Page 77 of Leo and His Love Bunny
“I did,” he says, and he sounds regretful. Or maybe that’s just my wishful imagination, because I want him to regret it. I want him to feel bad that I hurt. I want him to... Apologize I guess, but not just apologize, somehow mean it.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“So you know who this person is?” I ask again.
Leo nods. “I do.”
“Will you tell me who?” I ask, and I don’t sound menacing, but I feel like he’s already kept a lot of information from me, and whether this person wants to remain anonymous or not, the fact that Leo knows and doesn’t tell me, makes me feel like...I can’t trust him.
Is that the right way to feel? I try to rationalize about it the way Matt had, but my mind just can’t go there. I want to be upset. I want to be hurt, and I want him to do something to make up for it, but I have no idea what he could possibly do that would make me feel better about this.
“The person wanted to remain anonymous. They wanted to do something kind for someone they felt was worthy of it. They have some extra money and they wanted to share, to support another business owner in the town that they love. They admireand respect you, and want to see you succeed. Is that so terrible?” Leo asked.
“It’s not.” I say, but I’m not satisfied. Still, I try to tell myself that doesn’t matter. Right? Whether I know, whether I don’t, someone wanted to do something nice for me. That should be enough. And, I don’t have to know everything. I don’t have to know all the details, I don’t have to know the things that I want to know. If God wants me to know them, He’ll make sure I do. And if God doesn’t allow me to know, then I can only assume that I am not supposed to know, or don’t need to know at that moment in time.
The reminder that God is in control, and that God ultimately decides what I know and what I don’t, and it’s not really Leo in charge, because if God wanted me to know, He could certainly override Leo. As much as I admire Leo for his strength and ability, God is more.
“It was me. I’m the one who admires you. I’m the one who wanted to see you succeed. I’m the one who wanted to help your business grow. When I saw the breast cupcakes, and the catastrophe that you thought was going to happen to your business, I wanted to do something to help you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
He sounds truly miserable.
“But I really did want to remain anonymous. I... I figured you’d be upset with me when you found out, but didn’t do it out of pity or out of anything weird. I just did it because you deserve it. You make good cupcakes, and I want the world to know about them.”
“Then you could have told me that you wanted cupcakes at your speaking engagements. You didn’t have to go through all of this rigmarole.” I’m kind of proud of the way my voice sounds modulated and even. I don’t sound angry, and I realize... I’m not. He said all the right words. The kind things I needed to hear,the fact that he wanted to see me succeed, that he thought I was worthy, that he admired me and wanted to help my business. I didn’t know those were the words I needed, but somehow he did.
“You’re right. I wasn’t thinking about it at first. I did want to find a way to help you, but I didn’t realize that the groups and organizations I would be speaking for weren’t going to be interested in paying for cupcakes as well. I guess... That was a rookie mistake. One of them.”
“It was a good mistake. Thank you. I guess it’s silly to be offended that I didn’t know. I should be grateful that you looked at me and saw someone whom you wanted to see succeed. That you would put money behind that desire and work for that with all your heart. I appreciate it.”
“It’s all true. And... Maybe part of the reason I didn’t just hire you outright, didn’t just have you bake cupcakes to take with me, is because... I want to spend time with you. I’ve enjoyed driving with you, and I really am going to miss it. Just like I said.”
“I’m going to miss it too,” I say, and we look across the seat and smile at each other. I feel like our relationship shifts just a little, but I can’t say exactly how, I just know that it feels good.
Chapter 34
Nora
“Are you nervous?” Leo asks as I fidget in my seat. We’re on our way to the preseason party. I’ve never been to anything like this before, and he’s right. I am nervous.
“How did you know?” I asked, thinking about all my tells. I’m quiet, my fingers can't stop fiddling with my skirt, and my leg is shaking.
“I don’t know. Probably because instead of laughing and smiling and talking like you usually do, you look like I’m taking you to watch the Romans throw Christians to the lions.”
“You would never take me to see something like that.”
“I hope not. But, the fact of the matter is that there were humans at one point in time who enjoyed watching that and called it sport. As hard as it is for me to imagine. I think... I think we could all be just as depraved, as much as we would like to think that we couldn’t be.”
Somehow the conversation has taken a very serious turn, which seems to be the way our conversations go. We can talk about anything.
“I suppose you’re right. I suppose our society may be heading in that direction now. Our moral compass is terribly off course, and I’m not sure how to right it.”
“I don’t think anyone but God can do that. Perhaps a revival of Christians, but on a micro level, it’s just up to each individual to try to do right and spread that around in their little corner of the world.”
“Your corner of the world is a little bigger than most people’s,” I remind him, and he grins.
“I didn’t know that you were one of my many admirers,” he says, and then he rolls his eyes like he doesn’t have admirers or something.
“I’m one of many,” I say, and I’m a little sad about that. I don’t want to be one of many. I want to be special. Not to everyone, just to Leo.
