“My father and the council have decided to send me to Larethia,” I bite out, bringing my sword down hard. “To renegotiate our trade alliance with Duke Newbury.”
Mathis dodges, his movements smooth. “Now? With everything going on?”
“Exactly!” I snap, thrusting forward. “Now is the worst possible time. Not just that the Keeper trials are weeks away from happening, the rebellion’s movements and”—I swallow—“my mother’s health is declining.”
Mathis parries my strike, his expression thoughtful. “That’s tough, man. But you know how your father is.”
“I do. He doesn’t care about what matters to me,” I spit, swinging harder.
Mathis steps back, giving me a moment to breathe. “And Eirabella? How does she fit into this?”
My sword falters slightly, the mention of her name throwing me off balance. “She... she needs more training,” I say, trying to focus. “Every day counts. We can’t afford for me toleave now.”
Mathis lowers his sword slightly, watching me closely. “But it’s more than just the trials, isn’t it?”
I narrow my eyes, defensive. “What are you getting at?”
“You don’t want to leave her,” Mathis says, his tone probing.
I feel the anger rising again, but this time it’s mixed with guilt, maybe, or fear. I try to shake it off. “I’m just worried about leaving her here alone. It’s nothing more than that.”
“Isn’t it?” Mathis presses, sidestepping another swing and countering with a quick jab. “Rylan, it’s obvious. You care about her.”
I stop mid-swing, glaring at him. “She’s my disciple. I didn’t bring her here to fail.”
Mathis doesn’t back down. “It’s more than that. You care more than just as her mentor.” I open my mouth to argue, but Mathis keeps going, his voice firm. “Come on, it’s me. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you acted when she got hurt during that session with Selene. You wouldn’t let anyone else near her until you were sure she was okay. And everyone is talking about what you did to Kaelen for his part in it.”
I swallow hard, my grip on the sword tightening as I struggle to find something to say, something to counter his words.
“I’d act that way about anyone who was under my charge,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “But that doesn’t mean—”
“Don’t insult me, man,” Mathis cuts in, his eyes locking onto mine. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but youcareabout her. Going on all those walks with her? Taking her on picnics? Moving her to your quarters? Pretty much biting off every man’s head who even goes near her? You care more than just as a mentor, more than your future Aquilith. You’re scared to admit it, but it’s the truth. Just admit she’s special to you.”
I want to deny it, to push back, but he knows me too well for that. Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve felt—it’s all been because of her. But caring about her means admitting a whole world of complications that I’m not ready to face.
“There’s no point in admitting to it. Because I could never choose to be with her,” I say, the words cutting through me even as I speak them.
“Why?”
I huff. “Youknowwhy. Her status, for one. She’s not from nobility, and you know how much that matters here. I’m the heir to the fucking throne, Rylan, That comes with…expectations. And then there’s the fact that... she’s reckless, too impulsive. She doesn’t think things through. And I’m bound by duty—my father, the kingdom—I can’t afford to have feelings for someone who might endanger everything.”
Mathis looks at me, pity in his eyes. “Rylan…” he starts, but there’s the sound of a door opening and closing, and he leans in, lowering his voice. “Sometimes you have to think about what matters to you too. She is special.”
I lower my sword, the anger slowly ebbing away, leaving only the truth I’ve been trying to avoid. “Fine! Yes. She’s special. Fuck that. She’s more than that... she’s godsdamned incredible, Mathis,” I admit quietly, the words feeling both like a relief and a burden. “She’s strong, intelligent, kind, determined, and... she makes me feel things I haven’t felt… fuck, I’ve never felt these things. Not even… just, not ever. Things I shouldn’t feel. And that’s why it can’t happen.”
I pause, taking a shaky breath as the weight of it all settles over me. “And then there’s the rebellion, Mathis. It’s gaining momentum. You saw what it was like the other day in the town square. Tensions are rising and it feels like we’re days away from an all-out war. If I… if I get too close to her, I’ll drag her into this mess. I can’t put her in that kind of danger.”
Mathis’s eyes narrow, his voice sharp and unyielding. “You involved her when you brought her here.”
My jaw clenches, the guilt hitting me square in the chest. “Maybe I shouldn’t have,” I mutter, the words barely audible but heavy with regret.
Mathis studies me, his expression softening as he sees the turmoil in my eyes. The silence stretches between us, filled with the things neither of us can change. I glance away, staring at the floor. “She deserves someone who can give her everything. Not someone who’s bound by all these trappings, who can never truly be with her, make her their priority.” The words are bitter on my tongue, but they’re the truth. And they hurt more than any strike from Mathis’s sword ever could. “So, why start something I can’t finish?”
He doesn’t have an answer for that.
Despite my conversation with Mathis,I find myself standing outside Eirabella’s room before dinner. After two days of not spending our usual morning training together, I already feel like there’s something missing from my very being. I know I shouldn’t be here—I shouldn’t be doing this—but I can’t seem to stop myself. Before I can second-guess myself, I knock.
She opens the door almost immediately, dressed for dinner, her usual wide, warm smile on her face. “Hello! I wasn’t expecting yo—oh, it’syou.” She stops, her expression immediately changing, now guarded, distant. It’s not what I’m used to seeing from her, and it throws me off balance. Who the fuck did she think she was going to open the door to, and how come that person deserved a smile but not me?
