Jane Currer:Frankly, bronze was better than they deserved. The only reason they made it onto the podium at all was their stellar scores from the first two events.
Katarina and Heath stare straight ahead as the Canadian, Russian, and American flags rise.
Kirk Lockwood:You can’t understand what it’s like, unless you’ve been there. Metaphorically speaking—obviouslyI’venever been on the bronze medal step at the Olympics.
Garrett Lin:When expectations are that high? Anything but the best feels like failure.
Chapter 61
The last thing I felt like doing that night was celebrating.
But we returned to the Olympic Village to find a party already in progress. The U.S. women’s hockey team had trounced Sweden in the semifinals, and they seemed to have invited half the athletes at the Games to toast their victory.
Heath and I pushed through the crush of muscular women in red, white, and blue to reach our room. Not for the first time, I wished we’d booked off-site housing like the Lins; they were staying at a hotel on the waterfront, several kilometers removed from the chaos of the Games.
Though the official athlete accommodations were far from luxurious, they did offer one major perk: members of the press were banned from the premises. I couldn’t face another question aboutwhat went wrongorhow I was feeling.
I was feeling like shit. Like a complete failure. Like my entire life had been a waste and now, at the age of twenty-six, it was over.
Heath took his medal off and lay it gently on the nightstand. I kept mine on. The blue ribbon hung like a noose around my neck.
“Can we talk?” he said.
The flowers they’d given us on the podium were hideous, green and leafy like a bouquet of salad. I tore at the petals, scattering them on the industrial gray carpet.
When I didn’t respond, Heath continued. “I should have told you. I wanted to, so many times, but—”
“No, you should have fuckingtalkedto me instead of running away in the first place!”
I thrashed the bouquet against the wall. Heath flinched.
“And how dare you claim you did it all for me,” I said. “I never asked you to.”
“All you care about is winning.” Heath spoke calmly, evenly, like he was trying to gentle a wild animal. “So I turned myself into someone who could win. Someone worthy of you. But I guess that wasn’t enough either. Nothing’s ever enough for you.”
“That’s really what you think of me?”
“That’s who you’ve always been, Katarina. And I’ve always loved you anyway.”
There was no anger in his voice. No thorn of cruelty. Only exhaustion and resignation.
Somehow that made it hurt more.
“Sorry it’s been such a hardship for you.” My voice was solid ice.
Finally, his temper flared. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! I tell you I love you, and you throw it back in my face. I suffer foryearsto get back to you, and—”
“You wanted to get backatme. You wanted me to suffer too. That’s not love, Heath.”
“My love isn’t good enough for you either. Got it.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Then tell me, Katarina.” He sunk to his knees in front of me. “Tell me what you want from me. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
Despite the contrite posture, his expression was defiant. I buried my hands in his curls.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I told him.
