Page 23 of Playing for the Dark
He wants me to say it, and I will, but I can’t look him in the eyes. “I’m attracted to you, Zamir.” I breathe out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, looking down at the floor, but continuing to say, “You live sobeautifully, not caring what people say about you or your sexuality.” He grabs hold of my chin.
“Don’t hide from me, Nash, and I don’t want you acting ashamed that you find me attractive. I only want to know why you wouldn’t feed into it with me.” He’s smiling at me now. “I’ve been unashamedly flirting with you since you’ve gotten here, and you’ve shut me down every time. I was convinced you were a homophobic piece of shit from Texas.” I flinch at that last part because that’s exactly what my father is and what he tried to feed my brain from the youngest age possible.
“You’ve been flirting with me?” I don’t recall anything that seemed like flirting the past couple of weeks, but what do I know?
“Are you kidding? Look at you.” He steps away from me, running his eyes up and down my body. I shift in place under the heat of his gaze. Fuck, I can feel my cock stiffening.
“Zamir, we’re supposed to be watching film.” I try to change the subject, but he won’t have it.
“Too bad we’re on the same page now, Djale I Bukur. No more fighting this.” He’s motioning his hands between us. “You’ve got a new road roomie, though, and we’re going to have lots of fun this season.” He’s rubbing his hands together like he’s scheming up the next big move.
We head over to my huge cloud couch, and I sit down in the corner. Zamir may as well sit on top of me. He’s so close, but I can’t say I’m mad about it.
I can’t stop thinking about giving into these desires that have been coursing through me for so long. I don’t feel like this with any other guys, but it’s like our souls have a pull to one another.
Maybe we can just be teammates and friends.You can find your friends attractive, right?
He turns to me, putting his game face on. “Back to business. We really do need to watch some film. No matter how we’re getting along now, we’ve still been sucking dick as a pair on the field.” My mind immediately goes to his cock in my mouth, and I have to bite back a groan. Coach is serious about us getting along, but maybe he’ll get off our backs once he sees us being civil.
“Fine. I’ll turn on the game when you played the Devils last season.” We play them as our season opener in two weeks at home. I make a mental note to text Ellie and see if she wants to come watch me since she loves football so much. I wonder if his family is supportive of him playing. “Is any of your family coming to the opener?”
He huffs out, “No, they wish I’d get a compound fracture and never be able to play again.”
“Shit, my dads bad, but that’s just graphic.” A distant look crosses his face, but he snaps out of it like he remembers where he is, turning to the TV.
I’ve finally got the game on, but we’re both in our own world. I finish my beer off and turn towards Z to see if he needs a refill. He takes the last swig of his bourbon, and I watch his neck and bulging adam’s apple move up and down as he swallows. I go to grab the now empty cup from his hand, grazing his finger, and there it is, the smallest bit of contact, lighting my ass on fire.
I lock into his emerald eyes and can’t look away this time. We’re both still holding the damn glass, almost fighting for power. I hate to tell him, but I don’t give up control easily. The other night with Ellie was the first time I’ve ever taken the back seat in any sexual encounter, but I can’t say I hated it either.Older women might be my thing. He might have to take charge since I’ve never fooled around with guys before.
He goes to stand, and so do I; we’re face to face now. I’m an inch or two taller than him, but he doesn’t let that intimidate him. His slutty little waist peaking out of that crop top is making my knees wobble. His whole outfit should be outlawed. He’s looking into my eyes but at the same time dipping those pools of green down to roam over my lips and back up again. Just to tempt him even more, I drag my tongue out to wet my bottom lip, and on the way back in, pull my lip between my teeth. A low groan comes from him, and he grits out, “You wanna play, Djale I Bukur?”
“I feel like we shouldn’t be doing this,” I blurt out.
“I love the taboo; tell me more.” He runs his nose up and down my neck, inhaling, and I catch myself tilting my head back to give him better access. Fuck, I want him so bad, but what if this goes south. What if I hate being with a man?Your cock’s rock hard… I don’t think that’s a worry at this point.
Before I can even say yes, he’s grabbing the front of my neck with his free hand and smashing his lips to mine. He gives a gentle squeeze, almost like he’s testing me, and an unexpected whimper comes out of me. “You like being choked like a little slut?”
The feel of his stubble rubbing mine shouldn’t feel this good. I’m running my free hand up the tight muscles of his chest, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and into the nape of his hair to pull him closer to me. This feels so wrong, but I don’t think my dick can get any harder.
Nothing could make me believe at this moment that I’m not into Zamir. Not even my dumbass dad made me believe that attraction can only be towards the opposite gender.
I pull away from him slightly just to appreciate those now swollen lips, and I can tell he’s trying to gauge if I’m going to flip out or not. His hand is still on my throat, but not squeezing,sadly. I don’t freak out, but I grip the glass again, harder this time to pull it out of his hand and walk over to the kitchen.
“We can’t get feelings involved.” I’ve never seen him look hurt, but I think I just hit him where it does. “I just don’t think I can with a teammate, you know?”
“Yeah, for the team, right.” He sounds distant. “Have you messed around with guys before?”
“I kissed a guy friend in college, drunk on a dare once.” That’s when I knew I was bi, but I never said anything to anyone; I was denying it even to myself then.
“Fuck! I don’t do this, Nash. I don’t entertain baby bi’s. If you’ve even come to terms with it. I’ll support you either way, but be upfront with me. I don’t want to get hurt.” He’s acting like I’m down on one knee asking for marriage? I just told him I’m attracted to him and maybe want to explore these curiosities.
“Just help me explore. Nothing else. No feelings, just fun.” Sadness is taking over him. “Why do you look like I just ran over your chihuahua?”
He bursts out laughing. He’s bent over his legs, gasping for air, howling. “Why a fucking chihuahua? You could’ve just said dog or grandma.” He’s laughing between his words. “You’re fucking funny, man.”
I answer him honestly, “Because everyone would expect you would have some big bad dog, like a Doberman or Pit, with all your tattoos and bad boy attitude. But in all reality, you have your sixteen-year-old family chihuahua that has no teeth and bites everything within a ten-foot radius.” He’s laughing so hard now he’s not even making a noise, tears runningdown his face. He has his hand up in front of my face, telling me he can’t take anymore.
Finally catching his breath, he rushes out, “How did you know we had a chihuahua? I had to leave Jaws back home since we couldn’t have pets in college. And they hold their own for real. You see a chihuahua, and you’re running.”
