Page 78 of Emily: Hello Kitten
Which means we haven’t seen each other since Monday night and it’s Wednesday. I’ve completed one final. I still have two papers and a test left. Beth is losing her mind, second guessing everything, and Danielle is having me edit her papers.
It’s study and writing central in our room. But all I can think about is Adrian. I won’t have him as a professor next semester, so does that mean we have to keep hiding it? No. He’ll still be a professor. I could still get expelled and he could still be fired. Plus, people will ask questions about last semester.
“Hey, you haven’t typed in like three minutes,” Beth says. “Is something on your mind?”
“Just stressed,” I say, trying not to lie. I don’t want to lie to my friends anymore. It’s gross.
After hours of helping my friends, I stare at my half-finished essay for Adrian. After hesitating another minute, I dive into the argument I wasn’t sure I was going to use. It’s daring, controversial, but I’m sure it will work. Of course, since I could choose any book to analyze through one of the lenses we talked about in class, I chose the exact book I picked out when my sister was over at Adrian’s.
I talk about how Sherlock’s losing was actually a way for Arthur Conan Doyle to make female wit something to celebrate, to prove women can own their sexuality and use their looks and the way others use them as a ploy, how it adds to her wit, and the essay pours out of me.
When I finish, I have to go back through and edit it, organize my argument, put in the citations, and triple-check it for grammar issues. I glance at my clock, notice it’s two in the morning, then turn in the digital copy.
The next day, I turn in another paper, so all that’s left is my test. I breeze through it, but it’s so easy that I’m actually worried I’ve failed at the end of it. I nearly grab it back to go over it again, but my professor tuts and takes it from me.
“Maybe I should just check a few more things,” I hint.
“Don’t second-guess yourself, Emily. Your first answer comes from your gut. The second answer comes from your doubt. Doubt leads to failing,” he says seriously.
I nod, adjust my backpack, then leave the classroom. I head to the English building. It’s my last day of the semester and I need to oversee Dr. Spence’s test. I tried to avoid her after I saw her coming on to Adrian, but I couldn’t, really. I’m still her PA.
She said she trusts me enough to oversee the test. So I hand it out quickly, promising the students they have as long as theyneed since this is the last class of the day, but that I have to cap them at two hours if they’ll need that.
A few appear nervous, but I quote the professor I just had, promising the class that if they’ve paid attention, they’ll do well. I also spoil a surprise that Dr. Spence likes to keep secret. She went after Adrian, and this is the only revenge I can get.
“I happen to know that if your final essay is better than your final in terms of grade, she’ll drop the lower one. There’s no pressure here,” I promise in my calmest voice. “You can handle this just like you all handled the semester. Take your time, breathe, and don’t second-guess yourself.”
With that, they get started. I glance around occasionally, just to make sure that no one is cheating, but my phone vibrates after the first student turns in their test and thanks me. It has to be a record. Thirty minutes to complete an exam.
I wish them a good break, then check my phone. Adrian?
Come to my office when you’re done.
I glance around and gulp, then reply.
Everything okay?
It’s not about your final, calm down. I haven’t even started on those yet. I want you to be the first to know something.
I send him a few question marks, but he doesn’t answer.
I huff, my heart beating quicker, but I manage to glue myself to the chair until everyone’s done with their tests. No one has questions or reports problems. They just give me nervous smiles as they leave. I alphabetize the tests, then turn them in to Dr. Spence’s office where she’s already grading others.
“Thank you for all your help this semester, Emily. You really are amazing. You should consider teaching,” she gushes.
“Thank you. I hope you have a great break,” I say.
“You too!” With that she goes right back to grading, so she doesn’t see my smile fall.
I roll my eyes, then head to Dr. Hayes’ office. He has to be Dr. Hayes right now. Otherwise, I’ll get excited. After our first and last round of fun in his office, he all but banned me from coming in.
“Shut the door, Emily,” he orders as I walk in.
Someone outside hisses that I’m in trouble. I shake my head and shut the door but don’t sit down. I clear my throat. “Dr. Hayes, if there’s something we need to discuss.”
“You have no reason to call me that anymore,” he says without looking up from his desk.
My heartbeat fills my ears. I have no idea what he’s going to say, but I’m sure I don’t want to hear it. I’m sure it’s going to be terrible, and I have no idea what to think or feel. When I don’t say anything, Adrian looks up. He arches an eyebrow.
