Page 66 of Beautiful Life
“What do you mean?”
“Hmm?”
“What else is he pushing for, Leigh?”
“Well, this shouldn’t hit the ick zone.” I pause. “He doesn’t want me to go on birth control.”
She looks confused. “Why not?”
I don’t answer but raise a brow and turn to move to another rack. I hear her gasp, feel her hand on my bicep to yank me around toward her, and she whispers for real this time, “What?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I repeat. “I can’t talk about it Gabby. I don’t even know what to think about it. I mean, I’ve been divorced for two months, just five months ago I was lying in the hospital, beaten by my husband and lost … everything. I don’t think I’m ready and I really don’t know how I got here with Tony. Not that I don’t want to be here. I do. I think I could want to be here forever. It all scares me right now. This has happened fast and Tony seems so sure about everything. And he tells me he can be patient, which honestly scares me even more because Tony has proven he can be very patient with me.”
“Tony’s ready to get married?” she asks.
“I don’t know. He’s not talked about marriage specifically, but he’s talked about everything else specifically. Scary specifically.”
“What’s stopping you? You just said you want it to be forever.”
“Gabby—”
“Do you love him?”
“Gabby, please—”
“Does he love you?”
At that I clam up and purse my lips. Gabby reaches out to grab my hand and squeezes. Her face softens and her tears pool.
“He loves you,” she says.
I look away. “Gabby, don’t.”
I feel her give my hand a yank and I look back.
“Let him love you, Leigh.”
I breathe deep. “I can’t think about this, Gab.”
“No. It’s time to think about it and face it head on. You’ve done this as long as I’ve known you. But really, who can blame you? With your mom the way she is, the way you grew up? The men she had in and out of your house, never making you a priority? Throw you sister into the mix and no one would blame you for the barriers you’ve built. But Preston.” She pauses and her face hardens. Lowering her voice even more she goes on, “What Preston did to you emotionally and physically is unthinkable and evil. No one—not me, not Tony or anyone else—will ever fault you for protecting yourself from reality after living what you’ve lived through. But that is not your reality anymore. Never again will that be your life. It’s time you think things through and let people love you the way you were meant to be loved. There’s so much to love, girlie, you just don’t get it. Trust me, when you let yourself take what the man who loves you is offering to give, there’s nothing more beautiful. Nothing in this world. Let, him, love you, Leigh.”
I don’t answer. I can’t. I pull in a shaky breath to control my own tears so I don’t have a breakdown in the middle of a thrift store.
I know she’s right. The past few months with Tony have been the best of my life when they should have been the worst for every reason under the sun. I’ve even allowed myself to catalogue glimpses of what life would be like with Tony. If I’m honest, during those glimpses I’ve even realized I’ve been so in the moment with Tony, I completely forgot what my life was like five months ago.
“Don’t cry,” Gabby demands. “I’ve never had to deal with an ‘in love’ Tony Carpino, he might wrestle me to the ground and give me a noogie if I bring you home red faced from crying.”
I do my best to blink back my tears. “A noogie?”
“Yeah, a noogie. He did it all the time when we were little, the jerk. Tony giving me a noogie will not make Jude happy and they’ve got that bromance thing going, I don’t want Jude to kick his ass. The harmony of the Carpinos is a delicate thing. Don’t mess it up by crying, okay?” she jokes, trying to lighten my mood.
I smile, nodding, and swallowing back the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Gabby.” When she smiles back to me I add, “But just so you know, Tony could totally kick Jude’s ass.”
Gabby rolls her eyes. “I don’t think so. My man carries a badge.”
