“We need to wash those first, sweetheart,” Cass and Memory-Cass say at the same time, and Cass narrows his eyes as Memory-Cass turns back to Memory-JJ. “What are we even supposed todowith all these strawberries?”
“Lots of things!” Memory-JJ says, busily unpacking the bags. “We can make dried strawberries and shortcake and jam and smoothies and?—”
“Withthirteen boxes?”
Memory-JJ gestures meaningfully at where Desi is rinsing a strawberry under the faucet. “We’ll probably eat at least one box today alone!”
Taking a deep breath, Cass steps into Memory-Cass’s space, thinking back to his next line. “We need to have a serious conversation about your buying habits, Jackson. You understand that I do feed Desi regularly, right?”
“But do you feed herstrawberriesregularly?” Memory-JJ counters, and with a flourish, he pulls a tub of whipped topping out of a bag. “And look! We can dip them in here, too!”
Desi gasps. “Hooray!” she cheers, and Memory-JJ obediently pries off the top for her. She dunks a freshly rinsed strawberry into the tub and takes a huge bite. “Thanks, JJ!”
Memory-JJ beams. Cass’s heart melts a little at the expression, just like it did the first time he lived through this.
And this was a good memory. It really was. But there have been so many others like it over the past few months, so many other moments when he and JJ and Desi spent time together, cooked together, played together,laughedtogether?—
“Desi,” Cass says slowly, breaking character as Memory-JJ washes a few strawberries for himself, “why did you choose this memory?”
Desi looks surprised that he even has to ask. “Because we were a family. And that’s the most important thing, right? That we were a family?”
Before Cass can respond, Memory-JJ turns back to him. “Here,” he says, and he hands a strawberry to Cass. “For you.”
Cass’s eyes sting. “Thanks, lackey,” he says haltingly, and he nibbles on the strawberry, watching as JJ pats his own dry with a paper towel.
Memory-JJ. Not real JJ. Honestly, Cass doesn’t even know if there’s enough of the real JJ’s soul left to come back, not anymore.
But maybe Cass can pretend. Maybe he can just stay here, cycling through all his best memories with JJ, loving him andgrievinghim?—
Until Ez breaks the connection, and he’s gone forever.
Memory-JJ pops the entire strawberry into his mouth, leaves and all. Cass remembers his next line and wrinkles his nose. “I’m sorry. Did you just eat the green bit?”
“What?” Memory-JJ says defensively, holding a hand over his mouth as he chews. “The green bit is edible!”
“That doesn’t mean you have to eat itlike a barbarian!”
“But it’sfine,”Memory-JJ protests, and he holds out another strawberry for Cass. “Here, try it.”
“I will not,” Cass says, downing half the strawberry in one bite and then eatingaroundthe green bit, like a normal person.
“Spoilsport.”
“Heathen.”
For a moment, Memory-JJ grins at him.
And then he frames Cass’s face between his hands, leans forward, and kisses him.
Cass’s brain short-circuits the instant their lips touch. Immediately,instinctively,he wraps his arms around JJ, feeling the sure slide of JJ’s mouth under his own, hearing the heart beating firmly in his chest?—
When JJ pulls away, he stays close in Cass’s space. Foreheads still touching, eyes still closed. Breath still warm against Cass’s lips.
Cass’s pulse is pounding and his throat feels dry. “You didn’t do that the first time,” he whispers.
“I wish I did, though.” There’s a strange, distant quality to JJ’s voice. Like he’s not entirely here with Cass, not entirelyback,but like he’s trying. Trying to hang on. “I wish I’d kissed you every day, Cass.”
Cass’s chest feels raw. “I wish that, too,” he says, and he squeezes his eyes shut, pulling JJ closer. “JJ. Julian. Please come back to me. Please come back.”
