The thought itself doesn’t surprise him, but the sudden intensity of it nearly knocks the wind out of him. Because Cass isn’tjusttrustworthy, isn’tjustloyal, isn’tjustkind and patient and intelligent and attractive?—
He’s perfect. Perfect in all the ways JJ wants, perfect in all the ways JJneeds.
Perfect in all the ways JJ someday wants to be.
And Cass cares about JJ. JJ knows that. He knows that Cass cares about him as a person and a friend and a co-parent, but he just wishes it were…
More. More than friendship, more than camaraderie and companionship, more than co-parenting and co-habiting and co-everything.
He wishes that Cass loved JJ. Just like JJ is pretty sure that, somewhere along the way, he started to fall in love with Cassius Chin. “Well,” he says, trying to match Cass’s light tone, “maybe it’s working.”
Cass’s grin widens. “Yeah?”
JJ ducks his head, trying to hide his smile. “Yeah.”
“Good,” Cass whispers, and he nudges closer into JJ’s space, their knees brushing together. “Tell me what else you want to know, JJ. I have a wealth of useless knowledge on every subject imaginable.”
I want to know everything about you.JJ swallows the words down. “Well,” he asks hesitantly, “do you know any lore about Cachapa Castle or Pad Thai Palace?”
“Oh, do Iever,”Cass drawls, and as he launches into his next story while Desi giggles at her favorite show, JJ takes a deep breath to clear out the roaring in his chest and wishes beyond anything that this moment could last forever.
34
And can we see the monkeys, too?” Desi asks excitedly, bouncing up and down on her toes. “I want to see the monkeys!”
“Sure,” Ez says, ruffling her hair. “There are lots of howler monkeys in Costa Rica. We’ll go on a boat tour.”
Desi looks delighted.“Howlermonkeys?”
Cass swats Ez’s arm. “Don’tscarethe girl, Ez.”
Obie looks unimpressed. “You’re the one who’s scared of howler monkeys, Cass. Not Desi.”
“Because they’re intimidating!” Cass insists. “They sound like a freight train, Obie! An animal that small shouldnotsound like death approaching!”
“I’ve never seen a howler monkey,” JJ muses, tilting his head to one side. “Or a regular monkey, for that matter.”
Desi gasps, clapping her hands. “JJ! You should come with us!”
“Nuh-uh,” Ez says, wrinkling her nose at JJ. “This is a ‘no parents allowed’ field trip. Auntie Ez and Uncle Obieonly.”
“Aww!” Desi protests.
Cass fights back a smile. In the spirit of enriching young Desi’s education, Ez and Obie decided that they should start taking her on periodic field trips to see the world. After all, there’s only so much she can learn from within the confines of Cass’s safe house, and since Cass and JJ are currently wanted by both the Chainandthe Sanctum, that responsibility thus falls on Desi’s esteemed aunt and uncle.
Apparently, the fact that Cass and JJ haven’t even officially started homeschooling her yet is irrelevant. Cass suspects that Ez and Obie just want an excuse to spoil their niece with tasty food, shiny trinkets, and new experiences.
Frankly, Cass can’t blame them. He’s a big fan of spoiling Desi, too. Now, he crouches down, spreading his arms out. “All right, sweetie. Be good for your aunt and uncle, okay?”
“Okay!” Desi says, hugging him tightly. “See you soon, Cass!”
“And take lots of pictures for me,” JJ adds, crouching down next to Cass. His smile is fond, and Cass’s heart shivers with it. “I want to hear all about the animals when you get home, okay?”
“I’ll take pictures ofeverything!”Desi promises, hefting her new camera proudly. It’s one that JJ bought for her with his own money, and Desi’s obvious excitement about it makes Cass’s chest feel warm. She clearly doesn’t have the slightest idea how to use it—despite JJ’s best efforts, she keeps trying to tap the viewfinder like a touchscreen instead of pressing the shutter button—but her dad got it for her, so she loves it anyway.
And the way JJ beams whenever she plays with it makes Cass want to kiss him on the mouth. But JJ does a lot of things that make Cass want to kiss him on the mouth lately, up to and including just walking into the room, so he’s nobly ignoring the impulse.
“Have fun, honey,” JJ says now, hugging Desi one last time before standing up and stepping back towards Cass.
