Page 61 of Leo and His Love Bunny
I want to be more, I want with all of my heart to be more, but I don’t think it would be fair to Nora.
So, as the elevator dings and the doors open and we step off, I say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
I know that’s not what I should say. I don’t mean that I’m sorry for kissing her. I’m sorry that I did because it wasn’t fair to her.
But I know that she doesn’t hear that. She hears that I’m sorry, and she thinks I regret kissing her.
She pastes a bright smile on her face and shakes her head. “You don’t have to apologize. We were both there, and I kissed you too. But you’re right. It doesn’t need to happen again.” As she’s talking, she’s fumbling in her pocket trying to find the key. She’s not looking at me, and I feel like she might be on the verge of crying. I want to grab her chin and move her head toward me to make sure, but I don’t want to muddy the waters further. And I don’t think I can touch her right now. If I do, I’m going to end up kissing her again.
“I had a great evening, thanks,” she says as she inserts the key into the lock and it clicks. She pushes the door open and waves a hand backward in my direction as she slips inside and the door clicks closed.
That is not how I wanted tonight to end. Not at all. But my brain isn’t moving fast enough for me to figure out what I need to do in order to avert the train wreck that really already happened. Now I’m just staring at the ashes, trying to figure out how to put everything back together. Because I know I hurt her, and that is the worst thing of all.
Chapter 27
Nora
I am not crying. I’m not.
So he apologized for kissing me. That’s a stupid thing to cry over and I refuse.
Except the warm tracks going down my cold, wet cheeks say quite loudly that I’m lying to myself.
He apologized for kissing me.I feel like that’s the ultimate insult. Maybe he was trying to be considerate, because that’s just the way he is.
I want to believe it.
I take a deep breath and tell myself I’m going to get out of these wet clothes and take a nice, long, hot shower, then I’ll make a soothing cup of tea and chat with Trixie for a while. The thought of Trixie reminds me of Goalie and the time I spent with Leo and makes my eyes fill with tears again, but I blink them back because there’s a knock at my door.
I’m not expecting anyone, and it’s kind of late for company. Plus, I hate to answer the door when I’ve obviously been crying. I’m so tempted to just head to the bathroom and not answer, but I suppose years of training by my mother won’t allow me to take the easy way out.
I go reluctantly to the door and open it.
I almost close it again right away.
Leo.
His mouth is open, like he’s trying to talk, but no words come out.
Finally, a muscle twitches in his jaw and he says, “Can I come in?”
He takes a deep breath like he’s going to say more, but I just open the door wider and allow him to step in.
He’s always been kind to me and I know he’d never do anything to deliberately hurt me. He has, of course, and I’m hurting now, but it wasn’t on purpose. How can I be angry at him? I’m more upset at myself for allowing my feelings to get out of control. I know who he is and how he’s used to being idolized by everyone. I know that we were just friends and that’s all he wanted. I know the kiss didn’t mean anything and he regrets it.
I know it. But that doesn’t stop me from hurting.
Once he’s in, I close the door behind him. We’re both soaking wet, although I’m not cold and I assume he’s not either. He...looks worried.
We stare at each other. He was the one who came to my door, so I’m not even trying to think of anything to say. He can say what he came back to say and I will try hard to hold myself together until he leaves.
“Thanks for letting me in.”
Maybe I should offer to allow him to sit, but I don’t. Instead I jerk my head.
“I’m kind of tired,” I say, and it’s true. I’m not sleepy, not even a little, but I am suddenly exhausted and just want to be alone.
“I’m sorry.”
