I can barely manage to get through the rest of the dinner, my mind consumed with seething thoughts of Eirabella and this inexplicable distance she’s put between us. Nothing else matters, no one else in this room matters.
As soon as the king and queen rise to leave, signalling the end of dinner, I throw my napkin down and storm over to Eirabella, ignoring Julietta’s invitation to share a nightcap. From his seat next to her, Lord Barrow stops mid-sentence and looks up at me, startled, but I don’t care. I fix him with a withering glare that has him scrambling out of his seat, and I take it without hesitation.
“That was incredibly rude,” she hisses, the longest sentence she’s said to me all night.
“Do I look like I give a fuck what Lord Barrow thinks of me?”
She narrows her eyes at me and then starts to pivot in her chair to face Caelum.
Pulling on her chair, I yank her hard toward me. Her body slams against mine, but she quickly shuffles away from me.
My hand reaches out, grabbing her wrist, holding her in place. “We need to talk,” I say, my voice edged with the desperation I can’t fully contain.
Eira stares straight ahead, her expression unreadable. “No, thank you.”
The tight thread holding what’s left of my civility together snaps. “I wasn’t asking. We’re talking. Now.” I fix a stare that I’m sure confesses everything inside me. But she keeps looking away like she hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. I squeeze my eyes shut once before adding, “Please, Eirabella. Talk to me.” If I sound like I’m begging, it’s because I am.
She must hear it in my voice, because she glances at me, eyes as cold as the ice shields she’s learned to conjure. “What about?”
“This!” I gesture between us, frustrated by the distance she’s put there. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?”
An eyebrow raises, her cool demeanour only fueling my desperation. “Like what?”
“Like you’re avoiding me,” I say, the words coming out sharper than I intended. “You’ve been cold all evening. You barely said a fucking word all dinner.”
She shrugs, the movement infuriatingly nonchalant. “I’ve been talking to people.”
“Talking to everyone except me,” I snap, unable to hold back the bitterness. “And you swapped seats with Julietta. Why? For gods’ sake, why did you do that?”
Her gaze hardens, but not before I see the flicker of hurt dance across her irises. “I honestly didn’t think you’d mind,” she replies, revealing nothing of that hurt in her voice. “I just thought I’d move so you could be with someone you’d prefer. It’s not like I was the dinner companion you wanted.”
I flinch, the words like a spear to my heart. Can she really be that blind? “That’s not true, Eirabella,” I insist, leaning in, her scent engulfing me. “You know that’s not true.”
She spins in her seat to meet my eyes front on, challenging me. “Do I? Because you’ve been sending nothing but mixed signals ever since I met you, Rylan. What am I supposed tothink? One minute you kidnap me from my home and won’t give me anything but one-word answers. Then you hold me in my sleep, supposedly to save me from a nightmare, and then yell at me when we wake up like it’s my fault. Then you bring me here and insist that I’m supposed to be the new Aquilith, then you leave me here for a week on my own without the magic I need to succeed. Then you invite me on a walk and it feels like we’re finally friends, that you’re starting to trust me; the next you’re brooding and ignoring me again. Then you’re organising a picnic for me. Then you won’t train with me for two days, not even bothering to tell me yourself this morning. What do you want from me? You can understand why I’m confused. Do you even know?”
The question catches me off guard, and for a moment, I’m at a loss for words. What do I want from her? The truth is, I don’t even know. I just know that I can’t stand the distance she’s put between us. I’ve missed her. In just the last hour, without her pretty smile, her warm laugh, her witty comments, and even though she’s been sitting right next to me, I’vemissedher. How fucking ridiculous is that? But it’s tearing me apart from the inside out, this gnawing, clawing need to be close to her, only to be rebuked at every turn.
“I just want you to talk to me,” I say finally, the words more vulnerable than I intended. “I want to know why you’re acting like this. Why you’re pushing me away.”
Her expression softens for a moment, and I think I see a glimpse of the warmth I’m used to. But then it’s gone, replaced by the same cold mask that could give mine a run for its money. “Why do you care?” she asks quietly, her voice cutting through me. “It’s not like I’m someone you’d ever choose, am I,Your Highness?”
The words hit me like I’ve been rammed by a horse and carriage, and I’m winded.
She heard. Of course she heard. Because the gods fucking hate me. The realisation makes my desperation grow, a hollow ache spreading through my chest as I grapple with the words to explain. I open my mouth to respond, but she’s already standing, pushing to her feet.
I follow, grabbing her wrist again and dragging her to a quiet side of the dining room.
“Let go of me,” she hisses, but it just makes my hand tighten around her wrist.
“Eirabella,” I say, desperate for her to listen. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that. Please, believe me.” I say the words, knowing it doesn’t matter.
“But it is what you said though, isn’t it?” she asks plainly. “That you could never choose to be with me? Those were your exact words, or did I hear you wrong?”
I falter, the weight of my own words crashing down on me. I hurt her. I did the one thing I promised her I wouldn’t. “Yes. Yes, I said that. But… Fuck!” I run a hand through my hair. “But it’s not what you think. It’s not because of you. It’s not you. It’s... it’s everything else. The expectations, the rules, the fact that you deserve someone who can be with you fully, without all of this—”
She cuts me off, yanking her hand out of my hold, her voice so cold it chills the blood in my veins. “Just stop. Stop. You don’t have to explain anything, and you don’t owe me anything. I understand completely. That I’m reckless and impulsive and you wouldn’t want to risk your kingdom over being with me.” She rubs the red marks I’ve left on her skin, and it tears at me that I might’ve hurt her physically as well as emotionally. “And whether you meant for me to hear or not, Idid. I saved you having to say it to my face. And, you know what? It actually all works out for the best, to be honest.” I hold my breath as she lifts her chin, eyes hard, focused onmine, unflinching. “Because I would never,everchoose you either.”
I reel back, stunned; the words hang in the air between us, sharp and final. Neither of us can take them back now.
