Page 51 of Take It Offline
“Shut up,” I add, but I’m smiling.
“Okay, so Sir Logan the Second makes your heart go pitter pat. Fine. What’s his deal? If he’s so amazing, why didn’t it work out?”
I take a deep breath as unease swirls in my stomach. Where do I even begin? So much of our story is wrapped up in how we grew up and what’s always been expected of us. I know exactly how Charlie feels about my last name—he’s not alone—but with Logan, I could forget all that.
“We dated for a year, and for the most part, it was great. Our parents are close, and I really wanted it to work with him. But eventually, he stopped wanting to try. I went to a doctor to find out what could be causing it, but there wasn’t anything physical stopping me. That only made me feel guiltier. He was right to leave. I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been.”
As patient as Logan was with me, I can’t blame him for wanting a partner who can satisfy him in every way. Knowing that I could have saved us,cansave us, if only I could fix myself, nags at me.
“That’s complete and utter bullshit. He didn’t want to stay because he was, what? Mad he couldn’t get you there? Did he even give a shit about how you felt?”
“He tried,” I force out, pain lancing my chest with the memories. But what I really mean isI tried. And I failed.
“Not hard enough, in my opinion. If he really cared about you, don’t you think he would want you to enjoy yourself no matter the outcome? That he’d want to be with you in any way he could? He sounds like an asshole, and honestly, you deserve better.”
He sounds like Ivy.
“So that’s the sex. What else?”
“What do you mean?”
“You dated for a year, right? Relationships don’t just end because of that.”
Um.
Charlie curses down the phone.
The movie ends, and I find myself suggestingA Streetcar Named Desirenext.
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to judge me?” I don’t even know why I’m asking; I know the answer before he says it.
“Of course,” he says.
I’m starting to suspect Charlie’s a hell of a lot sweeter than he’d let anyone believe.
“I really don’t like this movie. I’m only a fan of how Brando looks in that shirt and those double-pleated chinos.”
He laughs. “You’re a lecherous perv under all that glam, aren’t you?”
My cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling. “It’s my darkest secret.”
It’s not until Blanche calls Stanley a forceful Aries that Charlie brings up Logan again.
“I still don’t understand why you want this guy back. Anyone worth their salt would be able to satisfy you whether you come or not. You’re putting too much importance on it.”
“Not everyone is as enlightened as you.”
“No,” he says. “But I’ll get you there.”
I hope so.
“I have to admit, when you sent me this list, I was expecting it to come with a PowerPoint presentation and a roadmap.”
“Why? Are you worried you can’t find your way?”
He chuckles. “That’s not gonna be a problem.”
Goose bumps wash over me, and I’m suddenly aware of how little I’m wearing, as well as the reality that soon, Charlie will be seeing me in a lot less. Touching me.
