Page 104 of Your Play to Call
“It’s okay to feel weird,” she says, putting her hand gently on my chest. I think she’s feeling for a heartbeat.
“This is the first time I’ve ever really been hurt. In the NFL at least.”
“Yeah?”
“Would not recommend.”
That gets her to laugh, for a short second, before her face gets all serious.
“You know you can be real with me. It’s me and you. I’m going to ask again. How do you feel?”
How does she know what I need before I ask for it? She wants me to go past the surface. I’m afraid to say what’s hiding there. I take a deep breath, exhaling all the way out, before I try to put it into words.
“I… I feel like… everything is different. This is a turning point.” And when my voice cracks, I know there’s no use trying to hide. “Today wasthe scariest day of my life.” She takes her fingertips and lightly wipes the tears from my eyes. “I woke up and kept thinking, ‘can I move my toes. Do I feel them? What about my fingers?’ I fucking hate that I had to do that.” I stop to catch my breath.
“I can’t imagine. Even though I saw it, I couldn’t imagine being you.”
“I’ve always been ridiculously terrified of who I am without football. What do I do when it’s over? And this is the first thing that has scared me more than that.” Saying the words is hard but eye opening.
“You’re still going to be Tripp Owens.” Her hand taps my chest.
“Will you love me even if I’m just a normal Tripp Owens?” Her lips are pressed together like she’s trying to put two and two together. “If I’m not the Tripp Owens in the NFL?”
“Of course. You don’t even need to ask that.”
“I do need to ask it. Because I’m thinking about it.”
Her eyes go wide, matching my typical reaction whenever I think about my time being up in the NFL.
“I’m thinking about doing the scariest thing I’ve ever wondered about… because I think today was worse. Seeing my mom. Seeing you. Seeing the clip.”
“I didn’t mean to come in here like that. I tried to get myself together but—”
“Don’t you apologize for caring about me. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing you did. I don’t know what I would’ve done.” My thoughts drift to the equivalent of seeing Willow getting hurt at a concert. Very unlikely but my stomach flips at the hypothetical thought. “You asked me how I felt… and I feel like, I’m not sure I can play football anymore. Who knows, this shoulder might be trashed, anyway.”
She gives me the space to keep going.
“I need you to keep this secret. This is the first time I’ve ever said the words out loud. They scare me. Hearing them out loud? Brutal.”
“You don’t even need to ask. I’m a vault.” She puts her hand on her heart. “You are stuck with me. I don’t want to go anywhere unless it’s with you. I will support you, no matter what you decide. Whether that’s today, tomorrow, next season, or years down the road.”
“Years?”
“Years.” She kisses my cheek. “I love you, Tripp Owens. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter 56
Tripp
Fucking finally.
Back in my own bed. I fall on top of the comforter and even though it’s the middle of the day, I’m a different type of exhausted.
The worst part about staying two nights in the hospital is the bed situation. I don’t know if I actually feel better or if it’s the fact I’m back in my apartment, with my sheets.
Seems like I’m out of the woods with the concussion. I’ll have a follow up appointment next week. But if everything goes as it has, there shouldn’t be any long-term impacts. Unless I get another one, but that’s another thought for another day.
Didn’t get so lucky with the shoulder. Based on the tests, doctors are estimating a grade 2 tear. It could need surgery but no one has a strong opinion at this time. I’m on the injury report for this week and will not be doing any sort of physical activity. It’s been a decade since I’ve not been allowed to do anything. It’s weird.
