Page 84 of Ethan's Sky
Maybe he never really loved me the way I believed he did.Or maybe he thinks the worst of me because he still believes I betrayed him. I don’t know which is the answer, but it doesn’t matter, I don’t suppose. All will be revealed soon enough.
Looking at the time, I know everyone is at the clubhouse in church except Austin who is multitasking at the moment by babysitting me and flirting with Misty at the other end of the counter. The way he looks at her, the way her face lights up when he smiles at her, they remind me of me and Ethan once upon a time. My chest tightens at the memory.
Stop it, Sky.
Coming home has proven to be harder than I ever thought it would be. I expected push back from Ethan, but I never expected him to be cruel. I guess maybe I should have. I knew he would be angry with me, say harsh things, but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Or maybe I thought I could handle it and eventually he would get over my being here and things would get easier over time. Now, I’m not so sure.
He’s jealous.
Maybe a little, but I don’t think it’s about jealousy so much as control. Ethan doesn’t like the fact he can’t make Cash or the others, hate me because he wants them to. They’re loyalty to me infuriates him. He thinks they’re choosing sides. The sad fact is, they don’t know there are sides, or that they should be choosing one. I never told anyone in Mountain Heights about us. They only knew I had been in love and gotten my heart broken. I never gave up his name since they’d all want to kick his ass.
Seeing him again, remembering what we were, what we had together, and what we lost is slowly breaking me apart.
It’s not only about the child we lost, though the memory of that loss still steals my breath away. Knowing I was carrying a piece of him, of us, was what held me together when I was forced to leave. I convinced myself when everything was over, I would find him and tell him about our baby. He would be mad, but he would forgive me because I did what I had to save our child. Except nothing I did could’ve saved our baby.
It’s everything about him. The way my heart races whenever he’s nearby. The whisper of his breath caressing my skin when he speaks into my ear. The soft touch of his fingers when he lightly brushes my cheeks and the strength in his grasp when he grips my hips tugging me to his body. It all sets my body to flame like it knows I was once his and it longs to rekindle everything we once had. It’s absolute fucking torture. Even sitting here now, thinking about how the small things he does affects me has me clenching my thighs together to dull the ache I feel for him.
I can’t seem to let go.
I know my being here has been a struggle for Ethan too, but that doesn’t mean I’ll accept his bullshit and let him push me around. Having me in his space at the bar, or the clubhouse, especially in his gym, I know pisses him off. He’ll have to learn to get over it. It’s not the way I would have things, but if it’s the only way I get to be around him at all, then he will learn to deal, or he’ll have to leave. Which he won’t. He won’t leave his brothers or his gym, not that I’d ever ask him to. Both were my gift to him.
Although Ethan is pissed about my invading his town and his club, he can’t make me do anything I don’t want to. He has no justification for his actions. He may think he does, but I didn’t kill Emily.
After I talk with Gabe, Ethan will learn the truth.
18
ETHAN
I find myself in the gym earlier than usual with a fucking headache that won’t quit, getting some paperwork and scheduling for the next few weeks handled. Needing to do something to occupy my mind and push my body, I decide to go get my workout in sooner rather than later.
After grabbing my gym bag off the floor, I lock up my office and head for the locker room. Not in the mood to talk, I ignore the other member’s hellos and other random greetings. I don’t need company right now. What I need is to beat the fuck out of something until my anger subsides. I don’t care if it’s a heavy bag or a human one, I need to unleash the beast and let it all go.
On my way to the basement, I don’t stop to talk to Violet or bother to answer any of Hawk’s fifteen calls over the last hour. I know what he wants. Gabe’s called church for later this morning. I already got the text message from Jake. Knowing I must face them all again in a few short hours, hitting the gym to burn off some of my anger and calm my ass down seems like a good plan.
In the basement I find Kieran training the twins. Anna’s training self-defense escape maneuvers with Katie and Sadie over in the far corner.I didn’t know Sadie was in town again.Too pissed off to care, I don’t bother with any pleasantries or asking questions.
Seeing Kieran’s busy, I grab a jump rope from the hook on the wall and start jumping. My blood’s already boiling, making cardio seem much easier today. It’s always easier when I’m angry and need to push past the hurt of the burn to clear my head.
I don’t know how much time has passed when Kieran approaches. I only know my heart’s pumping. I’m breathing hard, and this has done absolutely jack shit in helping to calm me down.
“Boys!” Kieran, reading something on his phone, calls to the twins who are about to do their cooldown routine, without looking up from his screen. “Why don’t you go upstairs and finish cooling down, aye? I need the room to train Jake. No distractions. You understand.” He waves a hand shooing them toward the door. It’s not a request. They’re being dismissed.
He makes eye contact with Anna. She, Sadie, and Katie pack up their stuff.
“What gives Kieran,” Sadie huffs. “The almighty Ethan arrives and everyone else get the boot. Must be nice to beteacher’s pet,”she teases. I pay her no mind, keeping focused on my own shit.
Kieran follows them to the door, kisses his sister Katie on the head, then locks the door behind them. I watch as he texts someone, probably Violet. He always lets her know if he needs this part of the gym closed off for private training. I didn’t see anyone else on his schedule until later tonight, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Even if it was, Kieran would tell whoever bitched about it to fuck off.
“Come here, son. Sit down. Let’s get you wrapped up. Hawk tells me you’re fucked in the head over something having to do with the club. Now, I know you can’t divulge club business to me, but you can talk to me about whatever’s going on withyou.”
Still not wanting to talk, I don’t know where I would start if I did. I sit quietly as he puts the wraps on my hands. “All right then, if a good sparring session is what you need to work through whatever’s eating you, then that’s what we’ll do. I have no problem beating the answers out of you.”
He puts my gloves on, tapping them when he’s finished. Jumping to my feet, I take a few swings, wiggling my fingers, testing them out. At my nod of approval, he gets up.
“Do you want me to get one of the other boys down here to spar with you or are you okay to go a few rounds with me? You’re choice.”
“I’ll spar with whoever you want. Doesn’t matter.”
