Page 64 of As Angels Sin
Where does the monster fit into the mix?
“Daddy,” Adison launches herself out of her chair and sprints toward me. She’s been so busy with her friends I’ve barely seen her all day. I catch her when she gets to me and hoist her high into the air, spinning around to happyawwwsfrom the other parents.
It’s only then, when I see the joy on my daughter’s face and feel a smile of my own brewing across my face, that Jenson’s words sink in.
Five years. Longer than it took for my mother to pass, and the men who did it to die. It really does feel like yesterday that I could hold Adison’s entire body in the palm of my hand. Now it takes an effort, not much, but enough to realize it, to hold her over my head and fly her around like an airplane.
Soon, she’ll be too big for even this. Not because of my inability to do it, but because she’ll no longer want to be treated like a child.
And then what?
I am feeling the empty nest decades before it happens.
“Okay,Daddy,” Fiametta says at my side, and it tickles my brain in the best possible way. “It’s time.” She’s holding Adison’s birthday cake — a big, red lady-bug with sparkling bits and sprinkles layered over the top.
“Happy birthday, Addy. I... I love you,” The words have never felt comfortable in my mouth, and it still shows.
I can fake so much these days. A day job selling guns at a hunting store, very similar to the one I had in New York. Friendships the other guys believe are real, which are just set dressing in the life I’ve built for myself. I even go to darts’ nights on Tuesdays with a few of the other guys.
But love eludes me. I know I feel something for both Fiametta and Adison. I have a strange sensation inside my chest that I believe is love. But without anything to compare it to, how can I know? So, I say it as often as I can, and with as much meaning as I can, because I want them to know it.
It’s the only part about myself I want to be real. And my family makes me believe it is. Every day, in every way.
“We love you too, Daddy.” Adison hugs me as I lower her to my hip.
“Love you lots and lots,” Fiametta giggles, and stands on her toes to peck my cheek again.
One of the boys at the table shoutseeuhand pulls a funny face, and the rest of the children — and most of the grownups join in the laughter — me included.
Adison heads to her seat once more, and my wife and I stand behind her. We light the candles, sing her happy birthday song, and bask in the glow and beauty of this new life.
I kiss her when the cheering begins.
Oh, how I’ve changed, my Little Flame.
And it’s all your fault.
We are fire and ruin, madness and mayhem.
Branded by a love that devours, and leaves nothing behind.
THE END.
