“I, uh, have people who do that for me. That’s what the delivery is for…to bring me food.”
Gorg clapped his hands, and his tentacles shivered with glee. “How fascinating! What a fabulous idea…hiring people to hunt for you. Are you very rich? I would think it would take a great number of interstellar credits to hire someone.”
“No, I’m not rich. I mean, I’m really well off, thanks to all the movies I’ve made. That’s how I could afford to buy this house, and…well, never mind. Delivery doesn’t cost that much. I mean, sure, going to the store and buying the ingredients then making it yourself is cheaper, sometimes, but in this case,” he said, eyeing Gorg’s tentacles, “I think ordering in is called for.”
“Then I should like to try this pizzo of which you speak so highly. It sounds tasty.”
“Pizza, and it is. I’ll order some soda with it, too.”
“Hmm…” Gorg mused. “Pizza and soda. It sounds so exotic! I can’t wait to try it.”
Ebenezer returned his smile, then got out his phone and placed the order.
Chapter 5
“Pizza is now officially my favorite food,” Gorg said. He wiped his mouth with a small square of paper that Ebbie called anapkinand belched. “I do not know where your FU machine is, or I would have used it.”
“FU…? I beg your pardon? Do I want to know what that is?” Ebenezer said.
“Flatulence Unit, silly. What else do you use to collect gas?”
“We, um, don’t have those. We don’t collect flatulence here. Why the hell would you?”
“It’s a renewable source of energy! The flatulence units collect the gas, process it, and distribute it as clean energy. It’s what powers everything on Jizm — our lights, our vehicles…”
“You mean your ship out there runs on…farts and burps?” It was incredulous as far as Ebenezer was concerned. Like a bad joke. He had to be kidding. Some sort of interplanetary version of pull my finger.
“Gas is produced by the body. It’s not much different than fossil fuels except it’s free and renews itself.” Gorg sipped the last of his soda, then piled the discarded cup and paper plate together for disposal.
“Okay…that makes sense in a twisted, weird sort of way.” Ebenezer collected the trash and threw it away. He stopped and eyed Gorg, deciding to ask the question that had been bouncing around in his mind since they first met. “Why do you have tentacles?”
“Why do younothave them?” Gorg countered.
“I mean, is there a lot of water on your planet? Do you live in the water?”
Gorg laughed. “There is the Great Purple Inland Sea where it is said we had our beginnings, but we are land creatures. We like to swim, of course, especially in the third tri-season when it is warm.”
“I find it strange that you refer to your measure of time as a tri-season. Pregnancy on this planet is measured in three trimesters, but our year has four seasons. Winter, spring, summer, and autumn.”
Gorg looked surprised. “A pregnancy spans all three tri-seasons on our planet as well. We have only three seasons — Little Death, Birth, and Renewal. Little Death is cold, and the flowers and trees die. We can die as well if we do not take care to stay warm. Birth is the harbinger of new life when most pregnancies come to term. The weather is warm and sunny. Renewal is mating season, when those of us who wish mates find them, and many of us procreate. The weather begins to cool then and warns us that the leaves will soon turn red because Little Death is coming.”
“What season is it now on your planet?”
Gorg’s cheeks pinked with an adorable blush. “Renewal season. Everyone is rushing around trying to find mates.”
“Do you have a mate and children?” Ebenezer asked.
“Oh, no. I have not been lucky in love. Nor have I impregnated anyone.” Gorg looked dejected.
“I’m sure you’ll find somebody soon and have a passel of little Gorgs running around,” Ebenezer said. He patted Gorg’s arm.
“You are kind to say that,” Gorg said. He offered up a small smile that trembled on his lips. “I fear that may not happen for me. Our planet has a shortage of possible mates. The demand outweighs the supply.”
“Do you have to mate on your planet and have kids?”
“Oh, no. Many of us do not, either through circumstance or by choice. My egg brother, Hivery, mated Listeria, who is from another planet. They have since had a child. I wish to…I just don’t know if I ever will have the opportunity.” Gorg looked sad again, and that made Ebenezer uncomfortable.
“Listen, we don’t need to stay in the house. We can go outside. I mean there’s lots for you to see if you really want to, but you can’t go out looking the way you do. If anybody sees those tentacles, they’ll call the cops and you’ll either end up in a zoo or Area 51.”
