Beep.
“Indy, it’s me. Er, it’s Theo.” I shove my hand into my hair. What can I say to her that will change this place that we’ve ended up? She won’t talk to me. She hasn’t read my messages. And there are so many things that I should apologize for. “It’s been almost a week and I haven’t heard from you. I don’t know why you’re freezing me out…”
I collapse against the concrete wall. “Not that I don’t deserve it after what happened with Nelson. What I said…”
What I am. That’s probably why I’m missing having her around. As much as I tried to fight it…Indy made me feel like I was redeemable. Made me want to eke a little more out of life than being numb. I would do anything to have her back in my corner. To feel that way again.
“You probably don’t trust me anymore…”
And she shouldn’t. I didn’t help her out of the kindness of my heart. I helped her for my own gain. I used her to save my own life while Nelson had that gun pointed at me too. I lift my hand up in front of my face. I start to shake every time I remember the event.
“But I—”
Pez strides into the room and picks up a carton of glasses. “Going to be much longer? It’s a madhouse out there. We need all hands on deck.”
“Oh, right.”
“Is that…Indy?”
I jerk my chin down. I haven’t told him about Nelson or any of it. He still thinks Indy and I are hanging out.
“Hey, Indy,” he calls out as he passes me on his way back, then he mouths at me, “Hurry.”
“Right. I’ve got to go.” I take a deep breath that doesn’t alleviate the heavy feeling. “Uh, call me when you get this I guess.”
“Hey, this is Indy…”
I can barely hear her voicemail message, but it doesn’t matter; I have it memorized at this point. I take another swig from the half-empty bottle of Jameson in my other hand.
Tonight’s fight was rough. I got clocked a couple of times and there’s a ringing sound in my ear and the strobe lights are making me want to kill a fucker, they’re so bright. But this girl is nibbling on my neck and it’s not the worst feeling in the world. If I close my eyes, I can imagine it’s Indy.
I can give in to that dark voice in the back of my head that tells me what I told Nelson about Indy is true. I’m into her.
“Want me to…” The girl grabs my belt and gives it a tug. I go with it…let her lead me into a dimly lit alcove. Watch her drop to her knees.
Beep.
Shit. I forgot I was on the phone. “It’s me. I know I said I liked you, but I don’t. I want to set the record straight. It was all bullshit.”
“Who are you talking to?” The girl looks up at me, her hand on my zipper. “Me? You told me you wanted this.”
“Not you.” I sway on my feet. I miss Indy. Miss her voice and her smile. Miss her perfume. Her inappropriate facts. The way her eyes light up when she’s excited.
“So, you want me to? Or no?”
I collapse against the wall and drag down the zipper myself. “Yeah.”
Her hand wraps around me and then her lips. Her head bobbles back and forward.
I shut my eyes. Imagine Indy on her knees with her mouth around me. But then she’s in the truck behind me and Nelson is holding that barrel to my face. The back of my throat starts to burn. My phone is still pressed to my ear. “Unless it’s because I killed Cooper.”
“Oh my God, you killed someone?” The girl on the floor pulls back, her eyes wider than her mouth was when it was wrapped around me.
I scowl down at her.
“That’s so hot.” She dives back in greedily. What the fuck is wrong with this girl? Shouldn’t she be running away?
Indy did. That girl is smart. “I keep thinking about all the things that we haven’t done yet. I think we should get back to it. Call me back, Indy. God, just call me back.”
