Page 59 of By His Side
“I’m leaving before you throw me out.”
“Where will you go?”
The problem with not folding things was that less fit in. I gave up on trying to squeeze the last pair of jeans in and left them on the bed. I’d come back for them later, or Darien could burn them. I fastened the backpack with movements that I wanted to believe were efficient, but if I was honest, were more angry. “Are you asking as my probation officer or as my… boyfriend?” I cringed at the word I’d used, speaking quickly to get in before Darien could respond. “Assuming that label is correct. Perhaps it isn’t, and I was just fooling myself.”
“No, we were boyfriends.”
Whether it was the quiet way he said it, or the past tense usage that made my throat thick, I couldn’t have said. Either way, I needed to get out of here before I did something stupid like cry. I flung the bag over my shoulder and made for the door, Darien trailing after me, his shoulders hunched. “I will need to know where you’re staying, though.”
“Yeah…” I was at the front door now. “I’ll text you an address when I have one.” I opened it, Darien making no move to stop me, and left.
Chapter Twenty-four
Darien
I’d lived on my own for years, few of my relationships making it to where we’d even considered cohabiting, never mind put it into practice. Yet, never had the house seemed as empty as it did now. And Felix had only been gone for ten minutes. I’d spent that time wandering from room to room, every place seeming to contain some small reminder of Felix.
There was a pie in the kitchen ready to go into the oven that Felix must have made that day. There were the jeans in the bedroom he hadn’t been able to fit into the bag in his haste to leave. He’d left his toiletries in the bathroom, shower gel, shaving foam, and deodorant still sat forlornly on the shelf I’d cleared for him. Even the living room didn’t escape Felix’s influence, the book on the coffee table one he’d been reading.
Picking the book up, I collapsed back onto the sofa, staring at the cover without really seeing it. How the hell had things gone wrong so quickly? I’d had a scenario in my head where I’d get home and I’d sit Felix down and confess to where I’d been that day. We’d talk about it calmly and rationally. I’d apologize for keeping secrets and he’d listen. Only, the words had dried up in my throat as soon as I’d walked through the door and seen how pleased Felix was to see me, like he’d been waiting all day to greet me.
Guilt had made me reluctant to say anything. He’d been too perceptive, though, him immediately picking up on something being wrong leaving me with no choice. And the words just hadn’t come out right. And yes, there was an element of me still needing to process the character assassination that Julian had done on Felix. I’d be lying if I said he hadn’t made me doubt myself. Everyone always told me what an excellent judge of character I was, but no one could get things right all the time. And what if this was the one time where I was blind to what was really going on? Because even I knew that having sex with someone didn’t equate to the clearest of thinking.
Now, though, as I toured my house and spotted all the parts of Felix he’d left behind, there was only one emotion that took center stage, and that was regret at my own stupidity. Because I knew I could have stopped him from leaving. All it would have taken was the right words, the words that didn’t leave him feeling like he was a burden with the whole world against him.
It must be crushing for the one person you thought was on your side to switch within the space of a heartbeat, and all because the man who’d already ruined your life managed to get one last jab in. And I’d let him do it. I’d been trying to trap Julian and instead he’d trapped me. He really was a clever son of a bitch.
“Fuck!” Cursing didn’t make me feel any better. What if it wasn’t too late, though? What if I could still salvage this? I had to at least try. I fumbled for my phone, my fingers not very cooperative in my haste. I almost dialled the wrong person before I finally managed to press the button for Felix’s number. If I were him, I wouldn’t pick up. I’d let it go to voicemail. The question was whether I could trust myself to leave a message without making things worse.
“I know I left some things behind. Other than the jeans, I mean. So if that’s why you’re calling, you can save your breath. I’ll pick them up at some point, or you can send them to me once there’s somewhere to send them. Most of it can be replaced anyway, so I don’t suppose it matters.”
“You answered!” There was no keeping the note of surprise out of my voice.
Felix barked out a humorless laugh. “No. It’s someone doing a really good impression of me.”
“I didn’t call about the things you left behind.”
“No? Why did you call then?”
“Where are you?”
“I only left fifteen minutes ago.”
We were both doing an excellent job of not answering the other’s questions. So of course I asked another one. “Did you jump in a cab?”
“I should have done.”
“What did you do instead?”
Another laugh. This one more natural, but brimming over with self-deprecation. “I made it as far as the café.”
“The one at the end of the road?” I was already grabbing my jacket from the back of the sofa and pulling it on. The café was only a five minute walk away. I could probably do it in four minutes if I walked fast.
“Yeah, that one. I was drinking tea and contemplating my next move.”
I finally managed to get my arms to go into the right holes in my jacket. “Stay there.”
“Why?”
