“That sounds overwhelming,” Cass says quietly.
Abruptly, JJ’s shoulders relax. It’s the way they always relax when Cass inadvertently stumbles on the exact word JJ hasn’t admitted to himself yet, and despite the seriousness of their conversation, Cass almost smiles at the sight. “It was. And it never ended. It felt like we were trapped, and—and we didn’t even have each other anymore. Because Chester looked at me differently after that. And I looked at him differently, too. I knew what he did down in the prison, but I’d never actually seen it firsthand. It…” He shudders. “Honestly, it—it scared me.”
The words make all too much sense. “The Council probably knew that would happen,” Cass says, and when JJ frowns at him, he continues, “You said that it felt like they wanted to separate you and Chester from the start, right? Bedrooms on different floors, jobs in different specialties. They wanted to keep you isolated, to undermine your friendship. To make it so you never questioned the Sanctum too deeply. And they knew putting you two in that situation would make it so—” Sadness twists through him. “So your relationship would never be the same, probably.”
JJ’s breathing sounds shaky. “No,” he says haltingly. “No, we were never the same after that. We never really… trusted each other again. I mean, I would die for him in a heartbeat, but—but it felt different. Because it felt like Chester was more loyal to the Sanctum than he was to me, and he probably thought the same thing about me.” He meets Cass’s eyes. “You really think the Sanctum did it on purpose?”
“I wouldn’t put it past them,” Cass says, and he hesitates. “And this last time? When Chester interrogated you again?”
“His shift was only six hours. Could’ve been worse. I think the Sanctum sent him in more to twist the knife than anything else. He got me talking a little in the beginning—I felt like I owed him some kind of explanation—but I couldn’t say much without compromising you and Desi, so I didn’t.” His eyes flicker over to Cass’s. “He didn’t want to do it that time, either. He told me that he tried to refuse the assignment, and I—I believed him.”
“Then I believe you.” Cass considers him closely. “You really didn’t tell them anything about Desi? Or—or me?”
JJ looks surprised that Cass even has to ask. And, over all these weeks, Cass never felt theneedto ask.
He knew he didn’t have to.
“Of course not,” JJ says now, frowning. “I had to protect you two.”
Just like he always has. Cass’s chest aches, but it’s a good ache. “Thank you,” he says softly. “For that. I know I haven’t said this in so many words, but thank you for staying behind so we could escape, and thank you for keeping us safe. That means the world to me.”
“Well, you—” JJ cuts himself off. Looks away. “You… mean the world to me. You and Desi. So I—I’ll always keep you safe.”
Cass’s heart stutters. He knows that here and now, in the middle of a painful conversation long past nightfall, is neither the time nor the place to think about something more with JJ, but?—
But sometimes, Cass justwants.“You and Desi mean the world to me, too,” he says carefully. “And you know I’ll always protect you. So I guess we have that in common.”
JJ gives him a small smile. “Yeah. I guess we do,” he says, and suddenly, his eyebrows furrow. “Actually, full disclosure: Ididtell Chester a few things about you when he asked.”
Cass’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” JJ’s lips twist a little higher. “I told him that you really like churros con chocolate. And that you’re a dick.”
Cass throws back his head and laughs. “Oh, I’m sure helovedthat.”
JJ grins back, his posture loose and his smile easy. And even if Cass can’t go back in time to protect JJ from everything that happened to him, even if he can’t use his magic to smooth over those wounds and make JJ feel whole again?—
Even if he can’t do any of that, he’s still thankful whenever JJ gives Cass another little piece of his darkness and trusts him to treat it with care.
He hopes it means just as much to JJ as it does to him.
33
JJ anxiously twists from side to side in front of the foyer mirror, checking his new glamour from every angle. “Are wesurethis is a good idea?”
“Nope,” Cass says, grabbing his wallet off the table and stuffing it into his pocket. His tone is breezy and relaxed, but JJ can see the faint line of tension in his shoulders. “But we have to brave the outside world again at some point. It’s been almost a full month since the Sanctum targeted us at Lakeside, so the hunters won’t be watching as closely, and Ez and Obie say that we’re not as high on the Chain’s priority list, either. This is a low-risk opportunity to get the lay of the land.” His lips twitch. “Plus, I’ve missed Tacos Near Me. I’m sure you have, too.”
JJ forces a smile. “Definitely,” he says, and he turns back to the mirror. While Cass kept JJ’s original glamour close to his real appearance, this new one couldn’t be more different: pale skin, light brown hair, hazel eyes. Cass adopted light brown skin and bleached-blond hair for himself, a far cry from his usual bronze-gold skin and silky black hair. There’s no way anyone could recognize them—not the Sanctum, not the Chain, not even the food truck crowd.
That doesn’t stop JJ from worrying, though. He rakes his hair back from his forehead, grimacing. He’s barely left the safety of this house for the past month, and even during his handful of visits to Roma, Cass rifted him directly to her apartment complex. The thought of casually walking to the Courtyard and ordering tacos within a stone’s throw of where the Sanctum captured JJ makes him feel queasy, but?—
“Hey.” Cass’s voice is soft. “Don’t worry, JJ. I’ve got your back, okay?”
JJ’s heart flutters. “Okay,” he says haltingly. “And I—I’ve got yours, too.”
Cass’s eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles. “I know,” he says, and abruptly, he turns away. “I’ll get Desi. I’m sure she’ll have some opinions about her new glamour.”
JJ tears his eyes away as Cass jogs down the hall, swallowing hard. He’s still nervous about going out in public like this, obviously—even with glamours and anti-tracking spells, there’s no guarantee that a particularly skilled spellcaster couldn’t find them—but ever since two nights ago, he’s been getting butterflies around Cass for an entirely different reason.
