Page 39 of Careless Hope
She laughed then, a genuine, hearty sound that filled the space between us. And for a moment, just a small one, I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d already found what I was looking for.
I watched as she tapped her phone screen with a furrowed brow. “You know,” she started, hesitating for just a heartbeat, “hearing you talk about confidence and all that stuff, it stirs up some . . . weird feelings.”
“Like what?” I asked, tipping my hat back to get a better look at her.
She sighed, setting the phone down. “Jealousy, maybe? And confusion. It’s silly, but I feel this . . . this strong reaction when I hear you talk about what attracts you to women. Like I’m competing or something. I don’t even know who I’m competing with and I’m certainly not trying to compete for your affections. I guess it’s just, confidence doesn’t come naturally to me. Oh sure, when it comes to work. But socially? Ugh. You remember me in high school. Not much has changed.”
“Caroline,” I said, my voice softening. The vulnerability in her eyes was something fierce, made me want to protect her somehow. “That ain’t silly at all. Everyone’s got their own path to tread when it comes to relationships. Yours just might have a few more books along the way is all. And you have changed. Your confidence with work shines through. You’re beautiful. Poised and graceful. Believe me, if people who saw you knew how much you were overthinking, they’d be surprised.”
Her smile was small, grateful, and I felt a tug somewhere deep inside. “It’s like I’ve been reading about life instead of living it. And now, here I am, trying to learn how to please a man from . . . well, from a man who seems to have no trouble pleasing women.”
“Hey now,” I chided gently, my boots shifting on her carpet as I leaned forward, elbows on knees. “We’ve all got our doubts, even if we don’t show ‘em. But I’ll tell you this: confidence isn’t about knowing you’re the best; it’s about knowing you’re enough, just the way you are.”
“Enough,” she whispered, as if tasting the word on her tongue.
“Yep. And believe me, Caroline, you’re more than enough.” I reached out, nudging her knee with my hand, an attempt to bridge the gap between her uncertainty and my reassurance. “I’m not just here to help you learn some tricks of the trade. I want to help you see the amazing woman everyone else already sees.”
“Even if that woman takes notes on how to be spontaneous?” Her green eyes glinted with humor, but there was a new light there too—like hope mingling with the doubt.
“Especially then,” I grinned. “Means when you do let loose, it’s gonna be somethin’ special.”
“Thank you, Walker,” she said, her voice stronger now. “For understanding.”
“Anytime, darlin’. We’re all just figuring it out as we go.” And as I spoke those words, I realized they were as much for me as they were for her. Maybe this thing I was doing here, helping Caroline, was a necessary part of my journey too. A step toward the responsibility I craved, the legacy I wanted to leave behind. Maybe teaching Caroline about confidence would remind me of my own.
I leaned back again, my boots thudding softly against the floorboards as I watched Caroline’s shoulders relax. She tucked a stray auburn lock behind her ear, and her green eyes met mine with a spark of mischief.
“Alright, cowboy,” she said, that doctor’s determinationlacing her tone like steel in velvet. “If we’re doing this, let’s get started.”
“Where’d you want to begin?” I drawled, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow, intrigued by this new, bolder Caroline emerging before me.
“I think we should start with the basics. Touching. I should give you a hand job, and you can guide me.”
Jesus Christ.
“You’re really ready to jump right in here, aren’t you?”
She shrugged. “No sense in putting it off.”
I laughed. Louder than I meant to. Before now, it was easy to think about this arrangement in theory. But here she was, asking to jerk me off so she could make notes about it and the absurdity of it all was hitting me hard.
Almost as much as my growing attraction to her.
I was going to help her. But she needed to learn more about herself first as part of the process.
“I’m not gonna let you touch me till you know what you like. UntilIknow what you like.”
“What? This isn’t about me, this is about teaching me how to please others.”
A stab of jealousy hit my chest. I got up and approached her, leaning down and boxing her in against the back of the couch.
“That might be what you think, but there’s no way in hell I’m just gonna teach you how to get a man off without any consideration for you. Your pleasure matters. Your pleasure should come first. If any man doesn’t think so, he’s not the man for you. Got it?”
She looked up at me through her eyelashes, her mouth open and her breath causing her chest to rise and fall like waves.
“Got it?” I repeated.
She nodded. “Got it.”
