Page 61 of Beautiful Life
“Hang on, I’ve gotta let the dog out,” he says, walking out of the room.
All of the sudden, a weight hits my chest like a brick. Is he worried about having unprotected sex with me? All of a sudden, I want to escape and die. Tony knows Preston cheated on me regularly. I was tested in the hospital for everything when I lost the baby and I even had my doctor do blood tests again a few months later just to be sure. I was clean both times, thank goodness. Tony says he loves me but he must be worried after my past with Preston.
I hear the back door open and close. If I was thinking, I should have taken this opportunity to escape, get out of bed, get dressed, and mentally prepare for what’s to come.
But I’m so shocked I barely get a foot to the floor before Tony is back in the room and sees me getting out of bed. “Where are you going?”
I try not making eye contact with him. “I need to get ready.”
I reach for his t-shirt on the floor while holding the sheet to my body, but Tony grabs the shirt out of my hand and tosses it across the room. “We have lots of time.”
I try not to look at him, the brick in my chest is pressing hard and digging deep. Tony yanks the sheet out of my hand, puts his to my belly and pushes me back down into the bed.
“I want to get up and get ready.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, a frown playing on his face.
“Nothing,” I lie. “I’m just worried about what today will bring.”
“Today’s gonna suck, but what else is wrong?” he asks, reading me like a book, just like he always does.
“Nothing.”
“Sweetheart, three minutes ago you were talking to me about doing away with condoms and now you won’t look me in the eye. I’m not giving you space on this. What’s wrong,” he demands.
I sigh. He’s not letting up and I don’t know what to do or say to get him to leave me alone. He’s covered me with his body, pinning me to the bed. I look toward his shoulder, not able to look him in the eye.
“Leigh?”
I feel my eyes flutter to his face at the sound of his voice. Sweet, calm, patient. Everything Tony is with me. Perfect. But I can’t be perfect for him with my awful past, he still thinks he needs to protect himself when it comes to me.
“Don’t go into your head again. Talk to me.”
“You don’t need to worry,” I blurt. “I’m clean.”
His brow furrows, pulling deeply together. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been tested,” I explain quickly. “Twice. Either I lucked out or Preston was smart enough to be careful when he cheated on me. But I’m clean.”
His brow goes from furrowed to smooth. “Did you think I was worried about you?”
“Well, unless you really like them, why else would you want to keep using condoms?”
“Sweetheart, I’m not worried about you. But since we’re getting it all out in the open, I’ve been tested, too. When we have nothing between us, we can both breathe easy.”
“Oh.” I still don’t understand, but at this point I think I’d rather wonder than talk any more on the subject.
Of course, Tony isn’t done talking. “Gem, look at me.”
He’s still pinning me to the bed, I don’t have to look far to see the warmth in his expression.
“I don’t want you to have to go on the pill, just to go off the pill,” he explains, albeit, not making sense at the same time.
“What are you talking about?”
He leans down to kiss me and barely pulls back. I feel his breath on my lips when he explains. “When you’re mine in a permanent and real way, which I hope will be soon, I don’t want you on the pill. And I don’t want to use condoms. I can’t wait for that.”
“What?” I ask, barely able to hear myself.
