Page 23 of Second Chance with Seth
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because I was a selfish fool, too impatient to talk or to listen.”
That’s not an answer… not a detailed enough one, anyway. Even if he was selfish and impatient, that still doesn’t tell meanything. But now doesn’t feel like the right time to discuss our failings. It’ll only make me cry.
“And why didn’t you come back?” I ask instead.
“Because I was ashamed of what I’d done…”
“What you’d done?” I say, sitting forward again, although I don’t move my chair, which makes it a little uncomfortable. Images of him with Helen Rogers flash through my mind, and I feel my stomach churn. “Why? What had you done, Seth?”
“I’d put myself first, ignoring how hard things were for you, just because it suited me. I might have wanted to help you, to lighten the load, but it didn’t come across like that.”
“No, it didn’t. But was that all you did?” I ask, those images still running riot around my head.
“There were other things, too… other ways in which I was inconsiderate to you. But whatever else I got wrong, whether real or perceived, I’m sorry.” I can see in his eyes that he means it, but looking into those sapphire pools only reminds me of his daughter, and I swallow down the lump in my throat and shake my head. “Don’t you believe me?” he says, misunderstanding my reaction.
“I don’t know what to believe.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No. You just left me.”
He sighs, pushing his fingers back through his hair. “I know. But I’m trying to make it right again. Don’t you want that, too?”
More than anything.
I stand, surprising him, I think. “I—I can’t do this now,” I say, knowing that the longer he stays, the more chance there is of River waking up. She never sleeps for long at this time of day, and I really don’t want him to find out about her by accident. I might want him back, but we need to talk first, and I need to work out how to tell him he’s a father… and I can’t do either of those things in the middle of the coffee shop. His eyes widenand he sucks in a breath. That obviously wasn’t the response he’d expected… or hoped for, although he nods his head and gets to his feet, reaching for my hand. I let him take it, and he looks down, studying my fingers.
“Can I come back another time?” he asks.
How can I say ‘no’? He so clearly wants this, and I do, too. There’s no point in pretending I don’t. I’ve always wanted him back… providing we can work things out between us. Besides, he has a right to know about his daughter, and to hear of her existence from me, and no-one else.
“Okay.”
He takes a moment, breathing deeply and raising his eyes to mine. “How about this evening? I could take you to dinner, if you like?”
That’s too much like the first time he came here, and besides, there are too many things to decide… like whether to have River with me when I tell him who she is. If I don’t, who will I get to look after her? Whoever it is, I’ll have to tell them what’s going on, and I don’t know how to do that, when I barely understand it myself.
It’s complicated, and I need more time to work it out.
“I’m busy this evening,” I say, and he frowns.
“Are you seeing him?” He glances over at Owen, and I pull my hand from his.
“No. I’m not seeing anyone.”
“Tonight, or at all?”
“Stop it, Seth. You can’t question me like this. I’m not yours anymore.”
“Like hell you’re not,” he growls, my body heating as he steps closer, gazing down into my eyes. “Tell me when you first became mine. Tell me when it happened for you.”
He already knows the answer to this, but rather than reminding him of that, I say, “Th—The moment we met.”
He nods his head. “Exactly. It was the same for me. And nothing’s changed.”
I can’t deny that. Why would I want to? I’m his, and I don’t want it any other way. “I’m still not free this evening,” I whisper, and he nods his head.
