The brusqueness of his tone strikes me like a stinging blow, and I realise with a sinking feeling that the moment of closeness I thought we’d shared really hadn’t meant anything to him. He’d just been asleep, and I’d just been a fucking fool. My heart instantly hardens, a wall of impenetrable ice protecting me from him.
Lifting my chin, I return the cold in his eyes and inject it into my voice. “I just wanted to say, I don’t know what you were doing in here after I specifically asked you not to be,” I say, my voice firm, steady. “But I do not feel safe with you. So, I’m riding with Mathis today. And you can say no, but then you’re going to have to drag my cold, dead body wherever it is you’re taking me.”
Something flickers in his eyes—anger, hurt, maybe both—but he doesn’t respond with words, just stands there, his jaw tight. For a moment, I think he might say something, insist on his own way, but instead, he turns to leave. His hand is on the door handle when he stops, his back to me. “Let Mathis know ifyou need any more clothes before we go,” he says, his voice flat, devoid of emotion.
And with that, he storms out, the door slamming shut behind him. The abruptness of his departure leaves me standing there, my heart and head a confusing mess of emotions with nothing but the fading memories of the peaceful morning in his arms shattered at my feet.
As ordered,half an hour later, I’m sitting on Mathis’s horse, dressed in my new clothes, with a scowl on my face even Lord Grumpypants would be proud of. The saddle is unfamiliar beneath me, but it’s a welcome change. Rylan is the last to emerge from the inn, his face set in a grim mask. He doesn’t look at me, not even a glance. I haven’t seen him since he stormed out of the room; he hadn’t joined us for breakfast either, and for a split second, I worry about him being hungry. Then I remember the way he’d shouted at me for no reason, and the concern turns to loathing again. He mounts his horse and gives the others a serious nod. The camaraderie from the night before, the easy banter with the guards, is gone, replaced by a thick silence that none of us seem willing to break.
We ride out, the sound of the horses’ hooves on the dirt road the only noise between us. Grellor takes the lead up front, his eyes scanning the horizon, followed by Yosef, then Mathis and me, their usual joviality replaced by a wary vigilance. Whatever message Grellor had given Rylan has everyone on edge. Rylan brings up the rear, his presence looming like a dark shadow behind us. Every mile bears down on my shoulders, and worse, at my thoughts, dragging them back to Rylan no matter how hard I try to focus on anything else.
Sometime around mid-morning, I turn to Mathis, needing something to distract me from the knot in my chest. “How long have you known Rylan?” I ask before I can stop myself, my voice low, not needing the man in question to hear me ask about him.
Mathis glances at me, surprised by the question, but he answers without hesitation. “Pretty much since we were born,” he says. “We grew up together. I’m a year older than him. Grellor and Yosef are newer to the guard—they’ve only been around for about five years. But Rylan and I? We’ve been through a lot together.”
His words hang in the air, and I find myself more aware of Rylan than ever. Even though he’s riding at the back, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s always watching me. But every time I turn to look back at him, his gaze is fixed elsewhere, cold and distant, as though the morning’s events didn’t affect him at all. But something must be on his mind. I can feel the tension radiating from him, the way his shoulders are set just a little too tight, the way he grips the reins like they might slip away from him at any moment. I try to remember when, and if, I’ve ever seen him actually smile. And I realise that I haven’t.
“If you’re asking if he has always been this way, then yes… and no,” Mathis adds, as if he can hear my thoughts. “He was more… open, I guess, when he was younger. But still some version of the strong, silent type. He keeps most decisions he makes close to his chest. But you won’t ever find a better man. Or friend.”
I nod, as if understanding, but in many ways, Mathis’s words have only raised more questions. Why is Rylan the way he is? What made him so guarded, so determined to keep everyone at arm’s length? The glimpses I’ve seen of something softer, something almost tender beneath that hard exterior, only confuse me more. I wonder what he’s hiding behind that cold,impenetrable mask—what fears, what pain, has shaped him into the man he is now. The memory of the scar tells me, whatever he’s gone through, it hasn’t been easy.
I take advantage of Mathis’s willingness to answer questions and ask him something else that’s been on my mind. “Mathis,” I begin, trying to choose the right words, “back in the village… did you see what happened? What I did?”
He nods slowly, his expression thoughtful. “Yes, I saw,” he replies, keeping his voice low. There’s no judgement in his tone, just a simple acknowledgment.
I hesitate, unsure of how to phrase my next question. “I didn’t have magic before. At least, not since I was ten seasons old. And then…thathappened. What do you think about my powers, why are they back?”
Mathis looks at me, his brow furrowed as if considering his words carefully. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not especially well-versed in Strengths like…” his voice trails off as he glances at the figure behind us. “Magic like yours… it’s far beyond my understanding.”
I sigh, feeling the weight of his honesty, but it’s not the answer I was hoping for.Magic like mine.Until a few days ago, I was unsure that I would ever hear that phrase again. In fact, I was sure of it. Flashbacks of Samfer nibble at the edges of my mind and I shake my head to be rid of them.
Mathis, oblivious to my thoughts, continues speaking. “Your magic... it’s truly something special. I’ve never seen anything like it, even in just those few moments. And I personally know people with the most powerful Strengths in the realm. Yours is comparable to theirs, Eira. Even more so now that I know you haven’t been training it all these years, that it had all been just instinct. That kind of power is truly impressive. And coveted, too. That’s why—” He abruptly stops, as if catching himself before saying too much.
I straighten, raising an eyebrow at him, curiosity piqued. “That’s why what?”
Mathis shifts in his saddle, clearly uncomfortable. “Just... that’s why you need to be careful,” he says, the lightness in his tone replaced by something more serious.
The seriousness of his words hangs between us for a moment, but then I decide to steer the conversation in a lighter direction before he shuts down completely. “What about you?” I ask, shifting the focus. “What’s your Strength? Is it water?”
“Yes, but it’s nothing as fancy as yours,” he says lightly, as if trying to deflect. But I’m not so easily swayed.
“I saw what you did during the attack,” I press, keeping my voice gentle but insistent. “The way you wielded that water… I wish I could learn how to do that.”
Mathis chuckles with a modest shrug. “It’s nothing special; most with Water Strength can do it with some training,” he admits. “But it’s useful. I’ve found it does come in handy.”
I grin, leaning a little closer. “Useful, huh? For something other than taking down a band of bandits?”
Mathis laughs, shaking his head. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “It’s mostly for impressing unsuspecting women. But don’t tell anyone. People might think I’m a charming rogue.”
I can’t help but giggle at that, easing the tension that’s been pulling my shoulders taut all morning. “Your secret’s safe with me. Though, I might have to see you in action again before I’m convinced.”
“Anytime, darlin’. But I’m not sure my ego could take the beatings you like to dole out,” Mathis teases, winking at me.
I throw my head back and laugh. It feels good to shake off some of the heaviness in my chest since Rylan stormed out of the room. But before I can respond, Rylan rides up next to us,his presence immediately casting a shadow over the moment of levity. His eyes are hard as he looks between Mathis and me.
“Quiet, you two,” Rylan says, his tone bordering on admonishment. “There might be more bandits around, and we shouldn’t be drawing more attention than necessary.”
Mathis doesn’t seem the least bit ashamed. Instead, he just winks at me and leans in, mouth close to my ear. “Well, I guess I’ll have to save the demonstration of my powers for later,” he quietly jokes, unfazed by Rylan’s scolding. They really must be old friends.
