As we walk back to my chambers though, the castle feels oppressive again, the weight of sorrow pressing down on me from all sides. My thoughts are tangled up with worry for Rylan, for the kingdom, for everything that’s been lost.
When I round the corner to my room, I stop short. Rylan is sitting on the floor outside my door, arms resting on his bent knees, his head slumped forward between his legs. He looks utterly devastated, a completely hollowed out wreck of a shell of the man I’ve come to know. It shatters my heart to see him this way.
“Oh, Rylan,” I whisper, stepping closer.
He lifts his head slowly, his red-rimmed, haunted eyes meeting mine. They’re filled with a grief so deep it takes my breath away. And in that moment I would sell my soul to ease his pain for just a moment.
Before I can say anything more, Caelum steps around the corner, almost banging into me. “Oh, Eira, I forgot to tell yo—” He stops short when he sees who’s waiting for me, tucking something back into his pocket.
Rylan’s eyes flick over to Caelum’s jacket draped over my shoulders, and pain, jealousy... and hurt floods his eyes.
“Oh, hello Cousin,” Caelum says, his voicecarefully neutral. “It’s good to see you. Eirabella and I were just coming back from a walk.”
Rylan stands slowly, his movements slow and limp. His gaze flickers between Caelum and me, lingering on the jacket on my shoulder, any emotion now closed up tight behind his irises. “I see that,” he replies, his voice tight.
Caelum’s jaw tightens and he gives me a look. “I guess I’ll leave you two to talk,” he says, though his tone suggests he’s reluctant to do so.
“No. Stay. Keep her company. Don’t… leave her alone,” Rylan says, his eyes on mine. “I’ll go.”
Before I can respond, he stands and walks away, leaving me standing there, the weight of his grief, and my missing him, hanging in the air.
THIRTY-TWO
Rylan
“Well,I guess this is better than rotting in your chambers.”
I don’t have to lift my head from the table in the corner of the tavern to know it’s Astoris. I just try to tip the ale in half-empty tankard into my mouth, spilling most of it onto the wooden surface already sticky from my earlier attempts. “Leavemethefuckalone,” I slur.
“I’ve heard the castle staff are wondering if you’ve actually died in there, considering the smells emanating from your quarters.”
“How did you hear that? It’s been years since you’ve stepped foot on the castle grounds.”
Astoris smirks, sinking into the booth next to me so he’s in my eyeline. “Please. I hear everything. I know everything.”
The truth is, I’d needed an escape, a way to drown out the thoughts that had been eating away at me from the moment I saw Eirabella with Caelum. The way she’s always been withhim, the easy relationship between them, it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. If I can’t have her, I shouldn’t stop her from being with someone else. Just… not him.
“You’re deep in brooding mode,” Astoris points out, leaning back in his chair. “Care to share what’s got you drinking yourself into a stupor?”
I take another swig of ale, the bitter liquid cools as it slides down my throat. “Not even a little bit.”
“You’re upset about something. Or someone,” Astoris presses, his tone insistent.
I close my eyes, the memory of the kiss in the woods replaying in my mind. The way Eira had felt in my arms, soft and warm, her breath hitching as our lips met. The desire that had surged through me, overwhelming in its intensity. I can still feel the way her fingers had tangled in my hair, the way she’d pressed herself against me, as if she couldn’t get close enough. Her taste is like the sweetest wine the gods have ever created.
And now she’s probably still with Caelum. Always so damn charming, always sharing a joke with her, offering his fucking jacket, his comfort. The thought of her with him makes my stomach churn, but I know I have no right to feel this way. I’ve given her nothing.
“Well, well, well. Looks like you’ve damn near lost your mind over a woman,” Astoris taunts, cutting through my thoughts.
“Who?” I pretend.
He snorts so loud he chokes on his ale. “You knowexactlywho. Yournothing more. Your disciple.”
I jerk my head up to glare at him. “I have not.”
“You have,” he insists, leaning forward. “You can lie to yourself all you want, Rylan, but I’ve known you long enough to see the truth.”
I slam the tankard down on the table, the liquid sloshingover the sides. “She’s a distraction,” I mutter, though the words taste like a lie even as they leave my mouth. “I can’t afford distractions.”
