“I don’t mean ‘found’ like he was wandering down the freeway looking for a ride, you dolt. I mean ‘found’ as in my life’s partner. I’m done with the porn industry.”
“Look, I don’t care if you quit the business, but you have to finish the film you were under contract to complete.” Roger sounded just slightly robotic, and Ebbie wasn’t entirely sure Roger wasn’t some sort of AI construct. He’d never met the man in person.
“Ebbie you can’t!” Gorg’s voice was tight with anxiety. “It would kill me to see you with another man. And just think of the baby!”
“Baby? What baby? Who is that?” Roger demanded.
“That is someone called Ain’t None of Your Business, Roger. And he was callingmebaby. It’s a term of endearment, something I’m sure is alien to you.” Ebbie drew heavily on his acting skills.
Unfortunately, most of his talent must have been in his dick, because Roger didn’t seem to believe any of it. “Are you adopting? Is that why you left? Do you know what will happen if the adoption agency finds out you’re a porn star?” Roger had the balls to laugh. “Oh, brother. You absolutely have no choice but to come back, if for nothing else to keep Allen and the company from blackmailing you.”
“How would they even find out unless you told them?” Ebenezer sputtered, forgetting for a moment that he wasn’t adopting. “You’remylawyer! Isn’t there something called attorney-client privilege or something?”
“That would be true if you actually paid me, which you haven’t in months. In fact, if you’d read the last email I sent you, you would know I quit and threatened to sue for back wages. However, I very quickly found a highly lucrative position that pays ten times what you paid — or didn’t pay — me, so I dropped the lawsuit.”
Ebenezer sighed. “Good news for me, I guess. Who do you work for now?”
He could hear the oily grin in Roger’s voice. “I’m chief in-house counsel for Humpalot Films.”
“You fucker!”
“Sorry, dude. Go back to work or risk losing your chance at adoption. Not that I, personally, would reach out to the adoption agency, but you know how vindictive Allen can be…”
It was at that point, just as Ebenezer was swelling with indignation and fury, that he remembered he wasn’t trying to adopt. Not that it made the threat any shittier, but at least now he could let them chase their tails trying to stop an adoption that wasn’t happening to begin with.
“You fucking suck, Roger. And tell that scumbag, Allen, that I’ll see him in Hell before I go back to that piss-poor excuse for a film!” Ebenezer thumbed the off button, ending the call. He smiled, imagining Roger, Allen, and the CEO of Humpalot Films swearing and grumbling and pledging to get even with him by screwing up his adoption plans. He almost wished he could tell them that the baby in question was growing inside him. What would they do then? Try to stick a lien on the baby until he pays his debt?
“Ebbie?” Gorg’s voice sounded small and scared.
“Don’t worry, Gorg. I’m not going back to the porn industry. Not even to finish the last film. Those days are over for me.”
He was rewarded with a beatific smile from Gorg that gave him the warm fuzzies and made him grin back.
“It is just as well. Your body will be swelling soon, and you will find some positions difficult.”
Ebenezer’s smile slid away. “You mean sex is going to be awkward? I don’t know if I’m going to like that. In fact, I know I’m not. Oh, God…am I going to get too fat to have sex?”
“Don’t worry. I will be able to support your weight. That’s what my tentacles are for.”
“That’s not relieving my anxiety a single iota.”
Gorg seemed to realize he may have made a faux pas. “No, no. You will never be fat to me. You will only look more stunning than you already do.”
“Just fat to everyone else?”
“On Jizm, pregnant people are the most attractive of us all.”
“People on earth will think I’ve got the potbelly from Hell. They’ll think I swallowed a beachball.”
“Ebenezer, stop! You are my life mate. You are handsome, soon to be even more so. Does that not matter to you?”
Ebenezer sighed. “Yes. Yes, it does matter. We’ve only known each other for a few days, but I really do think it matters. It must — I’ve upended my entire life and career for you.” He summoned up a smile. “I have an idea of what might make me feel better.”
Gorg looked relieved. “What is it? Name it, and it is yours.”
Ebbie’s smile felt both lazy and lecherous on his lips. It was the best kind of smile, he thought— the kind that held the promise of soon getting laid. He took Gorg’s hand and led him to the bedroom.
Through the bedroom, actually, to the large master bath attached. “Strip.”
