Page 45 of Thanks for Coming Along
"You can tell me anything. I mean anything,” Eden said gently and squeezed his hand. He summoned up all his courage, then let an intake of breath fill his lungs. His eyes fluttered closed for a second, time to take the plunge.Here goes nothing.
"My last job, I was placed in Yemen to cover the insurgency that was raging there," he began, his eyes momentarily distant, reliving the memories. "I had spent five grueling months there, making some real progress. I managed to secure an interview with a whistleblower within the Yemen military, The fact that I even got that interview was nothing short of a miracle. It was unprecedented." He paused, his gaze fixated on a point in the distance as if he were transported back to that very moment.
"I was traveling back to our base with my cameraman after we recorded that incredible interview. We were ecstatic, just casually walking through the desert. I remember Bobby, my usually serious cameraman, was actually smiling for once."
Ronan felt his pulse accelerating. He could feel the invisible hands of panic tightening their grip on his chest. He fought against the suffocating feeling by taking a deep, measured breath through his nose, feeling the cool air enter his lungs, and then exhaling slowly through his lips. Eden's gentle thumb tenderly traced the contours of his fingers. He focused intently on the sensation, letting it divert his attention from the rising tide of anxiety.
"I don't remember how it exactly happened. I just remember the sheer force of the explosion and how the sound jolted through my chest. It felt like a huge fist slammed into my chest and stomach.” His free hand instinctively rested over his chest as if he could still feel the reverberations of the bomb detonating deep within him. Its echoes still shook his entire being, his very soul.
"The blast sent me backward. Sand flew into my eyes and mouth. I was so disoriented. My ears were ringing so loud that it drowned out everything else. I can't say for sure how long I laid there. It might have been just 30 seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. I remember hearing a scream ringing out. I didn't even realize that it was coming from me." His hands were slick with sweat, and he resisted the urge to wipe them off. Eden was still holding his left hand. Her eyes welled with tears but stayed steady on him.
As he continued, his voice trembled with the intensity of the memories. "I came to after that. I forced myself to sit up," he recounted, his eyes tearing up at the memory. "And there, about 30 feet away from me, was Bobby. His leg... It was gone, just torn away, and the sand around him was covered red with his blood. There was so much blood." A shudder coursed through Ronan as he revisited the sheer panic. He thought Bobby was dead.
"A thousand thoughts were running through my mind. I had to do something. Anything. So I grabbed the belt from my pants and used it as a makeshift tourniquet, wrapping it just above his injury. We were close to camp, so I ran and got help." He paused, nausea churned in the pit of his stomach, a nervous sweat still covering his body. Ronan blinked away the tears that threatened to escape and used his free hand to wipe the clammy sweat from his hairline.
"Bobby survived, but... he lost his leg. He had a beautiful baby girl waiting for him back home." Eden released his hand, and panic flew through his chest. He knew this would change everything between them. He feared deep down that Eden may not want to deal with the emotional trauma he carried. She had been through enough already. She deserved to be surrounded by people who were carefree and happy. Not someone whose recklessness had caused another person irreparable damage.
The weight of responsibility bore down on him. It was his fault that Bobby had lost his leg. He should have been more vigilant when traveling in a desert that he knew had the risk of landmines. The danger had been drilled into his head before he was stationed in any new territory. Yet, he had let his guard down, making the call to travel in a known landmine-laden area without an escort, and the consequences were devastating. As the seconds ticked by in silence, Ronan couldn't help but wonder if Eden saw his recklessness, if she recognized that he was to blame for Bobby's suffering.
He had anticipated this moment, expecting her to walk to the diner's front door and call a car to pick her up. But to his surprise, Eden made her way to his side of the booth instead. She slid in next to him and wrapped him in a hug.
"I'm so relieved that you and Bobby are okay,” she whispered as her hands moved soothingly across his back. Ronan could feel the tension in his muscles slowly beginning to ease under her gentle touch, and he released a breath.
Eden hadn't left. She wascomfortinghim. Again. Part of him was relieved that she was comforting him. If someone as beautiful and amazing as Eden could see something worth comforting in him, he wasn't entirely worthless. Yet, another part of him couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt gnawing at his conscience. He didn't deserve her reassurance. He was responsible for the accident and Bobby's injuries. He should have been more cautious.
