Page 10 of Pixel Perfect Pack
“If she doesn’t want us there all she has to do is say so,” Kito adds. “We chap the door, she answers, calls us a bunch of fucking weirdos and then we leave. Simple, right?”
“I think we should get ready to go,” Orion replies, not an ounce of hesitation in his voice. “Kito, send me your address. Adair, just get ready, get in your car and go. You’re the only one who knows her address so if you wait for us, we’ll meet somewhere and then we’ll go in together.”
“Should we at least warn her? Or, you know, ask her?” I want to punch myself in the face. I wish I could have the confidence and assurance that Kito and Orion have, but I’ve been burned one too many times. Luckily, the guys know that, and they don’t take my hesitation as anything other than self-preservation.
“We have to do this,” Orion says with wide, dark eyes that are only amplified by his closeness to the webcam.
I fiddle with the edges of my long sleeves, my whole body alight with excitement and trepidation. Such a big part of me wants to just turn up on her doorstep and tell JJ that she’s the light of my fucking life these days. But the other, tortured part of me that’s been through so much heartbreak there’s only scraps left… it wants to run in the opposite direction. I can’t face any more rejection. I can’t.
But this is JJ we’re talking about. Fucking JJ with her sweet-as-sin voice and kindness, the girl that’s there any minute of any day if any of us needs help. She was there, picking up pieces the last time I had one of my A/B/O regression episodes. It’s why I send her gifts every month, a stupid tradition I started way back when we started bringing her into game with us. She said she had a way of making people smile even when they didn’t want to. I’d challenged her in the midst of my drama, telling her I’d celebrate every month like it was her birthday if she could make me feel even remotely human again. Then she told a fucking joke. A joke. A whole performative piece about a rabbit in a pub and a punchline that was dark and ridiculous and enough to make me not only crack a smile but laugh for a solid five minutes.
Since then every month has been her birthday in my eyes.
This might be the only chance I get to make her see how much I care for her. I need to pull her out of whatever dark place she’s found herself in because I know that if the roles were reversed she’d do the same thing for me.
***
September in Scotland is, as usual, warm. But as I clamber into my car with a bag of spare clothes and a charger, the heavens open. I did what Orion had said and spent a whole hour passing the time before I finally started the drive, pacing back and forth in my apartment until I couldn’t put it off any longer.
I pull out my phone and connect the Bluetooth up. Sleep Token blares through the speaker, Euclid filling my ears and letting some of the tension dissipate from my shoulders and neck. I can do this. All I have to do is drive. So I kick the car into gear and go.
I try not to let myself get in my head, running through all of the things that could be going on with JJ. It could be a flare-up, or a break-up. Or hell, maybe her mental health took a dive. There’s no way for me to know. All I have in the forefront of my mind is that us heading over there to check on her is a good thing.
What I’m trying not to worry about is how meeting in person might change everything we’ve worked so hard to protect over the last couple of years. It might seem stupid to some people, but there’s nothing quite as incredible as finding your gaming group. Getting together on the regular to indulge in the one thing you all enjoy. Letting yourself be a fucking nerd without worrying about judgment from others.
The three of them, all in their own ways, made me realise it’s okay to be a little reclusive. I don’t need to shy away from the things I like. And it might be just a dumb game but there’s nothing dumb about wanting to spend time with the people you love.
Love.
A small word for such a big thing.
I love the guys, I’ve known that for a while. They’re my best friends. But JJ… that’s a different kind of love, I think. One I’m almost too scared to admit. I care for her deeply. I give a shit what she thinks. When I’m not talking to her I’m thinking about her. Whenever I see something cool, I can’t wait to tell her about it. And now I’m over here putting all of that at risk by meeting her face-to-face. She could react badly to us three being at her door. Maybe she’ll think it’s weird or presumptuous or…
I’m getting in my head again.
To my surprise, as in my head as I might be, I don’t take my foot off the accelerator. I keep going, keep moving forward. Getting closer and closer to her.
Something inside me swells, warms. The knowledge that soon I might be able to reach out my hand and actually touch the girl that’s been occupying my thoughts for years. For all the negativity that keeps popping up in my mind, there’s a sliver of something else. Hope, I think.
The hope that maybe this isn’t a bad idea at all. Maybe it’s the best thing I’ve ever decided to commit to.
Seven
Jess
I give up on trying to get comfortable in bed and drag all of my bedding through to the living room. With shaky hands, I stack fresh wood in the fireplace and although it takes me a few goes, I eventually manage to light a firelighter. The warmth is instantaneous and incredible on my sore muscles and joints. With a grunt, I press my hands against the coffee table in the middle of the room and push it aside, allowing me enough space to build a nest in the centre of the room.
Starting with the basics, I lay a feather duvet down on the rug. Then I start piling pillows and throw cushions from the bed and sofa on top of the mounting pile. The dim light from the fire definitely helps the ambience and within a few minutes I feel far more settled. I plug the electric head pad into the nearest socket and bundle beneath the covers, pulling them tight up around my ears and curling my legs to my chest.
I’ve still not been able to find the strength to make food but I’m keeping myself hydrated as best I can. Despite all of my mental efforts, I can’t seem to get it out of my mind that I should have someone here with me. No one goes through an unmedicated heat these days, maybe if you have a supportive pack you do, but a lone omega shouldn’t be going through this shit by herself. It’s practically suicide. Or at least that’s how it feels just now.
The ache starts between my legs again. My thoughts drift off to the guys, what I wouldn’t give to hear Minxy’s voice talking me through my troubles, or Mourning’s deep, rumbling laugh or Quitek’s sweet accent and few comforting words. I drag my hand between my legs and let my fingers slip inside, gathering the slick and moisture and spreading it across my folds. I linger on my swollen clit, circling it deliberately in the hopes that if I give myself a slow build up the relief will last longer. Deep down, I know it’s hopeless. I’m a day or two away from being at the peak of my heat and no matter what I do there’s no way I’ll bring myself the relief I really need. I need to be filled, fit to burst. I need a knot pressing deep inside me. The thought is terrifying, I’ve only ever been with a beta, never an alpha. I haven’t taken a knot before and it’s not as if I have an alpha on speed dial to try it out.
For now, I need to make do with my fingers.
My movements grow feverish, flames licking at my skin as I rub the pads of my fingers against my clit, chasing my climax to the bitter end. My body stretches, toes curling as I mewl against the duvet cover. I can smell myself everywhere, the earthy tones of lavender and the cloying sweetness of baked oats and syrupy vanilla. I let out a scream when my orgasm crashes over me, rattling my bones and leaving me limp and breathless. Even as it begins to pass, I feel that deep need for another and that terrifies me. I’m going to die of exhaustion before this heat is over.
Against my better judgement, I grab my phone and dial. It’s late but there’s a good chance he’ll still be awake.
