"I don't know what I want anymore. I was hoping coming home would give me some clarity."
I didn't know what to say to her. I'd never been one to be particularly motivated, or goal oriented. I enjoyed my current job. I liked being around my family. It made sense to work at the resort.
"It's getting late. I should get home." Tori stood, folding the blanket.
I stood with her, knowing I'd clear our table later, after she was gone.
She pulled her jacket tight around her shoulders. "It's colder here somehow."
"The snow on the ground keeps the air temperature colder."
"In New York, the snow turns black."
I'd never had any desire to go to New York. All those buildings, the smog. I shuddered just thinking about the sheer number of people.
I opened the door to go back into the lodge. There were very few people in the room. The party had mainly cleared out. It was late. I kept a hand on her lower back as we walked slowly through the lodge to the lobby. "Did you drive, or should I call you a car?"
"Would you mind driving me? I don't want to make small talk with strangers."
"Of course." I wouldn't deny Tori anything.
Outside, I nodded toward the valet who took off for my vehicle. We kept ours in a garage so we didn't need to worry about snow and ice.
When it pulled up, I opened the door for Tori. I waited while she gathered her skirt and climbed inside. I closed the door behind her, struck that we'd done this many times before. We'd gone to school dances together as friends, and I'd driven her to school every morning.
In the cab, the heat was blaring, and Tori fiddled with the radio. I pulled from the curb while she settled for a holiday tune. "I love Christmas. I enjoyed seeing everyone, and my parents are happy."
"I bet." Tori was their pride and joy. They hadn’t been sure they could have kids, and when they finally had her, they spoiled her. I didn't blame them.
"I just don't want to let them down."
"How are you letting them down?" Her father always bragged about his daughter, who was a doctor in the city, saving people's lives in the emergency room and dating a surgeon. She could do no wrong in his eyes. "You have to live your life. This is your dream. Not your parents'."
"I guess."
I wasn't sure what was bothering her. She said she was happy with Hugh. Maybe it was the idea of letting go of her childhood dream and the pact we made. "You know, you don't have to do what you said you'd do at seventeen. We grow up and make different dreams and goals."
I hadn't, but I didn't think that would help her. I parked in front of her parents’ house. It looked as if it had a fresh coat of paint since I’d last visited, and there was new shrubbery under the windows.
"You're right. I'm just feeling nostalgic. It's silly." Tori made a move to open the truck's door, and I reached over to stop her with a hand on her leg.
The heat seared my palm, and I quickly withdrew. "You're not being silly."
Tori smiled at me, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Walk me to my door?"
"Of course." I was hoping we had an extra few minutes to talk in the warmth of the cab, but she was already getting out.
I hustled around the truck so I could assist her walking down the sidewalk. We'd gotten some fresh flurries during the party, and the concrete was covered in a fine coating of fresh powder. "I wish I had time to go skiing."
I chuckled. "You'd have to stay longer than a day or two for that."
"True," she said as we stepped onto her porch. The light was on, and I felt like a teenager taking her home. I wondered if her parents still waited up for her.
We stopped in front of her door and turned to face each other.
"I should get inside. I have an early flight tomorrow."
"It was good seeing you. I'm glad you stopped by," I said, my mouth dry. Why was I so nervous? This was Tori. I'd walked her to her door a million times when we were teenagers. Why was this time different? Was it the mention of the pact? The idea that I could be with Tori?
She tucked a chunk of blond hair behind her ear, her skin translucent in the dim lighting. Then her arms came around my neck, and she was hugging me, her body pressed against mine. After a few seconds, my arms banded around her waist. I held her tight to me.
She was obviously working through something. That's why she'd come home. But I didn't hold out hope that anything would change. She'd go back to New York and fall back into her amazing life with Hugh. They'd get married and have a couple of kids. Her life was there, and mine was here.
Every time she'd come home, I'd lose her all over again.
With a quick press of her cool lips on my cheek, she opened the door and slipped inside. "Good night, Xander."
Then she was gone. The door shut. I'd lost my opportunity. My opportunity to do what? I couldn't tell her she was making a mistake in walking away from her childhood dreams. I didn't even know who she was now.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and hunched my shoulders against the cold night air. There was no way she took that silly marriage pact seriously. Tori was destined for bigger things than me or this small town.
