I’ll join your pack, if you’ll have me.”
They glanced at each other, a quick look that communicated surprise and a bit of hesitation. My heart sank. Okay, so maybe one didn’t just invite oneself to someone’s pack. Was it invite-only?
