Page 38 of Acts of Contrition
He thinks I’m dead. What will he do if he finds out I am alive?
“Diana! Diana, please tell me you didn’t run away,” Lisa calls in exasperation.
“No, she saw something in the caf,” Catherine says. “That’s why I haven’t shocked her yet. I don’t think it’susshe wants to evade.”
“You better be right,” Lisa grumbles. “Diana!”
“Don’t call my name!” I whine, hopefully loud enough to be heard. “Please, please…” I cover my ears and tuck my head between my knees, wishing I was still in jeans and didn’t change into a dress with easy access.
Stupid!
“There you are.”
I don’t look up, I can’t. If he followed…
“Diana, what on Earth?” Lisa whispers. “Why can’t we call your name? What happened back there?”
“He can’t have seen me,” I gasp. “He’ll kill me. He’ll know I’m alive and he can’t have me alive so he’llkill me, please—”
Small hands grab my wrists and gently pry my arms from where they are protecting my head and face.
“Hey, nobody is gonna lay a hand on you. Not while we can help it,” Lisa promises.
My whole body trembles; I can't stop it. It’s nice and warm out but I feel like it’s below zero, and I can’t focus on anything. Any second now and I will dissociate and I can’t do that when he might see me.
“We need to get her home,” Catherine says. “Sweetheart, come on. Please stand up.”
“Can’t.” I shake my head and hide again. Just like I used to cower in bed, in the corner by the wall. Not that it made any difference. It couldn’t save me then and it won’t save me now.
Funny, Thomas said he wanted to save my soul. As if I can ever escape my past. As if any pain will remove the permanent stains on my heart and mind.
“He might see me. He can’t see me.”
“All right, fuck this. Sorry, Mother.”
Did Lisa just curse? My jumbled brain can’t grasp much, until my body gets jolted. Lisa is strong as she pulls me to my feet, but I’m unsteady and need to hide.
“I don’t know who you’re worried about, hon, but no one will hurt you,” Catherine assures me. She holds me on one side, Lisa on the other. “Come on, let’s go home. You need to rest and you’re not going to do it behind a strip mall.”
My breathing hasn’t slowed, and I want to cry but I can’t cry. I’m too scared to cry and blur my eyesight. All I can do is hide within my mind, sink back into that place I go when I feel helpless and hopeless, when all I can do is pray to a God I am not sure I believe in that this will all be over soon.
I don’t recall the ride back to Thomas’ house, only being jolted once more when Lisa and Catherine get me out of the car. Glancing back, I am positive I will see that familiar black Mercedes behind us.
Nothing.
“There’s nothing and no one there,” Catherine says. “Come on.”
Lisa has a key to Thomas’ house and she opens the door and calls tentatively, “Tommy? Need a little help.”
A deep chuckle comes from down the hall. “How much did you buy that you need—” He rounds the corner, sees me, and stops speaking as his green eyes widen. In a flash he has me in his arms and the strength and warmth should comfort me, but it only unleashes the terror I kept locked away.
“No! Let me go! Let me go, he’s gonna find me;let me go!” I shriek the last few words and hit at Thomas’ arms and chest, but he doesn’t budge or let me go.
“Little dove, who? Who’s going to find you?” he asks, but I can’t speak; I can’t say his name or even think about the fate that would await me.
He’d do it all over again, and this time watch and ensure I am dead by the end of it.
“I don’t want to give her anything,” he says to the women, still trying to hold me captive. I need to run, to get away. Far away. I’m not safe here; not if Mike has shown an interest in Lisa. He may know where she lives. “What happened?”
