Page 47 of For the Rest of Forever
He gave Allen another gentle smile of his own, which he really hoped conveyed everything he wanted it to—all his love and all the promises he had in his heart. Then he released Allen’s hand and pocketed his keys.
“Ready, darling?” Greg asked.
“Yeah.”
Greg nodded and hopped out of the SUV. The air was fresh, with a strong pine scent, so familiar and so tempting to him, like the forest was calling his name. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the comfort of the forest surround him and wash away the little bit of worry he didn’treallyneed to have anyway. Then he jogged around to the passenger side to meet Allen, who had just opened his door.
Greg reached out his hand, which Allen took, and then helped his husband out of the SUV. He paused there for a moment, holding Allen’s hand and studying Allen’s beautiful, kind eyes. Then he couldn’t resist. He brought his free hand up and ran the backs of his fingers along Allen’s jawline, the familiar roughness of Allen’s beard providing another measure of reassurance that everything really would be okay.
The corners of Allen’s lips twitched upward in a small smile, and Greg leaned in to kiss him. It was a light kiss again, but he lingered there for a moment, their lips pressed together tenderly,as he let his other arm wrap around Allen’s waist. Then he pulled back just enough to shift slightly, and he buried his head into the crook of Allen’s neck, holding him tighter.
“I love you,” he murmured, and he closed his eyes and settled there for several long seconds, not wanting to let go.
The buzz of his cell phone from his pocket, however, pulled him out of the comfortable place he’d found, and he groaned quietly and straightened up. Allen chuckled and backed up a step.
“Ahh, I’ll just ignore it,” Greg said. “It’s probably just the group text or something.”
But Allen shook his head. “It could be important. But we can go inside first. I’d love to make some tea and then probably just sit out on the deck for a bit. Come on.” Allen slipped his hand into Greg’s, and they walked together toward the small, one-story cabin.
The cabin sat at the end of a rocky outcropping and was nestled among towering pines, which cleared along the back of the home to reveal a full, expansive view of the San Juan Channel and neighboring Lopez Island. They’d stayed there multiple times in the past, typically when they had been on the island for multiday events, such as art festivals or gallery shows or the farmers’ market. But it was nothing short of a miracle that the cabin had been unoccupied and available; according to the owner, Janice, her booking for the weekend had literallyjustcanceled right before Greg had called.
And it had made his decision feel even more right.
Together, he and Allen made their way to the front porch, input the code to unlock the door, and let themselves in. Several minutes later, their tea made but his text messages not yet checked, he and Allen settled down on the outdoor couch on the back patio overlooking the channel.
Allen took a cautious sip of his tea—a fragrant blend of chamomile and lavender—as Greg set his tea on the small patio table in front of them and then pulled out his cell phone. He’d gotten several more text messages while they’d been preparing the tea, and he smiled when he quickly scanned them. He opened up the most recent one first.
“Ah, look, darling, Annabeth sent a photo for you,” Greg said softly, and he shifted to show Allen his phone screen. His heart warmed as Allen’s eyes lit up and he reached out to take the phone.
“Wow, three new kids today, and I... Wait, what is...?” Allen set his tea on the table next to Greg’s and then brought the phone just a little closer to his face. His eyebrows scrunched together as he slid his fingers on the screen to zoom in on the image. “They made... for me?”
Greg slipped his arm up and around Allen’s shoulders. “They did. Annabeth’s text said it was Kiera’s idea? I’m not sure who that is.”
“This little girl right here.” Allen pointed to the screen, where a tiny girl held up a piece of pink construction paper decorated with several colorful drawings and the wordsGet Well Soon Mr. Allenwritten in large block letters. “Last week was her first time at the library. Her family moved here from Pittsburgh, and... and I helped her find books on kittens and dragons. She’s such a sweetheart. Gosh, I... All of them made cards? F-for me?”
“Yeah,” Greg whispered, and he kissed Allen’s cheek. “That’s what Annabeth’s text said. They all stayed an extra hour.”
“Wow.”
Allen’s hand seemed to be shaking as he stared at the phone more, taking the time to zoom in on each of the handmade messages the children held. Greg’s heart both ached and felt so incredibly full as he watched tears gather in Allen’s eyes, andwhen Allen had finally finished reading the messages, he sniffled, wiped his cheeks, and handed the phone back to Greg.
“Thank you for showing me that,” he said quietly.
“You are so loved, Allen,” Greg said softly. He switched off the screen on his phone—all of the other textswerefrom their group chat, and he could show them to Allen later. And though he’d planned on gathering Allen up in his arms and kissing him, it was Allen who melted into him first, falling against Greg and burying his head in Greg’s chest. His arms wrapped protectively around his husband, and he closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of Allen’s head. “You are loved, and you are important to me and to so many others. And you are enough just as you are. Always, my love.”
His heart clenched as he felt Allen shudder against him.
“I don’t—I mean... I can’t...” Allen shook his head, even as he kept it pressed into Greg’s chest. “My brain doesn’t listen. It tells me the opposite. And worse. All the time. And I’m trying—I’m trying so hard.”
“Shh. Shh, I know, darling.”
Allen’s voice was muffled as he started talking again, but Greg could clearly hear every word. Every sad word. “I know this was the right thing to do—to come here. I need the time away. With you. Just me and you, and I-I really hope this is going to help me, and I’m going to try my best to get better, to let myself get better.” He paused for a second and took another deep, shaky breath. “But even now, even after those wonderful messages from the children—god, Greg, those just make my heart feel so full—but there’sstillthis voice in my head saying how terrible it is that I have little kids worried about me. How I’ve made them worry. How I’m not strong enough, because if I was, I would be at work right now. How I’m not worth everyone’s care or—or love. Even your love. How—”
“Shh, no, no,” Greg cut in, and Allen stopped, exhaled roughly, and shook his head.
“It’s... a constant battle. Especially these last few weeks.”
“I know. I know.”
