After Pip disappearedinto the kitchen, I stood in front of the windows, trying to catch my mental breath. The marina below blurred as my mind raced, struggling to process the unexpected turn our conversation had taken. My heart had nearly stopped beating when I thought he was about to tell me things were over, then it gunned into overdrive when he said he liked me. If I understood him correctly, he had feelings for me—not only as a fuck buddy, but romantically.
Less than a year had passed since Drake shattered my heart, leaving me crippled with doubt and fear. As a result, I’d been wary of Pip’s attention, focusing on the undertone of potential pain and working to keep my feelings under control. Trusting someone again, letting them close, was like balancing on a tightrope. Pip and I had so much in common, yet we were different enough to interest each other. His humor and warmth had eaten away at my defenses.
Sex with him was a revelation. It surpassed anything I’d experienced before, and we hadn’t even fucked yet. He was a considerate lover, and I’d never been with anyone who gave somuch priority to meeting my needs. Everything with him was comfortable, a haven in my troubled life. As hard as I’d tried not to catch feelings, I’d been doomed from the get-go.
But “what-ifs” gnawed at me. I’d always feared I was an experiment for him, and even today, he’d said he couldn’t make any promises. What if his assumptions about his sexuality were wrong? What if his summer with me turned out to be something he regretted, leaving me bruised and bleeding all over again? The bitter thought sent chills down my spine.
I ran my fingers across the glass as I considered my emotions. My heart had been broken, but even as I tried to keep some distance between us, Pip had helped me heal. He’d awakened my capacity to feel something besides pain. I ached, desperate for love, and he offered a possibility. Could I take it and step into the unknown?
No promises, he’d said, but was I ready to make any to him? An electric hum of possibility filled my ears. The gamble was mine, and the prize might be better than I dared to hope.
But we weren’t on that path yet. If we didn’t discuss how to move forward, we could still come out of this emotional labyrinth with lasting damage. He’d been honest, but especially for a proud man like Pip, the truth had teeth. If we made a go of things—if he decided he could be happy with a man long-term—it would be a massive change in his reality. Confessing his feelings was one thing, but changing the course of his life was another.
I glanced at my watch. What should have been a thirty-second trip to get more coffee had grown into minutes, and I worried Pip might be freaking out. When I was about to go look for him, he came back, smiling and carrying a tray.
“I was ready to send the rescue dogs,” I said.
“No need. I was hungry and thought we could both use something to eat.” He set two mugs on the coffee table, alongwith small plates with buttered toast, before nodding at the sofa. “Have a seat.”
I settled where I’d been before, but this time, he claimed the space beside me. We tore through our toast and chased it with coffee. He waited until we’d set the empty plates back on the table to ask the million-dollar question. “What do we do now?”
Relieved he’d saved me the trouble of navigating an awkward moment, I stared into his eyes. “Before we talk about that, we need to be sure we’re on the same page. We like each other as more than friends, right? I have feelings for you, but I need to understand where you’re coming from. You feel for me romantically instead of only sexually?”
He nodded. “Absolutely. That’s why I told you everything.”
“I’m glad.” I had a sip of coffee before saying, “We need to talk about us, but first I want to talk about you.You’rehalf ofus, and you’re dealing with some huge shit. You said you think you may be bi?”
“Who knows? The important thing is how I feel about you.”
“True, but if you are bi, you’re not alone. Millions of people are bisexual. Some are in happy relationships with men and others with women or non-binaries.”
He worked his lips into a miniature version of his wry smile. “Duh.”
I sighed. “What I’m trying to say is that no one can tell you what your identity is, and you don’t even have to claim one. Liking who you like can be all the identity you need. So, try not to stress about it, okay?”
“I hear you, and I’ll do my best. You know that the so-called ‘gay Barracudas’ are my best friends. Blake Conti used to date both men and women before he met Sako, and he says he’s proud to be bi. I don’t always do well with shades of gray, so at least for now, I need something to call myself. I’ll say I’m bi, and if I figure out I’m something else, I’ll change the label.”
I laughed, unsure of why, but this fit Pip—wanting to be sure, but smart enough to realize he didn’t know everything. I cut off my chuckle and said, “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, I promise. What you’re dealing with is a big thing, and I’m here for you, whatever happens with us.” I finished my coffee and pointed at his. “Drink up before it gets cold.”
After he finished, we set our mugs on the table, and he rested a hand on my thigh. “So, what do we do now? It doesn’t seem like I’ve scared you off.”
I hoped what I was about to say didn’t scare him away, either. “We’ve already been seeing a lot of each other. What if we dated?”
“It feels like we’re dating already, to be honest.”
My heart warmed, and I placed a hand on top of his. “Then let’s call it that officially. We don’t have to change anything about what we’re doing.”
“Yes, we do.” The words rushed out of him, a little too loud.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want you to wonder if I’m uncomfortable being with you. You’re giving me a shot, and I want to make the most of it. Hopefully, I can be good for you and make you feel special.”
My eyes burned. No one had ever said anything like that to me. “You already make me feel special. And valuable.” I couldn’t hold back a smile.
“Oh fuck, there it is.”
Perplexed, I tilted my head.