"It's been more than eight months since the accident, and I'm still dealing with the aftermath," Ronan confessed, his voice filled with the weight of those long months of struggle.
He continued, "I've been diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder, and I see a therapist every week. The panic attacks and night terrors are still a part of my life." Lately, the panic attacks had started to ebb, and Ronan didn't want to overanalyze why. Yet, deep down, he had a strong inkling that the woman sitting in front of him played a significant role. Her brightness filled his mind like a beacon of light in the darkness that had shrouded him for so long.
"The sour candy helps. It grounds me when I am having a panic attack. Breathing exercises, too." Ronan continued. Eden gently pulled back from their hug, her eyes intently scanning his face, her hands resting on his forearms.
"You are incredible, Ronan. I cannot even imagine what it was like to go through that. You saved Bobby's life,” Eden's eyes still shimmered with unshed tears as she hugged him again as if she couldn't quite believe he was sitting before her. Her arms encircled his chest in a tight embrace, and her body seemed to mold perfectly against his, fitting like a glove. Ronan leaned back slightly from her grip, gently placing his hands on her arms and pulling her away from him. He needed to tell her the truth, no matter how badly it hurt.
Ronan's voice trembled as he admitted, "No, it was my fault we were walking through that desert. We should have waited for an escort, but I was the one who pushed Bobby to go on this interview without one. I didn't want to scare the informant." His fingers ran anxiously through his hair. "How is it fair that Bobby lost a leg, and I walked off without a scratch?" The weight of guilt pressed heavily on him, making his chest feel heavy.
"Escort or not, it was not your fault. You didn't plant that bomb." Ronan wasn't convinced; he was responsible for keeping his staff safe. He had been sloppy, the excitement of the interview had clouded his head.
"I put the story over safety," Ronan said with conviction, his arms crossed over his chest.
"I don't agree," Eden responded with an equal sense of conviction, her arms mirroring Ronan's. "There was no way to predict danger like that. Navigating and knowing where the landmines are would be almost impossible. Your job is dangerous, and I think everyone in your field knows there's a risk of life-threatening things happening. It's devastating, but it's not your fault," she declared firmly, the unwavering resolve evident in her voice. Ronan felt a jolt deep in the pit of his stomach, realizing she cared enough to assure him.
Somehow and somewhere over these past few weeks, the documentary had taken a back seat to their relationship. He realized that he hadn't thought about filming for the documentary. Instead, he had been recording moments of their time together because he wanted to remember every single moment with her.
"Do you keep in touch with Bobby?"
"No, I'm still working through everything on my end. There's a lot of guilt I'm trying to process." Ronan said weakly, his hand rubbed across the back of his head. Bobby had tried to call him multiple times in the last few months, but when he saw Bobby's name flash on the screen, a wild sense of panic hit Ronan's heart. His body would freeze, and his heart would race like a hammer pounding against his chest. Bobby had left voicemails, but Ronan couldn't bring himself to listen to them. Guilt gnawed at him, and he felt awful that he hadn't spoken to Bobby since returning home. He still needed time to process everything fully and forgive himself before speaking to Bobby.
Pancakes were suddenly placed on the table. Ronan looked down at the stack, momentarily lost in thought.
"I think you are the bravest person I have ever met," Eden said in a low voice as she put her head on his shoulder. That vice around his heart loosened slightly, his breaths coming out a little easier.
How is it possible that even after he told her his deepest secret and bared his soul, she was still sitting here with him? It was hard for him to believe someone like Eden, who radiated confidence and resilience, could see bravery in him. It felt like the furthest thing from the truth. He turned his head slightly to look at her, his eyes meeting her sapphire blue ones. There was something in her gaze that made him feel understood.
The more time he spent with Eden, the more it hit him—he’d been coasting through life, always hovering over the brake. He’d lived cautiously and held back, even before the accident in Yemen. His whole life had been shaped by wariness, avoiding risks unless they were tied to his job.
Ronan had used his work as a cover, convincing himself that any daring move was just part of the job. It let him feel a rush without having to truly own the choices that came with it. It was his way of chasing adventure while keeping the rest of his life in a comfortable, controlled box.
Eden lived life with this fearless energy that made Ronan see things differently. She’d sparked something in him, something that made him question the walls he’d built around himself for so long.
