Page 13 of For the Rest of Forever
Chapter Seven
Greg
Beans whined and tuggedat the end of his leash, but Greg gave him a stern look, and the dog barked indignantly before before sitting down with obvious impatience.
“How that dog has so much energy at five thirty in the morning, I’ll never understand,” Allen huffed, stopping next to Greg as he wiped the sweat from his brow.
The Wednesday morning air was crisp but hinted of a later warmth. Darkness was just starting to give way to light, which peeked through the thick pine trees of the forest. The trail was quiet at this time of day, especially since it was a weekday, and Greg was thankful for that.
It had been a heavy, busy couple of days.
Monday had been rough, filled with too many intense emotions for both of them. And then, yesterday morning, just as they’d been walking out the door, Sheriff Mike had shown up.
The two teenagers apparently wanted to apologize to Allen in person.
That shock had been enough to send all of them back inside, where they’d talked for about a half hour. When the sheriff had left, Allen had admitted to Greg that he was terrified of what his reaction to seeing the boys might be. He wasn’t sure he could handle it.
So they’d decided to “sleep on it.”
Allen had still gone to work, although he’d been in late. And he’d come home early, nursing an awful headache.
They were supposed to talk today—this morning—and Allen had been the one who’d suggested they go on a sunrise hike to one of Greg’s favorite local spots—Little Si, a much smaller companion peak to the extremely popular Mount Si. The peak wasn’t as formidable, and it usually wasn’t quite as crowded—especially on a weekday at five thirty in the morning. The trail up was mostly in the shelter of the forest rather than open along the mountain face, which suited Greg just fine. He loved the feeling of the forest surrounding him; it felt protective, soothing even, especially on days like today.
Greg smiled weakly as he handed Allen a bottle of water and then reached down to pat Beans’s head. “He’s in denial that he’s turning nine this year, so he’s gotta show us how much he’s still a puppy at heart. Until later, that is, when he’ll crawl upstairs and sleep all day.”
“I might have to join him,” Allen complained, frowning as he shifted on his feet a bit. “My knees just aren’t terribly happy with elevation changes like this anymore. I’m not looking forward to the hike back down.”
Greg’s smile faded, and he straightened back up. “We canturn back if—”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant.” Allen closed the cap on the water bottle and shook his head. “I want to be out here with you. Just... it’s a good thing we’re only hiking Little Si. I don’t think I could handle the whole mountain now.”
There was a hint of something to Allen’s tone, almost some sort of guilt. Greg looked off up the trail, unsure what to say, and he tried to push away his unease. He blinked and turned back to Allen. “There’s an easier loop we could take that doesn’t go all the way to the peak but should still give us a decent view of the sunrise. Would you like that, darling?”
Allen swallowed hard and looked down at the ground, and Greg cursed inwardly. Wrong thing to say. That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. He should know better by now.
But he’d been off kilter all week, and Allen’s normal “tells” weren’t really showing through as clearly either. There were too many other emotions. There was too much other pain.
Allen’s hiking boot stubbed into the ground. “I-I’m sorry, I—”
Greg stepped up behind his husband and let his hands settle on Allen’s upper arms. Then he pressed his body up against Allen’s and leaned down to kiss Allen’s cheek.
“You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, and I need you to know I only suggested the easier route because I don’t want to see you hurting. I will not be disappointed either way. I’m extremely grateful to just be spending this time out here with you, whether we make it to the peak or whether we turn back now or whether we take the easier route. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”
Allen leaned back against him and let out a short breath. Greg could feel the heat of Allen’s body and his slightly-too-fast breathing, and it worried him. They still had a good three-quarters of a mile up the mountain to get to the peak, and it was a steady, steep climb. If Allen wasalready so winded...
“I’m okay. We can keep going. I’m sorry, I—” Allen stopped, just like he had before, and he was trembling. Actually, physically shaking. Greg could feel it, and Beans seemed to sense it too. The pup sat himself right at Allen’s feet and leaned against Allen’s legs with a quiet whimper.
Greg’s heart clenched, and he let his hands drift a little lower, down to Allen’s elbows. He almost wished he didn’t know everything that was probably running through Allen’s head right now—all Allen’s thoughts about how he wasn’t good enough, or how he was a burden to Greg, or how he was just getting in the way of what Greg really wanted to do.Nuisance. Disruptive. Burden.Greg had heard it all throughout the years, and the last five days or so had been particularly bad in a way it hadn’t been in a really long time.
He felt almost out of practice in dealing with it, awash with uncertainty. But he was sure of two things—Allen needed him and needed his reassurance, and he needed to let Allen make the decision. He bent down to kiss Allen’s cheek again and then let out a long, slow breath.
“I love you,” Greg said softly, and Allen’s weight pressed back against his chest more.
“I know.”
“Whatever you choose to do, I’ll be okay with. I won’t be upset or disappointed or unhappy in any way, because I’m here with you. That’s what matters most to me.”
It was the truth. One hundred percent, no question.
