It can’t be right.
Could it?
No, it was wrong in a thousand ways.
He pushed the thought away and mentally pictured women’s squishy parts until his hard-on dissipated.
After parking and walking to the entrance, Ebenezer noticed how much Gorg was sweating. It was warm in Long Beach, far too warm to be in that overcoat, but it couldn’t be helped.
“I’m sorry you have to be so hot,” Ebenezer said. “I mean, I’m not sorry you’rehotbecause I like the way you look exceptfor, you know, the tentacle thing. But because you’re warm in the coat.”
“It is fine,” Gorg replied, giving Ebenezer a smile that tickled all the way down to the pit of Ebenezer’s stomach.
Dimples. Had he noticed Gorg had deep dimples in his cheeks? How could he have not noticed that? They were adorable. And hot.
Stop. Think about squishy, pink lady parts. Ugh.Ebenezer tried to discreetly adjust himself, but all he did was draw Gorg’s attention to his groin.
“Why are you playing with your penis? Would you like me to do that for you? What did you call it? A rub-around?”
“Reach-around, and no thank you. I just need to…erm…fix it.”
Gorg gasped. “Is it broken?”
“No! I just…it’s fine. I’m fine. Come on, let’s get inside.” He took Gorg’s elbow and led him toward the ticket windows.
He bought the tickets, charged them to his Amex card, and then walked with Gorg inside the building.
Once inside, Ebenezer asked for directions and brought Gorg to the Northern Pacific Gallery.
“Well, here we are,” Ebenezer said as they stood in front of a glass-walled aquarium.
“We are…where?”
“This is the exhibit for the Giant Pacific Octopus,” Ebenezer said. “Your soulmate.”
“Oh,” Gorg said with a laugh, “I wouldn’t say soulmate! I just admired their intelligence, that’s all. You see, rumor had spread on my planet that the highest form of intelligence onthisplanet was the octopi. You have since corrected me. But I would still very much like to meet one. Where is it?” He peered into the exhibit.
“Near those rocks. See him? There he is.” Ebenezer pointed.
“Oh, it’s a she, not a he.”
“And how, exactly do you know that?”
Gorg rolled his eyes. “Her third arm, silly. Everyone knows girls have suction cups all the way down their third arm, but boys don’t. We learn that in elementary school. It’s part of sex ed.”
“What makes you sure it’s true of Earth octopi?”
“I just…well, I don’t know. It seems logical.” Gorg rapped on the glass. “Pardon me, but are you a male or a female?”
“She’s not going to answer you,” Ebenezer hissed. “And don’t bang on the glass.” He turned toward a young woman who wore a pin that said,Ask Me About Our GPO. “Pardon me, but is that a boy octopus or a girl octopus?
“It’s a female. Her name is Gumball.”
Ebenezer frowned. “What sort of name is that?”
“All of our GPOs are given names that begin with the letter “G.” It’s tradition,” the girl said, then turned to answer someone else’s question.
“Well, I stand corrected. You were right. It’s a girl. Can we go, now?”
