We head over to my parents’house. When we walk in, Rhodes is holding Levi and has his fingers threaded through mine. Levi smiles shyly at my parents. He knows them, but not enough to run into their arms right away. By the time we finish eating, he’ll be warmed up and ready for that. We sit down at the table and things are a little awkward at first, but my parents are trying and I’m grateful for that.
“Dad and I thought maybe you guys could go to church with us after this,” Mom says, piling mashed potatoes on my plate.
“What time does it start? Hasn’t it been really late the past few years?”
“We made it earlier this year so everyone can spend time with their families.”
“I don’t know,” I say, looking at Rhodes. “Technically, I’m not supposed to be with Rhodes because of being on the team.” I thought I’d told my parents that already, but maybe I haven’t.
“Well, that certainly hasn’t stopped you,” my mom sayssharply. “I think it would be good to go to church if you’re serious about being together. What better way to start this than being with family and community in church on Christmas Eve?”
I look at Rhodes and I can tell he’s not loving this conversation, but he smiles at me and squeezes my hand.
“I’ll do whatever you want to do, Elle love,” he says.
My cheeks flush, hearing him call me that in front of my parents, but I kind of love it.
I square my shoulders. “Okay, we’ll go. It’s not a long service, so we’ll still get back in time to have hot chocolate with Levi and get everything ready after he goes to bed.”
My dad takes a bite of food and says, “Great. It’ll be really nice having you there. Bernard says his aunt is coming in and I know she’d love to see you.”
I set my fork down. “I really wish you would stop inserting Bernard into the conversation where I’m concerned. I have no desire to be with Bernard…or hear about him ortalkto him...”
My dad holds his hand up. “Well, I don’t see why you can’t still be friendly.”
“I’m not going to be hateful to anyone. But I can’t betoofriendly because the two of you…andBernard keep trying to push us together.” I glance at Rhodes. “Bernard called on my way home from work asking if we could see each other sometime over the holiday. I said no.”
His jaw tightens and he nods slightly.
I look at my parents. “I don’t know how to make it any clearer…I don’t want to be with Bernard. Ever. Besides the fact that I don’t have feelings for him, he has a serious P-O-R-N,” I spell out for Levi’s sake, “addiction that’s keeping him from having a normal S-E-X-U-A-L relationship, and that’s just not something I would wish on any woman…not until he’s ready to deal with that. But even if he did work on that, I wouldn’t want to be with him.”
I can feel Rhodes’ stunned reaction and my parents both stare at me in shock.
“S-E-X shouldn’t have been on the table yet anyway, with the two of you not married, but uh…we…we didn’t know that,” my mom says.
“Yeah, there’s a lot about Bernard you don’t know. I haven’t wanted to be the one to tell you, but I wish you would just trust me when I say, we’re not the right fit. And all of this is a moot point anyway because I’m with Rhodes now. Wedofit. And most importantly, we’re happy.”
I smile at Rhodes and he leans over and kisses my cheek.
“Yes, we are,” he says.
My mom nods slowly. My dad clears his throat and we eat.
I’m grateful my dad doesn’t say anything about me forgiving Bernard. I forgave him a long time ago, not just about the porn and lack of attention when it came to the bedroom, but for the way he tried to control what I wore and how I acted. The way he continuously put me down. He never once asked for my forgiveness. I don’t owe him another thing.
“Did you know that Levi knows all the words to ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?’” I ask.
Levi’s eyes light up. “I know that song!”
“Oh, I would love to hear that,” my mom says.
“How about as soon as we’re done eating?” Rhodes says. “That way, the whole table won’t also experience Levi’s mashed potatoes.”
We all laugh and some of the tension eases.
We walkinto the church just minutes before the service is about to start. We sit a few rows from the back. My mom wanted us to sit up front with her, but I didn’t want to be quite that conspicuous. Too bad we couldn’t wear the disguises tonight.
The sanctuary is full. The trees are lit with white lights and it’s beautiful. A few people wave when they see me and stare at Rhodes in awe. He’s been here many times over the years and it’s always a big deal when he comes. We sing Christmas songs and a few passages of scripture are read. Levi loves the music. When it’s over, we say hello to a few people. I find my mom and we all hug her.
