“But I didn’t do -”
"Save it," he said, throwing his hand up, effectively cutting me off. "I don't want to hear any of your excuses, and I don't want you anywhere near me or my house."
Without another word, he stormed out of my living room. Each thunderous step was like a hammer to my heart. This was an even worse mess than I had anticipated. As soon as the front door slammed behind Alex, my phone started to ring. Foolishly, I ran to it, hoping for, I don't know what, the name on my screen was the last name I wanted to see right now. I declined Lucas' call and collapsed onto the couch.
I don't know how long I sat there. The farm workers had gone for the day several hours ago. The sky was dark, and I was sure I had missed at least one meal, if not two, but I was not hungry. My eyes burned from the weight of my unshed tears. I knew that if I allowed one to fall, I would not be able to get them to stop.
Alex thought I was behind it all and would hate me now. He did not even let me get in one sentence to try to explain myself, not that I could blame him. Looking back on it, I could see how I looked suspicious in this situation. I had been too worried about trying to protect Lucas, whom I was sure was not a friend anymore, so much so that I didn't stop and think about how Alex might feel.
It was devastating to know that any feelings he might have had for me vanished this afternoon. I couldn't keep my emotions in check around him. I had known him for a short time, yet he had changed my entire life. The renovations in the house were evidence of that, but it was more than just repairs and fresh paint. He gave me somewhere to belong and a relationship. And now it was all gone before any of it had started.
I finally pushed off the couch and dragged myself to my bed. Despite the lack of sleep all week, I doubted tonight would be any better. The sheets felt rough against my skin, and the blanket could not keep the night chill away. I longed for the warmth and comfort of sleeping next to Alex. My tossing and turning last night felt foolish now. After all that Alex had said tonight, I was less concerned about Lucas and more disappointed that I would be sleeping alone tonight. Even the hard leather couch in Alex's room would be better than this.
“What have I done?” I whispered, finally letting the tears fall.
Chapter twenty-one
Alexander
“Backsosoon?”Astaasked as I sulked into the house. "I thought you would be back later and have Agotia with you.”
Even hearing her name was like a knife to the back right now. I did not have the energy to explain it all to Asta. I knew she would ask a million questions and then want to get Agotia and Lucas over here so we could solve these issues. That was the last thing I wanted; instead, I just told her -
“Agotia will stay at her own home for the indefinite future."
“What happened, Alex?” Asta asked, furrowed brows. "Agotia would not stay away for no reason.”
“I told her to stay away.”
“Why? What happened?”
I almost broke at the concern in my housekeeper's voice. She did not hide how much she genuinely cared about me and, in turn, Agotia. It was a quality I was beginning to appreciate more. But I held my resolve. She didn't need to know the details of it all right now, and I didn't have the mental energy to explain it.
“We got into an argument.”
It was as close to the truth as I was willing to go.
"So? You two can work it out. You both care about each other. I see the way she looks at you. And I see the way you look at her. It is obvious that you two are truly meant to be together."
"I don't think it will work between us, Asta. We rushed into this marriage without thinking it through well."
That was an understatement, but she didn’t need to know that.
“That’s nonsense.” Asta shook her head vehemently. “Love pays no heed to common sense.”
“This isn’t about love, Asta. This is about trust. How can I stay married to her if I cannot trust her?"
Asta said nothing for a few seconds, understanding dawning on her face. She slowly set down the spoon she had been gesturing with and wiped her hands on her apron before facing me again.
“I don’t think you were around enough to see the way your grandparents argued.”
Her comment did not make sense to me. I told her as much, and she continued to explain.
"The summers you spent here were always so peaceful. You never really saw them disagree. You were too young. If they did fight, they made sure to do it when you were asleep or out of sight. I wish you had seen it."
“Why?”
"It might help you to understand yourself better right now. You see, your grandfather was a strong-willed man. Once convinced of something, there was little anyone could say or do to change his mind. And in their first few years of marriage, your grandmother would do everything she could to convince him he was wrong. Most of the time, she could not get two words out before he would storm off and give her the cold shoulder."
