I laughed and performed a few one-foot turns around her, showing off. “Sure. Me and my imaginary partner. Put us in, coach!”
“If you want a real partner, I have a pretty good idea where you could find one.”
I laughed again. Bella didn’t.
“Heath hates me,” I said. Yes, he’d called to tell me about Sheila’s funeral, but the message had been brief, businesslike at best.
“Plenty of skating partners hate each other,” Bella said. “Pretty sure Heath is incapable of hating you, though. He misses you.”
“He said that?”
“I mean, not in so many words. As I’m sure you’re aware, words are not that man’s strong suit. But I can tell.”
If Heath missed me so much, surely he would have contacted me long before Sheila’s death forced his hand.
Then again, I hadn’t attempted to get in touch with him either. And I’d fled the cemetery the second the service ended, like I was being chased by rabid coyotes.
“Why don’t you two team up for Sochi?” I asked. “Since you’re such goodfriends.”
“Because I’m a better coach than I ever was a skater—and I was a damn good skater.” She paused. “I don’t know if Garrett told y—”
“He did.” I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it: Garrett, stretched so thin by stress and guilt and self-flagellation that he’d frayed apart. He’d almostdied,and I’d had no idea.
“I should have seen it,” Bella said. “The way the pressure was eating him alive. I had myself convinced he thrived on it, like us.”
“Thriving? Is that what we were doing?”
“Probably not.” She shook her head. “How messed up is it that it took seeing my twin brother in traction to get me to rethink my life and my choices?”
I didn’t want to admit it, but I’d watched a bit of the Omaha Nationals. During Gaskell and Kovalenko’s gold medal–winning free dance, the broadcast kept cutting to Bella, standing behind the boards. Sheila had always been still and stoic when her skaters were on the ice; Bella was the complete opposite. She performed the program along with them, bouncing and smiling and swinging her arms. Seeing her so animated, so joyful, I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m sure you’re a fantastic coach,” I said. “But you can’t seriously think Heath and I could make the Olympic team. We’re practically senior citizens.”
“You’reexperienced.The U.S. ice dance program has been struggling since you split. Aside from Francesca and Evan, it’s a bunch of baby skaters who’ve never come anywhere near an international podium.”
Back in 2010, I had been so sure the Olympic Games would be the pinnacle of my existence. It was as if I’d nearly summitted a mountain, only to tumble down right before reaching the top. And now I was standing at the base, staring up at that distant peak again. Could I really be crazy enough to consider another climb?
“My mother left the Academy to me,” Bella said. “But the Lin name only goes so far. Now that Nationals are over, skaters are already talking about leaving to work with more experienced coaches. Having Shawand Rocha on our roster, especially if you made the Olympic team again—well, it would go a long way.”
“And you’ve spoken to Heath about this?” I knew even asking the question was declaring some level of interest. But ofcourseI was interested. As restorative as my just-for-the-hell-of-it skating regimen had been, I missed competing. I missed skating with a partner.
And yes, I’ll admit it: I missed Heath. I missed him the way a soldier misses a severed limb. Seeing him with Bella had hurt, but it was nothing compared to the phantom pain of his absence.
“I haven’t talked to him yet,” Bella said. “I didn’t want to get his hopes up, on the off chance you told me to go fuck myself. So are you telling me to go fuck myself?”
A soft ballad wafted from her phone speakers now, the album winding down. The sun had started to dip beneath the waves, and the fairy lights shone above us like golden stars.
I could have let Bella leave. She would have started up her rental car, driven to whatever boutique hotel she’d booked for the night, ordered room service, and flown back to California in the morning. We would have continued to go our separate ways, diverging further and further until the gap was too broad to bridge.
But she was right. I could never give it up, no matter how hard I tried.
“I’m starving,” I said. “Wanna eat some carbs?”
Bella grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Ellis Dean:When I heard Kat and Heath were considering a comeback, I thought they were crazy. Which is how I knew it was probably true.
Jane Currer:I was no longer involved in the day-to-day operations of U.S. Figure Skating, having moved on to a position with the International Olympic Committee. But news of their reunion certainly came as a shock to the entire athletic community.
