Page 10 of Sassy & Sixty
Emma snorted quietly. "Serenity? Bet that's not what's on her birth certificate."
"Shh," Lisa elbowed her, but Rosie could see the corners of her mouth twitching.
"Let's begin in a comfortable seated position," Serenity instructed, folding herself effortlessly into a cross-legged pose.
Rosie lowered herself to her mat, wincing as her knees creaked in protest. Comfortable? Ha! She hadn't sat cross-legged since primary school.
"Now, close your eyes and focus on your breath," Serenity continued, her voice taking on a dreamy quality. "Inhale positivity, exhale negativity."
Rosie tried to focus, she really did. But all she could think about was whether her muffin top was visible to the entire class.
"Psst," Catherine whispered from her left. "Is it normal for my foot to be going numb?"
Before Rosie could answer, Serenity's voice cut through the room. "And now, let's move into our first pose. We'll start with a simple Cat-Cow stretch."
Simple. Right. Rosie watched in growing alarm as Serenity demonstrated, her spine undulating with feline grace. Around the room, bodies began to move in sync, a sea of arching backs and tucked chins.
"Come on, ladies," Emma muttered. "If that slip of a girl can do it, so can we."
Rosie positioned herself on her hands and knees, feeling ridiculous. She arched her back, trying to mimic Serenity's fluid movements.
A strangled yelp from her right made her turn her head. Julie, in her enthusiasm, had arched her back so dramatically she'd lost her balance and face-planted onto her mat.
"I'm okay," Julie whispered, her voice muffled by the mat. "Just... checking the thread count on this thing."
Rosie bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud. She chanced a glance at the others. Lisa, ever the perfectionist, was frowning in concentration as she moved between poses. Catherine looked like she was trying to impersonate a startled cat, her movements jerky and uncertain. And Emma... well, Emma appeared to be doing her own thing entirely, her interpretation of Cat-Cow bearing a striking resemblance to the Funky Chicken.
"Beautiful, everyone," Serenity called out, her eyes suspiciously avoiding their corner of the room. "Now, let's move into Downward Facing Dog."
Oh, good grief. Rosie watched in mounting horror as Serenity demonstrated, her lithe body forming a perfect inverted V. Around the room, participants followed suit, a forest of spandex-clad bottoms rising into the air.
"You've got to be kidding me," Emma muttered, but gamely began to push herself up.
Rosie took a deep breath and attempted to mimic the pose. Immediately, she felt the blood rushing to her head. Her hamstrings screamed in protest, and she was pretty sure her yoga pants were giving everyone behind her a view they hadn't signed up for.
"Breathe into the pose," Serenity instructed, gliding between mats. "Feel your spine lengthening, your shoulders opening."
All Rosie could feel was an overwhelming urge to collapse onto her mat and never move again.
A muffled whimper from Catherine caught her attention. Rosie turned her head, no easy feat in her current position, to see her friend frozen in place, her arms shaking with effort.
"I'm stuck," Catherine whispered, panic evident in her voice. "I can't move. Oh god, I'm going to be in this position forever."
Rosie bit her lip, torn between concern for her friend and an almost overwhelming urge to burst out laughing. The sight of Catherine, bottom in the air, face a mask of wide-eyed panic, was almost too much to bear.
"Hold on," Lisa whispered, attempting to shimmy over to Catherine without breaking her pose. "I'll help you down."
What followed was a comedy of errors that would have put the Three Stooges to shame. Lisa, in her attempt to assist Catherine, lost her balance and toppled sideways, taking Emma down with her. Emma, flailing wildly, kicked out and caught Julie's ankle, sending her sprawling across her mat with a yelp.
Rosie, distracted by the domino effect of falling friends, felt her own arms give way. She collapsed onto her mat with an undignified "oof," rolling onto her back just in time to see Catherine slowly topple over like a felled tree.
For a moment, there was silence. Then, from the tangle of limbs and yoga mats, Emma's voice rose in a barely suppressed giggle. "Well, that's one way to get unstuck."
It was as if a dam had burst. Laughter erupted from their corner of the room, loud and unrestrained. Rosie felt tears streaming down her face as she gasped for breath, each glance at her friends setting off a fresh wave of giggles.
"Ladies," Serenity's voice cut through their mirth, her serene tone now decidedly frosty. "Perhaps this isn't the right class for you."
Rosie looked up to see Serenity looming over them, her perfect posture somehow managing to convey extreme disapproval. Around the room, other participants were twisted in impossible poses, staring at them with a mixture of annoyance and pity.
