Page 10 of Summertime Secret
What was I thinking? How foolish can I be? Why would I go to bed with a stranger? Given myself to a man whose last name I do not even know. What a foolish, reckless, ridiculous thing to do.
Sitting in the back yard of the cottage I share with my sisters—well,shared, as Luci now stays with Gareth—I pop another macaroon into my mouth. It is crunchy and sweet, decadent. It is not even close to the decadence I felt being with Edon during our night together.
It has been almost a week, and I can’t think of anything else but that night.
I baked those cookies to use as an excuse to see him again. To see whatever he was hiding out there in the woods. I had not planned to go home with him. To wind up in his bed. Once he touched me, once he kissed me again, I was completely under his spell.
“It is magic,” I whisper to the darkness. “He wove a spell over me. This is not real. He is not a monster. I am not a monster.”
Whispering those last words, I shake off how wrong the words feel. I am not a monster. But I am different. I have always felt different. All of us girls have always been different than others our own age. None of us fit the mold so many others were cast in.
Being with Edon is the first time I understood that. That there was a feeling of rightness inside of me. His talk of mating, of a wolf inside of him, of something wild coming to life between us scared me.
I believe there is magic in Moon Haven—but I don’t know if I want to be part of that magic. “Can you be with him without his magic?”
My question sounds loud in the otherwise silence of my back yard. Cari is out on a date with some guy she met at an art show. I am glad she is putting herself out there because she deserves everything.
“What about you? What doyoudeserve?” A voice rasps.
Only there is no one there. I am all alone. Well, I thought I was alone. Squinting at the darkness, I catch my breath. All the other times he found me in the woods, I felt him. Sensed him before he even spoke. This time. It is not his voice, not his presence I feel.
This voice is not from the darkness or from anyone else. It is inside of me. A small voice that I have done my best to ignore. It has always been there, but these past few weeks, since I’ve become curious about the magic here in Moon Haven, it has grown louder.
“Why would I deserve anything more than Luci or Cari?”
“Not more. Just the same. Don’t you deserve something of your own? Don’t you want your own magic? The magic you felt with him.”
Chewing thoughtfully on a pistachio macaroon, I consider this. It is a very good question. I have always deferred to my sisters’ needs. After we lost our parents two years ago, I took on the task of looking after them. It doesn’t matter that I was the baby sister. All that mattered was we were hurting so one of us had to take the lead.
My bakery was how I tried to take lead. How I tried to look out for all three of us. Cari is a dreamer, her head in the clouds, her heart open to anything. Luci was more thoughtful, writing her feelings out in stories or poems. I would not call either of them careful or cautious. That was always my role.
“They don’t need you now. Not the way they did before.”
“They love me,” I argue against that nasty voice, biting down on a chocolate raspberry macaroon, Luci’s favorite. “They can be happy without me. It doesn’t mean they love me or need me any less.”
“There is nothing wrong with letting them go. Letting them find what is meant for them. While you find what is meant for you.”
Groaning at the voice in my head that won’t shut up, I slam the lid on the container of sweets and push to my feet. I know what is meant for me.Don’t I?Baking sweets for the people of this small town. Looking out for my sisters. That is enough for me.
“Is it still enough? Now that you found him?”
Pain starts to radiate from my chest, almost putting me back on my ass. I press a hand there, as if I can rub this ache away. I know that I can’t. It is an ache that started the night I met Edon. An ache I suspect he alone can help rid me of.
Sighing, I head back inside the empty house. I have been avoiding the quiet of the place since Cari headed out for her date. It has been just the two of us ever since Luci met Gareth. I miss my sisters. I miss the noise and the laughter we filled the house with.
Still, I do want them to find happiness. I do want them to have everything they could ever want. They deserve it. It doesn’t mean I don’t think I deserve the same. I guess I never figured I would find that sort of happiness for myself.
“Oh, cinnamon roll!” I shout as I hear a knock at the front door. I rush past Fuzz, laughing when she meows in disapproval at me. “Hold on, I am coming!”
Throwing the door open as I catch my breath, I smile at my labored breathing. I need to eat a few less macaroons, I think. As I see who is at my front door, I frown. What would ever make him think it was a good idea to come to my home?”
“Ramond. What...what’re you doing here?”
Ramond Knot owns half of Main Street here in Moon Haven. He is a nice guy, dresses up as Santa Clause during the holidays, gives to all the charities, and helps small businesses get their start. Ramond is also a huge flirt who has never met a woman he did not want to make his next ex-wife. Well, he has never gotten a woman to say yes, so I guess his first ex-wife.
“Evening, Bessi. I spoke to your sister a few moments ago, she let me know you were baking at home tonight. I thought I might come by to offer a little company. Maybe score some sweets.”
Ramond has been flirting with me for weeks. His realty office is across the street from my new bakery. He was my first customer in fact. While I do think he is a good man, and a handsome one too, he is just not for me. I tried to let him down gently. Perhapstoogently.
