Page 40 of Hello Kitten
“I know. I have to leave you alone when we get back unless—”
“No!” I stand up and immediately start grabbing clothes. “There’s no unless. We’re done. We had a good weekend. You’re going back to your job. I’m going back to my studies. We have to be done and that’s what we’re going to be.”
“Emily,” he says.
“Don’t be sweet with me! We’ve been good fuck buddies and that’s all. I didn’t want to have this talk until I dropped you off,but we can’t do this. We can’t sneak around. We have to stop. I won’t fantasize in class. I won’t ... I’ll deal.”
“Give me the car keys,” he says, and I toss them his way.
The silence around us is killing me and I try to get some sleep, resting my head back as Adrian focuses on the road.
My breathing changes and I start to drift as his voice snaps me back.
“I’m not afraid, Emily. I can understand why you are. But you’re making this choice, not me.”
“Your job?”
“That’s on me, not you.”
I keep my mouth shut the rest of the way, as does Adrian. Nothing is spoken until we’re at his place. I climb out of the passenger seat and wait for Adrian to get his bag and give me the keys back.
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow…Dr. Hayes,” I say softly as he stands before me, gripping the bag tightly.
“If something changes ... if you need anything, tell me,” he says calmly.
“Yeah.”
He pauses and inches closer. “Call me ‘professor’ or ‘sir’ even once and things will change.”
I swallow and nod once. “Don’t call me anything but my name.”
I take the keys from his hand, and leave before we can tempt fate anymore. Because if he calls me kitten one more time, I don’t know if I can ever leave.
Beth clings to me when I get home, wanting to know every detail of the wedding. With a slight lump in my throat, I tell her everything. Well, I leave Dr. Hayes out because he’sonlyDr. Hayes, but even after she leaves me alone in my room, I can’t sleep at all.
I’m freezing without Adrian wrapped around me. I miss his tie wrapped around my wrist so I can’t touch him. I miss his hands on me.
Because somehow this morning and last night proved we’re not just sex. I want us to be. I want us to be hot sex and nothing more. I need us to be a lust-fueled weekend and nothing else, but he’s not ... we’re not.
It doesn’t matter. I know this has to end.
Of course, that’s easy to say while alone in bed. When I slide into class, all my marks still covered, Beth still telling me that I should give Yacht Guy a try ... I feel like shit. I feel worse than shit when Dr. Hayes walks in.
“Looks like he didn’t get any sleep,” Beth whispers. “I guess you were right.”
“Right?” I ask.
“I mean, not to be mean, but one weekend away and he clearly had fun last night. Maybe Sundays are his ‘fuck’ days,” she says, then elbows me. “Good you decided to be done with him for multiple reasons.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah,” I agree, managing a half smile.
I focus on taking notes, not how ragged his voice sounds. I don’t want to ask him how he’s doing. I don’t want to drag this out. I have to let him go. It shouldn’t be hard!
Sure, we talked some yesterday morning. Sure, our chemistry is insane. Sure, I like being the reason he smiles, but this can’t work. Won’t work. He’s a professor. As long as he’smyprofessor and I’m a student, it’s too dangerous.
I rub my wrist, thinking of his tie biting into my skin. My fingers trail over my neck, where I have his hickeys and bite marks covered with makeup. My eyes lift against my will and I find Dr. Hayes staring at me while a student is reading.
He tugs his tie. The same fucking tie. Why is he wearingthattie?
