Page 5 of Ashes to Ashes
“That would be the first thing,” Rocky said, his voice growing animated as he slipped into manager mode and his mind whipped through all the ways we could turn this tale on its head. “The public loves a good tell-all and I’m sure I could get you a fat advance from one of the big publishing houses.” His enthusiasm waned and his face turned thoughtful. “There’s no way you can tour now. Instead, I’d recommend getting back in the studio and recording your next album—one where you sing all those sad songs you’ve been writing for years.”
“I don’t know,” I breathed, tense at the idea of sharing that much of myself with the world.
I had five thick notebooks filled to the brim with lyrics I’d written over the course of my marriage, and fifteen additional ones I’d filled in the two years since the divorce. I’d needed to get those feelings out of me as much as I’d needed air to breathe and food tolive.
But still … how could I share allthat?
“You don’t think an interview would be enough to set the story straight?”
I was being naïve and everyone in the room knew it, but Charlotte was the first to say so. “Right. Because everyone is going to magically believe your side of the story when for years Ford has been creating his own narrative of who you are, what your marriage waslike.”
“She’s right,” Rocky added. “The second you give that interview—and I’m thinking we go with Grace Trombley to give it some gravitas—his camp is going to issue a rebuttal and come back at you harder than ever. Ford knows you were in rehab, but he’s miraculously kept quiet up until now. The second word gets back to him that you’ve broken your silence, he’ll concoct some lurid tale about how you drank during your marriage and stayed silent because he thought that’s what you needed to get better. No matter what you say about his misdeeds, he’s going to turn them around on you. I swear the man studied Nazi propaganda with the way he plays to the press and hisfans.”
Rocky wasn’t wrong. Everything Ford had publicly accused me of were things he’d done himself … and then some. The cheating, the late-night parties, the out-of-control spending—that was textbook Crawford Madigan. If I wasn’t certain Ford hadn’t read a single, solitary book during the entirety of our marriage, I might have believed he’d studied Joseph Goebbels’ playbook.
That snake Kurt, though? I wouldn’t put it pasthim.
I was filled with shame and regret all over again. Why I hadn’t divorced Ford before he could destroy me remained one of the great mysteries of my life. Almost immediately after the wedding I’d realized he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was, but love was a strange thing. It made you do things you never thought you’d do … like try to make someone love you when you knew they were incapable of it, or stay in a marriage that was dead because you kept hoping you could somehow make itwork.
“If I’m opening myself up to all that, why do it?” I asked them both. While I’d warmed to the idea, I wasn’t entirely convinced.
“Because it’s time you told your side of the story,” Charlotte said, slamming her palm onto the table. “You’ve kept quiet too long. You’re not the villain here, he is. It’s time he paid for what he’s done to you. His fans are sending you death threats, for fuck’s sake, and he refuses to tell them to back the fuck off. It’s time you stopped walking on egg shells.” Her tone softened. “You have the money, Rae. Use it to buy your freedom.”
I looked between the two people I trusted most. They loved me, wanted me to be safe, and would do anything in their power to help me. They were also professionals. Their advice wasn’t just coming from my friends; it was coming from the team I paid to guideme.
“Okay,” I said with a nod, deciding to throw my fate to the wind. “An interview, a tell-all book, and a new album.” I nodded again, this time with more surety. “Let’s get startedthen.”
