I cross my arms, trying to push back the surge of irritation that washes over me. “I didn’t run off anywhere. And not that I owe you an explanation, but Caelum wanted to show me something important so I joined him in the garden for some air. I didn’t think you seriously expected me to just wait around and watch while you flirted with half the kingdom.”
I take a step back from him, but he simply follows, his expression tightening, fury written all over his handsome face. “I wasn’t flirting, and you know it.”
“I know nothing of the sort,” I insist. “And it sure does seem like you expected me to stand around like a fool while you entertain every noblewoman in the ballroom.”
“Gods, you’renota fool, Eirabella!” he says, his voice tight with warning. “Don’t you dare ever say that to me again. Andit’s not like that,” he adds. “You just don’t understand how things work in the court.”
“Then explain it to me!” I snap, my emotions boiling over. “Explain how I’m just supposed to obediently stand by and watch your father present you with a parade of women who are better suited to be by your side!”
Rylan’s breath hitches, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “You act like I enjoy this. Like I don’t hate every second of it. But it’s my duty—”
I cut him off. “Good gods, Rylan.Enough!I’ve heard more than enough of your duty. For once, stop hiding behind that and just be honest about what you want!” I’ve never felt so out of control as when I’m trying to hold back my feelings for him.
For a moment, he just stares at me, his eyes dark and unreadable. Then, in one swift movement, he closes what distance there was left between us, his hands gripping my arms as he pulls me closer.
“Do you think this is easy for me?” he murmurs. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that roughness in his voice was from trying to control his own emotions. “Do you think I don’t hate that I had to leave you and pretend to smile and make conversation with women I couldn't care less about when I was dancing with you? Do you think I wanted to leave you when I finally had you in my fucking arms?”
He squeezes his hand around my arms to emphasise his point and continues, “You think that it didn’t kill me that I was holding you so close that I could feel your heart beating against mine, and I had to step away only to see my cousin had taken my place? You think I wouldn’t have given up everything to have walked you to the ball tonight, but instead I had to see you float in like a fucking angel on my best friend’s arm and know he had been with you when I couldn’t be?” He shakes his head and leans in, his lips brushing against my ear, speaking directlyinto my soul. “You think that I don’t want you right by my side every fucking second of every fucking day?” He pulls back, watching me catch my breath as each of his confessions steals more and more air from my lungs. For a moment, I feel like every princess in every fairy tale ever written. “I’m trying to protect you, Eira!”
And just like that, reality comes rushing back in again.
“There it is. Again!” I say, pulling myself out of his grip. “How can Rylan and Eira possibly ever have a conversation where Rylan doesn’t tell Eira about how he has to protect her?” I scoff, my heart pounding in my chest. “From what are you protecting me, exactly? From your own feelings?”
“From everything!” he shouts, his eyes blazing with a mixture of anger and desperation. “From my father, from the court, from dangers you don’t even know exist!”
“And what about whatIwant?” I shout, my voice cracking with emotion. “Have youeverasked yourself what I want? And what if I don’t care about the dangers? What if I want to be with you anyway?”
Rylan’s breath hitches, and for a moment, he looks like he’s about to say something, but the words seem to catch in his throat. Instead, he leans in, his crooked finger lifting my chin to lift my eyes to his. “If anything ever happened to you…” He shakes his head as if he can’t even imagine it. “It’s why I can’t give in to this.”
I shake my head, feeling the disappointment fill my irises. “Thros valinthar, valoris,” I echo his words. “Where is your courage?Yourheart? You can’t keep living in the past, Rylan. That’s not how life works.”
“You’ve always been braver than me. There’s no denying that.” He shakes his head. “Just another reason I’m not right for you.”
His words sink the very heart in my chest. “Why do youkeep pushing me away?” I whisper, the hurt in my words surprising even me.
“Because, Eirabella, if I let myself have you, just for one moment, I’ll never, ever be able to let you go,” he admits, his voice breaking on the last word.
The raw honesty in his words splits me open right down the middle, and I feel the very last of my defences crumbling. Any distance, any fabricated coldness, it all falls away, leaving only the overwhelming need I have for him.
Enough.
I’ve had enough of waiting, of wondering. It’s time to pull him to the cliff, and see if he jumps. I rise up on my tiptoes, running my fingers against the back of his neck, whispering into the side of his neck. “And what makes you think I’ll ever let you have me, Rylan? Even just for one moment.”
I rake my nails down the back of his neck, slowly, sensuous, and he stiffens under my touch, under the fluttering of my lips against the pulse thumping against his throat. And then I start to pull away from him. But he slides his arm around my waist and yanks me forcefully against his chest. The moment our bodies slam together, it’s like something cracks wide open inside both of us. His other hand tangles into my hair, pulling my head back as he growls against my throat. “Where thefuckdo you think you’re going?”
My eyes bore into his, challenging him. “To find someone who actually wants me.”
Jealousy flares alive in his eyes until there’s nothing left but pure heat and desire. All fight, all hesitancy, all reticenceburnsaway.
We both hold our breaths and then…
“Fuck it!” he hisses.
And before I can say anything, his lips crash down on mine.
The kiss shatters everything I’ve ever known.
It’s hot and urgent, and I lose myself completely in the intensity of it.
